POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: NLEWLAD on April 07, 2008, 09:56:51 pm
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HEY ALL
AM A GAY LAD THAT IS LOOKING TO SERO SORT I HAVE A PROFILE ON WWW.FITLADS.NET THAT STATES I AM HIV POZ
I HAVE POSTED REQUESTS FOR OTHER HIV POZ LADS TO MESAGE ME WHICH HAS BEEN SUCCESFULL
HOWEVER THE NEG MEMBERS CONTINUALLY POST ABUSIVE COMMENTS
I STATE MY HIV STATUS ON THIS WEBSITE AND HAVE ASKED THE OWNERS OF THE SITE TO STOP THE ABUSE
YOU CAN ALL JOIN FOR FREE WWW.FITLADS.NET AND SEND A MESSAGE TO THE OWNERS JOE AND DAVID TO MAKE A STANCE ON HIV ABUSE
SORRY FOR THE CAPS BUT YES I AM SHOUTING
sorry
xxxxxxxx
simon
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sorry didnt post that after three months of abuse and countless messages to the owners of the website
i have not recieved a reply or any messge of condemnation on a gay hook upsite in the uk against hiv abuse
all got was deleted
i did find away to be a new member we need to stand up to the abusive lads
anyone gona stick there neck out and suport me
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Simon,
I know that this isn't the response you want to read, but why expend so much effort and emotion on being somewhere where you aren't wanted? It's not like it's a "public accommodation. Getting more HIVers onto a site that is apparently overtly ableist and ageist will do little. Taking the situation to the UK Queer media--one heavy-hitting blogger is all it takes--and drawing attention to the night clubs supporting and profiting from the ableism and ageism would raise the stakes faster with little further action on your part.
Namaste,
David
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aint really bothered about your comment matey
you obviously are a poz lad that wants to accept that hiv is a shamefull thing
i aint ashamed of my status and i wll protest to the highest hills against total abuse from lads who are negative
why the fuck should i sit in a corner and cry about my status
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you obviously are a poz lad that wants to accept that hiv is a shamefull thing
i aint ashamed of my status and i wll protest to the highest hills against total abuse from lads who are negative
why the fuck should i sit in a corner and cry about my status
Simon,
Obviously, I should have suggested that you bugger off, then? You don't know the first thing about my perception of HIV as a source of shame. I have appeared in local and internet publications with a big biohazard tattoo clearly visible on my shoulder.
If you're so damned out and proud about being an HIVer, then take the site owners and their supporters to the mat through the media instead of attempting to organize ineffective guerilla warfare on a site. They are hypocrites to let HIV harassment stand while running another site for "fit and party," as if most of the party boys aren't going to wind up with HIV and more from drugs and booze.
Namaste,
David
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I'm pretty offended that you have summed up David like that just because he (and I) agree that there are better things to spend your energy on than trying to tell the negs that they are abusive and discriminatory. Just let it go, take a chill pill, this will never change. What do you expect from a gay hook up website? Honestly. Dude, check out pozmatch or something.. but then you will have people discriminate against you because you are white, or coloured, or too fat or too thin or what ever.
Peace.
Matt
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Simon,
I know that this isn't the response you want to read, but why expend so much effort and emotion on being somewhere where you aren't wanted? It's not like it's a "public accommodation. Getting more HIVers onto a site that is apparently overtly ableist and ageist will do little. Taking the situation to the UK Queer media--one heavy-hitting blogger is all it takes--and drawing attention to the night clubs supporting and profiting from the ableism and ageism would raise the stakes faster with little further action on your part.
Namaste,
David
I'm a bit confused here. Going after nightclubs for what happens on a website? Huh? Wut? Not sure I am following you. Though I confess I have not looked at the LADS site. I see this is a UK site or something. I do agree with Simon that it seems rather shitty that the operators of the site have not done so much as respond to his complaint, though. Simon, if you really wanted to put the squeeze on them, why not sort of do what David is suggesting and contact queer media about "online stigmatization" and relay your story and go from there? Call out the site by name thru the story if you feel you have been treated unjustly. I do support you, however, I have no ties at all to that site, nor do I know precisely what all has been said - by these other posters, by you, by anyone. I only have your brief gist to go on.
Meanwhile, there's a little something to be said for David's take on going where you aren't wanted. What is it that is so dang great about this particular site? Why not voice your protest with your membership dollars (assuming this is a pay site)? Hell...go to BNSkin or something. There are other sites out there that know how to treat their membership and where members know how to treat one another.
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I'm pretty offended that you have summed up David like that just because he (and I) agree that there are better things to spend your energy on than trying to tell the negs that they are abusive and discriminatory. Just let it go, take a chill pill, this will never change. What do you expect from a gay hook up website? Honestly. Dude, check out pozmatch or something.. but then you will have people discriminate against you because you are white, or coloured, or too fat or too thin or what ever.
