submitted for your disapproval ( fictional story line )

[em]

short condensed version of a fictional story line about HIV
 

A fifty year old guy who has been HIV + for half his time on this earth. He bounces around between living with relatives and shelters and other characters he meets. 

He then hits the lottery for big money and buys a large old house and makes it a HIV shelter for himself and others with the virus. He also does some activism to not just educate and increase awareness of the illness but try to increase hope and encourage all who share the larger home we all live in called planet earth.

an early seen he is hospitalized and his relatives he had been living with bring a suitcase with is belongings in it to the hospital and tell him he has to find another place to live . With another seen were he finds a five in the laundry. That he uses to buy a lottery ticket.

Then after living in this large house one of the younger people has a tantrum then starts to cry and says you do not understand I have HIV and the older guy who owns the house says in case you do not remember everyone here has HIV ?

Then the older guy gets sick while living in the house and the younger people take care of him and he passes away peacefully knowing he is loved and cared about. He also had set up a trust fund to keep the home operating after his passing. Then a few years later a cure is found for HIV and the people in the house are all celebrating. One of them picks up a picture of the guy who funded the house they live in and says this is so great to bad you missed this moment. They look sad for moment then they look at all the happy people in the house and smile and say something like you did good with what you had .

Then the next seen is the guy  looking at the lottery ticket he bought with the five he found in the laundry and lying in the hospital bed. When someone from the hospital comes into his room and says you are being discharged is there anyone we should call he looks over at his suit case goes no I have no one and nothing. A narrative voice of his thoughts says only my dreams he looks back at the lottery ticket . the other part of winning the lottery and having friends and house were only a day dream he was having after his family had placed his suitcase in his room and told him he needed to find some were else to live .

Just a day dream I had that was much longer and detailed. Like I had written at the beginning of this

short condensed version of a fictional story line about HIV

I guess I had thought a sad HIV story were the dream was a better story then the reality

submitted for your approval is what I had thought Rod Serling used to say at the begging of the twilight zone so I had changed it to the opposite like maybe this one America's most unwanted ?

I had more to the story but if it is unwelcome to find out what others here might want to see in HIV related story.

Maybe a story about a wealthy successful pillar of the community who gets HIV  from an unknown never told reason just circumstance the story never says it just is a mystery story like how some people seem to have everything and an easy life and easy time and are so blessed and HIV can affect there life as well ??  would that be more to what is the desire of those in this forum ? Or would that be more what those inthis forum might like others in the world to think about HIV.

thank you

EM


The above might not seem well organized . It is not organized by a time line or story flow it is sorted by emotional content. It is also a rough draft idea of a sad story inside a sad story inside yet another sad story. first sad story bouncing around a lot trying to find some place to belong while having hiv. Having the people you live with not wanting you in there lives . Next sad story thinking that if you had a large amount of money the problems of your life would be easier ?

I hope this explanation of what I was trying to build with words helps

I had another aspect of the story I was thinking of adding about a estranged wife and a daughter he is afraid to contact thinking her dreams of what he is might be best served by him not contacting her ? Then when he is at the lottery home he had bought he finds her thinking that money would make everything all right and she ( use your own thoughts do you think a father who does not raze his own children and has never spent the time it takes to be a good parent ever get the love of there children they so need and desire ? ) well lets just say she gets angry with him and wants nothing to do with him . Then later when he dies he is holding in his hand a picture of his x and his daughter. another sad aspect to add depth to the story.

Thank you

EM 

were the virus comes from does not change the sad aspect of how it constantly and continuously overrides every aspect of the lives lived by those who have the misfortune of carring this agent of destruction. ( written for dramatic effect ) like it or not this is just me venting my frustration and sorry if you have trouble following this maybe I should just write some more common aspects of being HIV +. Or tell you about being in the military in the eighties and seeing line after line at different military bases of service men being discharged for being GAY the way they were found out the Military tested there blood and then told them they had found something wrong with there blood. Then when they said O my god is it AIDS the military then asked what makes you think you have AIDS most of them confessed on the spot because I am GAY ? They were told to get there things and leave the base by 0900 tomorrow for discharge. That is 9 AM the next day to get out and go and not look back.  most of them broke down and cried

After seeing this well maybe some other time I will feel up to telling more of my story but just the image of thousands of service men lined up to be told to leave there jobs and the life they new and get out ?

When did this happen 1984 when the first HIV test was started to be used and the military used it to clean out undesirable homosexuals from the service I guess they thought it was for the best

what happened when they told me ? why did they send me all over the world to other military bases ??

I wrote this on the other web sight aidsmeds used to have ?

maybe some other time ( by the way parts of this are still fiction, cause well I can not handle the truth, thank you very much ? )


I was sent to a few military installations as a witness to the fall out. Incase you might want to know, The young men all lined up wit the look of knowing what they were about to face and knowing there was nothing they could do and nothing anyone else would do ? It made me think of what the people who were sent to consentration camps in Germany during WWII most have thought and felt ?

Maybe this new level Of sadness and HIV history some day might be worth knowing ?

at least now those images that have haunted me now can haunt you TOO .

(  A ghost story ) maybe the above should be called the ( THE WAR on HIV ) hey what the heck we have WARS on everything now ??

OK now wright critics on how horrible the above witting is

 Then say some were else why is no one doing anything ?

Then ponder how can things like that have happened in the past while turning a blind eye to things  just the same ,  that are happening now .

Then draw the conclusion ( that guy needs to take a pill ) that will fix it .


EM

Another experience I believe few have had the pleasure of enduring in the late eighties I was living in a homeless shelter with HIV + heroin addicks ? Now that was an experience I would not recommend ( well maybe my worst enemies if I had any that could think of ? )

One time I had a bottle of wine and I shared with whoever wanted some, It was a white table wine. Not mad dog or night train just a light dinner wine.  A few days later the guy who had helped himself to the largest amount had a bottle of mad dog or night train I asked if I could have some and he got angry and said NO > I had said you had some of my wine the other night . He then had said just cause you are an idiot does not make me one !

loads of fun there .



side line

You think it is difficult living with HIV in the late eighties the VA had placed me in an Alzheimer's word ask me sometimes about how that was ?

Thorazine a lobotomy in a bottle ??

making problems go away through not thinking about them ? That is the accepted answer I say not the right one !

The medical system that deals with mental health is like the Inquisition the witch hunts how times changes but keeping those who actually can think from thinking is an age old problem and dealing with them the cause of many atrocities most of the world would not like to think about including me.

If you want the prisoners of get mo to talk just have them spend some time in Alzheimer's word like that. I would have confessed to anything if I had thought it would have gotten me out of that place.
 
There are worse things then HIV and worse things then even death > A small one might be living without ever having the chance to truly live life they way it is meant to be lived ( just replace the word live with love and that would be the next worst thing to do )

all my best to you
EM

[Robert]

good morning em.

glad to see you're home.  Last time I heard from you, you were on  your way to Australia for the holidays.  Hope you had a good time.

Now, about your story/dream.  It's a bit disjointed like all dreams.  Last night I dreamed about taking a boat ride along the coast with a lot of strangers.  WE took a walking tour and the sand started to give out from under me and I started to sink.  Immediately I got down on my hands and knees and crawled to safer ground.  Some  strange lady is a big raccoon coat threw her coat down on the ground and made water slide out of it and laughed hysterically as she slid along the beach.  AFter reading your post, I can only assume the lady was you.

robt

[em]

I had wanted to try and edit  the above maybe even delete it all together but that option has been closed ?

some trivia I had thought might be relative

 The VA Hospital

The movie "One flew over the cuckoo's nest" 1975 with Jack Nicholson.

the movie was about a State Mental Hospital. The book was about a VA psych word. It was written by a patient. There is a chapter in the book that describes the hospital as an evil entity a mechanism that thrives by consuming the spirits and souls off all who enter.


Here is a re write of  the above with additions


short condensed version of a fictional story line about HIV
 

A fifty year old guy who has been HIV + for half his time on this earth. He bounces around between living with relatives and shelters and other characters he meets. 

He is living with relatives were he finds a five in the laundry. That he uses to buy a lottery ticket.