Peace.
Matt
Yes. I have to be honest with you, Simon: That sort of snap response to David makes me wonder if perhaps that was a factor in your deletion. I wonder how you've measured your own responses on that site. There may be some reason to your bein dropped from the site beyond "they just don't like poz people".
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OK. I took the time to actually sign up so I could have a peek at what the fuss is about.
You're upset over the blatherings of that vapid lot? Really?
Most of them don't appear to have two brain cells to rub together. Sit back and let karma take its course, doll.
One glance reveals that the lion's share of them are already poz or well on their way as we speak. They won't be
shunning you for long. They'll be trying to make friends with us all when they find their way here shortly.
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"Just let it go, take a chill pill, this will never change. "
cubbybear
If we "Just let it go and take a chill pill" as you state then it will never ever get any easier for any of us and hiv igronance will never ever end
i aint one of the weak people to just go and sit in a corner and let other people rule my life on what i do or can say.
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The site has quite a few poz lads as members and we are constantly offended when trying to hook up together
quotes like "disease ridden" "you shouldnt be allowed on this site" "dirty barebackers" "why dont you just die"
these quotes just continue the sitigmatisation of hiv poz people
and as of yet i have still not recieved a reply to my message from the owners of the site
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I understand how you'd like to win this battle and change the rules of engagement of that website but the owners are despondent. Well, what's to be done if they don't give a shit? Your anger and indignation is justified, of course. You can bitch all you want but you will not win an agreement with the likes of those.
As well, although you are outraged, don't brush away good advice too quickly. It would serve you well to pause and consider if someone has been through the same thought processes and feelings as you and discovered what is effective and what is not worth the effort.
(edit: spellchecked)
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Today's word is "discretion".
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Many years HIV positive has taught me to choose my battles wisely .
If this is a battle worth fighting for you then I wish you all the luck in the world , with the people you are
dealing you are going to need it .
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I still say that the dialogue at that place is of a caliber rarely matched outside of arguments between YouTube commentators.
Write it off already. It's not that you are incorrect, Simon. It's that most of them really are - and will be - too damn stupid to ever get it no matter how much you shout it out.
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Latest info
My profile has been removed from the site and have had no responce from the website owners.
This website is totally anti-hiv www.fitlads.net
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Dude...
there are worse websites out there.. Try looking up Fred Phelps or the Church of the Divide... Serioiusly.
the Shark
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This is silly. Simon, I understand you feel angry and upset about how some of those morons speak about positive people, but seriously: you could find more signs of intelligent life in a petri dish. Gimme a break here. You do realize that there are people in this world being killed - KILLED, I say - for being positive...and you want us to focus our activist attentions on a web fuck board. Come on, man.
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I totally agree with thunter on this topic . Is this really an issue worthy of your energy ?
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thunter,
i do see your point however it is now the principle of the matter that a gay website with thousands of members can alow its members to post abusive comments in hiv threads
i am not joining the site again
and i ask any hiv positive people who are members to also cancel your membership from this website (www.fitlads.net)
i am emailing the owners of the website for a final time regarding hiv abuse
if i dont get a responce within 3 days i have decided to then talk to the uk gay press.
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Got to agree with thunter34,
I can't imagine wasting one ounce of energy on idiots, especially idiiots on the Internet.
Life is extremely short, and the only people we can really change are ourselves.
Good luck with your mission, NLEWLAD.
Daniel
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I can understand the fury at being abused by other Gay men, but it doesn't surprise me.
From what you say, I don't see the owners of the site are condoning the abuse and have removed comments.
I presume this site is a small commercial enterprise and unless they are going to moderate all comments before they're posted, you are always going to get stupid comments. As Tim mentions, Youtube is riddled with homophobic abuse.
I'd be interested to see if you get anywhere with the Press, which are loathe to criticise Gay companies that might provide advertising revenue.
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Have you tried m4m4sex.com - I was openly positive on there and a large chunk of other guys seem to be as well. It was pretty great and nobody ever gave me any drama. Same thing with gaydar.co.uk - I hooked up with other poz guys, and negative guys who were cool with my status without any kind of problem. I also seem to remember that gaydar has a facility to report offensive IMs if it does happen.
To be honest, I have no idea what kind of people fitlads attracts but they sounds like scum not worth bothering over. Attitudes around HIV are gradually changing I think, but I have a feeling that the denizens of fitlads will be the last to change their "minds".
Matt.
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Attitudes around HIV are gradually changing I think, but I have a feeling that the denizens of fitlads will be the last to change their "minds".
and some of these lads will need to change their "minds" if they turn poz themselves
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The irony here is that a lot of them probably already are and just don't know it . . . yet.
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Those guys at fitlads remind me of my ex. I am poz hes neg . The main reason we broke up was because he was terrified of HIV , but his main fetish is unsafe sex . I fear he will soon be very well acquainted with the struggles most positive people have to deal with every day.