Then a short while later he is hospitalized and his relatives he had been living with bring a suitcase with is belongings in it to the hospital and tell him he has to find another place to live .

He then hits the lottery for big money and buys a large old house and makes it a HIV shelter for himself and others with the virus. He also does some activism to not just educate and increase awareness of the illness but try to increase hope and encourage all who share the larger home we all live in called planet earth.

Then after living in this large house one of the younger people has a tantrum then starts to cry and says you do not understand I have HIV and the older guy who owns the house says in case you do not remember everyone here has HIV ?

Then the older guy gets sick while living in the house and the younger people take care of him and he passes away peacefully knowing he is loved and cared about. He also had set up a trust fund to keep the home operating after his passing. Then a few years later a cure is found for HIV and the people in the house are all celebrating. One of them picks up a picture of the guy who funded the house they live in and says this is so great to bad you missed this moment. They look sad for moment then they look at all the happy people in the house and smile and say something like you did good with what you had .

Then the next seen is the guy  looking at the lottery ticket he bought with the five he found in the laundry and lying in the hospital bed. When someone from the hospital comes into his room and says you are being discharged is there anyone we should call he looks over at his suit case goes no I have no one and nothing. A narrative voice of his thoughts says only my dreams he looks back at the lottery ticket . the other part of winning the lottery and having friends and house were only a day dream he was having after his family had placed his suitcase in his room and told him he needed to find some were else to live .


I had another aspect of the story I was thinking of adding about a estranged wife and a daughter he is afraid to contact thinking her dreams of what he is might be best served by him not contacting her ? Then when he is at the lottery home he had bought he finds her thinking that money would make everything all right and she ( use your own thoughts do you think a father who does not raze his own children and has never spent the time it takes to be a good parent ever gets the love of there children they so need and desire ? ) well lets just say she gets angry with him and wants nothing to do with him . Then later when he dies he is holding in his hand a picture of his daughter and her mother . another sad aspect to add depth to the story.


Just a day dream I had that was much longer and detailed. Like I had written at the beginning of this

short condensed version of a fictional story line about HIV

I guess I had thought a sad HIV story were the dream was a better story then the reality

submitted for your approval is what I had thought Rod Serling used to say at the begging of the twilight zone so I had changed it to the opposite like maybe this one America's most unwanted ?

Maybe a story about a wealthy successful pillar of the community who gets HIV  from an unknown never told reason just circumstance the story never says it just is a mystery story like how some people seem to have everything and an easy life and easy time and are so blessed and HIV can affect there life as well ??  would that be more to what is the desire of those in this forum ? Or would that be more what those in this forum might like others in the world to think about HIV.

thank you

EM


the above is a short condensed rough draft idea of a sad story inside a sad story inside yet another sad story. The saddest part of this sad story thinking that if you had a large amount of money the problems of your life would be easier ?

I hope this explanation of what I was trying to build with words helps


Thank you

EM 

were the virus comes from does not change the sad aspect of how it constantly and continuously overrides every aspect of the lives lived by those who have the misfortune of caring this agent of destruction. ( written for dramatic effect ) like it or not this is just me venting my frustration and sorry if you have trouble following this maybe I should just write some more common aspects of being HIV +. Or tell you about being in the military in the eighties and seeing line after line at different military bases of service men being discharged for being GAY the way they were found out the Military tested there blood and then told them they had found something wrong with there blood. Then when they said O my god is it AIDS the military then asked what makes you think you have AIDS most of them confessed on the spot because I am GAY ? They were told they would be processed for discharge they did not care were they went they just could not stay in the military in other words  to get there things and leave the base by 0900 tomorrow for discharge. That is 9 AM the next day to get out and go and not look back.  most of them broke down and cried

After seeing this well maybe some other time I will feel up to telling more of my story but just the image of thousands of service men lined up to be told to leave there jobs and the life they new and get out ?

When did this happen 1984 when the first HIV test was started to be used and the military used it to clean out undesirable homosexuals from the service I guess they thought it was for the best!

what happened when they told me ? what would you say or do if someone said we found something wrong with your blood and now we want you to leave go away you are not welcome here ? why did they send me all over the world to other military bases ??

I wrote this on the other web sight aidsmeds used to have ?

maybe some other time ( by the way parts of this are still fiction, cause well I can not handle the truth, thank you very much ? )


I was sent to a few military installations as a witness to the fall out. Incase you might want to know, The young men all lined up with the look of knowing what they were about to face and knowing there was nothing they could do and nothing anyone else would do ? It made me think of what the people who were sent to concentration camps in Germany during WWII most have thought and felt ?

Maybe this new level Of sadness and HIV history some day might be worth knowing ?

at least now those images that have haunted me now can haunt you TOO .

In the late eighties I had met a man who seemed to me he might be gay but was very sad. I had asked him why so gloomy  He had said he had just found out a few months back he had HIV. I had said do you know what I see late at night when I close my eyes ? sad faces one after another after another never ending just passing  by me. He had said I do not think I would like to see that, He also added that is not a story I think you should  tell anyone cause it would only bring them down ? Make them think you are crazy ?

(  A ghost story ) maybe the above should be called the ( THE WAR on HIV ) hey what the heck we have WARS on everything now ??

OK now wright critics on how horrible the above witting is

 Then say some were else why is no one doing anything ?

Then ponder how can things like that have happened in the past while turning a blind eye to things  just the same ,  that are happening now .

Then draw the conclusion ( that guy needs to take a pill ) that will fix it .


EM

Another experience I believe few have had the pleasure of enduring in the late eighties I was living in a homeless shelter with HIV + heroin addicts ? Now that was an experience I would not recommend ( well maybe my worst enemies if I had any that could think of ? )

One time I had a bottle of wine and I shared with whoever wanted some, It was a white table wine. Not mad dog or night train just a light dinner wine.  A few days later the guy who had helped himself to the largest amount had a bottle of mad dog or night train I asked if I could have some and he got angry and said NO > I had said you had some of my wine the other night . He then had said just cause you are an idiot does not make me one !

loads of fun there .



side line

You think it is difficult living with HIV in the late eighties the VA had placed me in an Alzheimer's word ask me sometimes about how that was ?

Thorazine a lobotomy in a bottle ??

making problems go away through not thinking about them ? That is the accepted answer I say not the right one !

The medical system that deals with mental health is like the Inquisition the witch hunts; how times changes but keeping those who actually can think from thinking or anyone who does not follow the accepted way of thinking , is an age old problem and dealing with them the cause of many atrocities most of the world would not like to think about including me.

If you want the prisoners of Gitmo ( Guantanamo bay Cuba ) to talk just have them spend some time in Alzheimer's word like that. I would have confessed to anything if I had thought it would have gotten me out of that place.
 
There are worse things then HIV and worse things then even death > A small one might be living without ever having the chance to truly live life they way it is meant to be lived ( just replace the word live with love and that would be the next worst thing to do )  < Like this Loving without ever having the chance to truly love loveingly the way it is meant to be loved >  crazy I know but a world were fear rules and love is sidelined is not something to fear it is just the way things are do to HIV then that is a night mare we all are living in if everyone else in the world does not see it and  is in denial of it and there for sane because of this ability  . then because I can see it then well I do not,   not see  it  so there for my observation makes me crazy How is a pill going to change the fact that it bothers me and not be able to change nor make it better also bothers me ? I guess I am just bothered and that is how it is and will always be .

I need help everyone says to make myself sane like them, When in reality  I need help making the world well so that I can feel sane. I can not do it alone.  that help I will remain hopeful if not in my life time maybe some day some ware far down the road the change will come and the world will truly be the place in my dreams.

Like Martin Luther King jr ( I have a dream speech ) just a crazy persons view of what still needs to be done many years later from his speech and hopefully will get done over the next many years yet to come .

What I ment by mentioning Martin Luther King Jr. Speech. He had mentioned having a dream of the future were in a person is judged not by the colour of his skin instead by the make up of his charecter.

Then he had said something about he might not make it to this place with you ? He thought his own life may be in trouble or  it might take along time to get to this place he was speeking about. He was assinated.