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I state my status on my Gaydar profile and have not had a single unpleasant message over the couple of years it has been there. On the contrary, a fair few messages from neg guys who've said they think it's really good to see someone being open and upfront about their positive status.
Not quite sure how I feel about that, though, because I've invariably had the lingering doubt that what they really meant was that it was good to be able to avoid poz guys without actually having to ask 'the big question'. Personally I'm still pretty ambivalent about the whole sero-sorting thing and its potential to create an 'us and them' scenario. But that's another discussion.
If I were you I'd leave them to it and vote with my feet.
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Hey guyz thanks for your help
i have contacted the news editor at the pink paper for some advice, it is an excellent weekly gay newspaper in the uk
http://www.pinkpaper.co.uk/pinkpaper/
ill post my email first
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Hi Peter,
I am a 34 year old gay man from Warrington, I am Hiv Positive and have been a member of www.fitlads.net for a number of years.
When i found out i was hiv positive i decided that i would reveal my status on my profile, big desision ? yes however i have also decided that i now only want a relationship with another hiv positive man.
At first things where good and i got lots of support for revealing my hiv status.
Over the past few months there has been quite a few threads in the forums on Fitlads regarding Hiv
The comments that have been made by quite a few members of the site can only be described as abuse
for example
"why dont you just die you aids ridden cunt"
"he only wants to infect other people"
"He is looking to pray on innocent negative lads and infect them"
I have complained to the owners of the website at least 5 times about this abuse and all they do is delete my profile.
Again on the evening of 7th April 2008 i got into heated argument regarding hiv and was bararged with tones of abuse, so again i contacted the owners about this, Hey presto they have deleted my profile again.
I can confirm to you that i dont activly seek out barebacking which is what the comments are about just because i am hiv positive doesent mean that i am a regular barebacker to be honest i hardly ever participate in that and if i do it is only ever with other hiv positive men.
I truly belive that the owners of fitlads - Joe and David fully support hiv abuse in the forums as they have not deleted the profiles of the members writing the abusive comments.
Also i have asked them on three occasions to make a statement against hiv abuse - this again has never been done
In todays society i find it unbelieveable that a gay social networking website does not have a stance on what is a serious issue to 1 in 10 gay men - HIV and allows its members to post hurtfull and offencive messages.
I am not sure what you can do, but i though that i would make you aware of this.
However if you do decide to use this information please contact me first
Many thanks
Simon
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His reply which came back within 20 mins
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Hi Simon,
Thanks for your letter and i'm sorry you've experienced such issues of abuse.
I will consider this as a potential news story, but it may work better as a letter on our relevant page.
Either way, thank you.
Best,
P
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Have emailed him back to say hang on 48 hours and to see if i get a responce from the owners of the site,
then ill go with what hey advises me to do
either a letter or he can take it as a news story
;D ;D
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Surely Fitlads isn't the only gay hook-up site servicing where you live?
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Bucko
no am also a member of gaydar, bnskin and manhunt
but the forums on fitlads are quite good (well the normal forums not the abusive ones)
am no longer a member of fitlads but i will carry this through, it may seem petty to some people but its a matter of principle to me
why should i get deleted just because i stick my neck out and stick up for men who have hiv
edited to include manhunt
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Good luck :-)
One good thing about gaydar is that they remove people that are overtly anti-PLWHA or abusive to those that are very quickly.. not been on mancunt long enough to see what its like though.
J
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STOP PRESS I HAVE HAD A REPLY FROM JOE FROM FITLADS
HERE GOES
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We are not stopping HIV positive people using Fitlads - nor do we have any intention of doing so. It's only *you* that we want to.You aren't ignored for being HIV positive - you're ignored for being out spoken. You have on many occasions threatened us with media intervention.You have also joined websites for HIV positive people, encouraging members to 'invade' Fitlads to cause trouble.... with this in mind, I'm sure you can see why your messages are ignored and you're not welcome.I've removed your profiles because of this . It comes as a relief that you've promised not to rejoin.
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SO I HAVE JOINED AIDSMEDS ONLY TO CAUSE TROUBLE FOR FIT LADS
FOR FUCKS SAKE HAVE I HELL I HAVE JOINED AIDS MEDS COZ AM POZ ANDWELCOME SUPPORT
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Many years HIV positive has taught me to choose my battles wisely .
If this is a battle worth fighting for you then I wish you all the luck in the world , with the people you are
dealing you are going to need it .
Well said, jg.
Simon, I can pretty much guarantee you that the guys on this site who say things like "I will b/b with neg guys only" will soon be patients at the clinic.