I say I have a dream of a world were people do not have to suffer from this virus and do not get judged by some virus they carry. They have the opertunity to live and love and have  productive lives without fear.

 I was thinking more along the lines of it might take many years before a cure for HIV is found I hope and know one will be found it just may not be in my life time of the next sixty years cause I plan on living to be well into my hundred and somethings before I die ?    I plan on living to be at least a hundred and sixty something just so I will have the opertunity to get on the nerves of everyone and anyone I may have missed in the life I have already lived  and that is going to take a long time at least a hundred years at one person at a time to do. Thank you verry much .

sorry If I spell check this I will probably lose my nerve and delete it ?

always moving foreword

 ( maybe tommorrow I will be able to write clearer it is late I have sleep to cetch up on  (god bless and good night to all who live in our home the sphere we call earth )) 

 


all my best to you
EM

[em]

For Easter

When Christ had risen after the ordeal he had been through. A faith based way telling of things will be filled with miraculous and astonishing miracles through our lord and faith in GOD .

I had wanted to tell about my DAD's passing.
I had said I had thought maybe my father had been murdered because he was HIV + ? 
 I had told this story to my new ID doc and they had said was your father on the down low ?(Even ID doc needs to think there are rules to this virus and only homosexuals get it )  I had said would he jump anything in a skirt that was not fast enough to get out of his way ? They had then said lets check your psych meds. I had said I am not on any nor have I been on any for at least ten years thank you very much . They set up a psych consult for me on the 22 of this month ?
I had said I had thought maybe my father had been murdered because he was HIV + ?  SO for that I need to be medicated ? I have been going to this ID clinic for twenty years now .

SO if I do not write anything here after that date it is because I am taking psych meds again for the five hundredth time.

I had also just sent off an Email to a friend of mine who used to be the DAV commander for this area.

He was in the NAVY during WWII and was badly burnt when his ship had been hit during a landing of troops in Italy in the early part of the war.
 He had said one time at a political dinner he had given Senator  Pell a check for six thousand dollars on the  behave of Disable American Veterans. When the asteamed  gentleman went to leave the fund raiser the DAV commander had noticed the check was on the floor under his seat. Senator Pell had dropped the check for six thousand dollars on the floor. Back in nineteen sixty a brand new sports car was about two thousand and a nice house was about ten thousand. So then that was a lot of money. Soon that might be a lunch tab?
This friend had also been to the actors studio and studied under Stela Adler. He had told me he was diner guest of hers all the time. When he described the way her diners went I believe him.
He also had said Warren Beatty was his Room mate ?
 If anyone knows him maybe they could  ask him. Maybe even ask him if in a movie about AIDS he might want to play the part of my DAD ? Mat Damon could play the younger me maybe ? Or maybe Jack Nickolson could play my dad. Keanu Reeves could play my part ?

talk about counting your eggs before the've been hatched ? The only thing that is goin to come from my witting this is who ever did bash in the back of my Dads head is going to be scared they might be found out ?

My dad about ten years ago had told me he had needed to talk to me ? I had never told my dad I had this virus  . He had said to me why do you work at that place with those people. People are going to talk . He had been going on for hours about who and what I was doing with my life. I had seen the piano player who I had worked with putting on shows. Eating breakfast and I could not take my dad saying what he was saying anymore > I got up and said to the guy who played piano what are you looking at fagot ! my father turned white and then outside got even more angry with me ? I was like what do you want ? I did  not speak to him for a about a year.

I saw the guy later and I could not talk about that moment he had only said he had just made a cd of piano tunes of calming mod music and was very happy with what he had made . and that was not to bad for a fagot right ?

I just looked down feeling ashamed I had let my anger burst out at the wrong person. I should have just told me DAD were do you think an HIV+ heterosexual should work ? I was working at a dinner theater building sets and waiting tables.

any who now that I Have gone on and on and on some more  without telling you about my fathers demise ?

I had gone to visit him when he had said he had something to talk to me about ? he had rented the movie and the band played on ?

I had thought my mother, one of my brothers or the doctors had told him I was HIV + .

Then after his death the women he was living with had told me your dad had a virus ?

Her son had told her after the funeral   did you take your pills MOM ?

My dad was found in his recliner with blunt force trauma to the back of his head ?

She had said she had been evicted because my father was not on the lease?

To tell you the truth I think the landlord did it cause he did not want people with AIDS living in his building.

By the way that old building was the berth place of Cardinal Cushing of Boston MASS ??

Could make an episode of CSI or even a true story movie or maybe just that I am telling this web page this information might be to much ?

Maybe it will just make me feel worse ?

Maybe if it was made into a movie I could go to a sit down restaurant and not have to look for the cheapest items on the menu. I could eat without worrying about the cost ?

I am not looking to get anyone punished. My dad is dead and nothing will bring him back I miss him terribly. Maybe a movie about how people trying to live love and be happy and work hard to rasie there families still can get HIV even in the wealthy land of the US ? That might be a movie I would like to dedicate to my DAD ? I Have a cousin who is a state trouper who works in homicide. Maybe I should talk to him about what happened to my dad ? Everyone I know says it was an accident and that is that let it alone? The women my dad was living with has a nephiew that is in the army I had talked to him on the phone shortly after my dad had died he has spent the greater part of the last few years in Iraq . He had said how do you know My Aunt did not bash your dad in the back of the head with a fring pan. I had said well if that is true at least he died by the hands of some one who loved him and I had thougth to myself shore beets dying alone in some ally forgotten filled with despear and alone ?
 
I would however like to tell a story about struggling with HIV AIDS in the USA .

I could write more about what people had told me and dates and times and what not ?

I have lots of other clues and info and stories but I must let go of this for now .

If I were doing this to better my life and others with HIV I would but witting stuff like this takes a lot out of me and does not put food on the table. SO please pardon me.

good night and God bless

all my best to you

EM

 Truth or not like I had written here before I can not handle the truth, thank you very much ?

 
What do I know about acting ?

I had worked for ten years at a Diner theater.
I have spoken with many people in the industry.
I have been on set with Steven Spielberg. I was in the same room with him while he was filming Amestad .
I had met three of the actors who had worked on the movie Mystic Pizza That stared Julia Roberts.
One of the actresses from that movie had asked me what I had thought about acting.
I had said sure beets bagging groceries and this other acter got quite and angry stared off in the othr direction and the actress I was talking too looked at me like I had just said the worst thing I could have posibly said like I was making a joke about acting ? Not my intention at all .

My day job at that time I was working bagging groceries ? was all I had ment ?
O well maybe some day Conchetta Ferrell will fogive me for not knowing the right thing to say ? Who is she ? currently she plays the house keeper on two and half men incase her name does not ring a bell ?
I bet you thought I was going to say Julia Roberts was the person I was talking too ?



That was during the filming of the Buccaneers, IN one seen they shot I got to hold Carla Gugino's hand. That seen was cut out of the movie but who cares every time I watch Spy kids with her and Antonio Bandarious and Ricado Montibond and Cheach Moron . Still I held her hand and got paid to do it ? while at work beet that one.
She probably would not remmember but ask her about the foot man that helped her get out of the cariage.

The wordrobe people or the director had cut the seems on the knicker pants I was wearing so when I went to bend over they ripped . I guess it was atempt to have fun and make some comedy on the set . I just stood there with my pants hanging open thinking ya well whatever ? a movie like that and they could not even get or  keep the costumes in good shape ?  I guess he was looking for comic releaf , Sorry I did not see anything funny about it and just tried to keep goin with my but hanging out of the pants > that seen they cut and the seen were I hold her hand they cut ? the seen they cept were I tried to steady the cariage while the horse tried to pull when another horse tried to pass the cariage they cept and they also added in a british person saying something about steading the cariage. the horse was named sergeant and was a retired race horse and did not like other horses passing him while he was out and about ? at least that was what the cariage driver had told me ? The opening seen with conchetta had said they did not give her script untill that morning so inbetween takes she read her script that was hidden behind her back in the chair she was sitting in. I was standing behind her and helped her hide the script before they said action and when the seen was over helped her pull the script out again to make sure she was saying the right lines .
   


Just wanted to write about even though being HIV + I have tried to have a life ?