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SO I HAVE JOINED AIDSMEDS ONLY TO CAUSE TROUBLE FOR FIT LADS
FOR FUCKS SAKE HAVE I HELL I HAVE JOINED AIDS MEDS COZ AM POZ ANDWELCOME SUPPORT
Well, I have to say that I envy you.
If your bad experience with the fitlads.net web site is really the worst thing that has happened to you recently then it sounds like you must have it pretty good.
If you are the kind of person that just has to be "right" and must fight and win every battle no matter how insignificant the issue might be then by all means continue with your vendetta against fitlads.net, but before you do that take a moment to ask whether it is actually worth it - will you change the attitude of any of those air-heads - I think not - will it make you any happier, or will it just make you even more bitter - only you can answer that.
My advice woudl be to put it all behind you and move on - there are more important things in life (and if there *aren't* more important things in *your* life then you have a much bigger problem than some stupid web site)
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This thread really delivers.
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This thread really delivers.
I'm inspired now ...I'm now going to revisit the idea of becoming an organ donor and giving blood to the red cross... those scumbags cant keep me out .
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This thread really delivers.
Doesn't it, though?
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I agree there are many more things to get upset over and if it were me I would just find another site. However I think their is a principle involved. If someone posted anything similar to this
"why dont you just die you aids ridden cunt"
"he only wants to infect other people"
"He is looking to pray on innocent negative lads and infect them"
in these forums, I suspect they would be banned rather quickly. I would be interested to know why do gay "hook up" sites tolerate such behavior from internet bullies?
Woods
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Maybe he is tilting at windmills, but I can certainly understand why the lad is upset. I've seen others upset over much less.
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I would be interested to know why do gay "hook up" sites tolerate such behavior from internet bullies?
Because they are mostly just interested in making a buck off men's desire to buttfuck. The same reason a lot of bathhouses and sex clubs can't be bothered to provide even a couple of condoms for their clientele. Gay men aren't inherently always compassionate (or even sane) and are just as capable as anyone else of not giving a damn.
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Anyone bb'ing this day and age... its like playing russian roulette... one day the bullet will leave its chamber...
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Gay men aren't inherently always compassionate (or even sane) and are just as capable as anyone else of not giving a damn.
I see you have met my ex.
I have found in my experience in the local room of a particular .com site that eventually everyone figures out these jerks and just ignore their comments as well as worn others of what asses they are.
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I always have found the word "lad" amusing.
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I always have found the word "lad" amusing.
and 'boi' ??
J
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I prefer to call everyone "Barbara"
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I prefer to call everyone "Barbara"
Now finally I understand what that bloody utube video was all about... ;D
Hugs
Jan :-*
(Who is always happy when she finally works things out)
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If Fitlads is routinely abusive toward poz guys, then Nlewlad should have known that posting his status would make him as welcome as a black person at a KKK meeting. It's almost like he was asking for it.
The comments I have received on Manhunt and Outpersonals about my HIV have all been sympathetic and supportive. Maybe Americans are just nicer?
And what in the world is a "scally" lad?
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And what in the world is a "scally" lad?
Common observations of what a scally is..according to a UK web site I found
...wears sportswear (tracksuits, trainers, baseball caps)
...is in their teens or early twenties
...is usually working class or lower middle class
...loiters around in groups in town centres, not actually doing much
...is perhaps involved in petty crime (e.g. shop lifting, vandalism)
...if female, wears a lot of cheap gold jewellery
...if male, may have a shaved head or crew cut.
Hugs
Jan :-*
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Hmm, sounds synonymous with "chav".
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PROBLEM SOLVED FOLKS... LET'S MOVE ON
http://scallylad.net/
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Philly
so funny thanks for that you made me smile ;D
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Wasn't this a topic last year? Fuck um. I never heard of the site. Most of those sites could be called URGONNAGETHIV.NET. Some of the dsame people flaming will be wearing your shoes :'( . I pity people like that epsecially, oin a cruisng site. They have to live under a rock to not know they have a fair share of liers who'd trade an orgasm for non disclosure.
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Wasn't this a topic last year? Fuck um. I never heard of the site. Most of those sites could be called URGONNAGETHIV.NET. Some of the dsame people flaming will be wearing your shoes :'( . I pity people like that epsecially, oin a cruisng site. They have to live under a rock to not know they have a fair share of liers who'd trade an orgasm for non disclosure.
Are you sure that's not ivealreadygothivbutijustdontknowityet.com?
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Are you sure that's not ivealreadygothivbutijustdontknowityet.com?
pmsl good one ann
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pmsl good one ann
eh? "pmsl"? Premenstrual Syndrome Longtime? ??? :o ;D ;)
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eh? "pmsl"? Premenstrual Syndrome Longtime? ??? :o ;D ;)
pissing myself laughing, perhaps ... ???
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pissing myself laughing, perhaps ... ???
ah, you're probably right.
hormonally yours.... ::)
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yes ann pmsl piss my self laughing :)