All my best to you

EM



O well not like anyone who knows those famious people would ever read anything posted here right ?

So now If Like I had written before If I try and spell check this I will loss my nerve and delte the whole thing in its enterety so please forgive me if I leave this as it is . thank you so much for your indulgence .

all my best to you

EM
 

I was wondering if i did write a HIV story and it was made into a movie, If there would be any way to use that song by Madona that has that line in it " If I live to tell the secrets I have learned till then it will burn inside of me "

I guess it was just coincidence but some one had Emailed me an Easter card with no name of who had sent it. The card had an Easter basket with colored Easter eggs that hatch and have little birds in it. I had thought about what I wrote here about counting your eggs before they have hatched


An HIV Support group IN 1989. The people I had met there and what had happened to them over the next five years . There were five people who were there every week for two years. At the end of a meeting one guy had asked me if I was gay . I had thought should say yes just so he does not feel bad and well being HIV+ therfore I must be gay right cause thre is no other way to get this virus ? or should I say no cause I really did not want him hitting on me and I do not want to have sex with other men but being HIV + he is not going to beleive me so why did he ask  ? So I had asked what is your story ? He had said he had met an older man and they had moved in to together. He had said His lover who he had been living with had passed away from AIDS in 1985, It was painful thing to live through but he was hopeful they would find a cure in the nest few years. There was a  woman there and because all the guys had asked me if i was gay I had thought was she ? she had said her husband was sick from the virus I had asked was he gay cause that was the lead question everyone else was asking ? She well maybe some other time I will tell her story if anyone is interested in knowing what being HIV+ was like in the middle years ? Not the early years and not right now at this moment ?

I could give a description of what it was like meeting the womens husband and seeing how bad his physical health had made him look and gaunt and  unhealthy he looked. A mear shadow of waht a viral human being normally looks like.

That was then this is now.

Here is a side line about hope

I had bought two large beers and kept them out of sight. One for when the red sox win the world series and the other for when there was a cure for AIDS. My grand mother had spent most of her life going to Fenway Park in Boston to watch the red sox. Every year she would say next year the red sox are going to go all way.

She died at the tender young age of 86. then a few years later when the red sox won. I dug through my stuff in my  hopeless chest and found one of the two beers and drank it thinking of my grand mother. Year after year keeping hopefull that next year will not be the same and  staring at the other one thinking maybe some day I will drink the other one that there was hope. Today I started to drink the other beer after carrying it around for 15 years it was not even a bit skunked  ( turned bad an old beer will have a skunk smell to it if has turned ). Even if a true cure is not found things are not nearly as bad as they they once were.

This is some day

Sometime in the future this virus will not even be known anymore. Younger people do not know about polio and older people do not know how many people died from TB before there time ? What it was like when small pox before TB.  Just the way it is .

O ya and maybe another song I would like to fit into a story about HIV . Is from MAn of Lamancha to dream the imposible dream. Have that one about finding a cure for HIV AIDS.

Just a dream I am sharing with you about some day some way making the best of bad situation.

all my best to you

EM

[em]

I had thought today about some character development and what life might be like in house were all the tenants are HIV + and the owner of the house won the lottery ?

The part I had mentioned earlier about the guy who owns the house having a daughter. Have a sub plot were the other people living with him try to get him and his daughter talking to each other .

One character in the house looks the way Joaquin Phoenix looks now. with a thick beard and long hair. He never leaves his room. Only to eat and grunt at the other people He lives with. Then in Halloween he comes out wearing a space suit but his wiry beard sticks out form under the front of it and his long hair sticks out the back. He comes out of his room saying how is this for a great costume no one is going to know who I am. The other people there look his beard and hair sticking out and say wow that is a great disguise .

Then at Christmas time after almost a year of barley saying anything he sings " I'm Dreaming of a white Christmas " at there Christmas party.

At another part of the story the owner of the house sings killing me softly with her song. The other people say are you singing about an old love. He says no that one I was thinking about my daughter and being such a failure as a father .

they have a spontanious dance party breaks out in the house and ther are blaring music and dancing all over the house doin the happy dance just cause the feel like it .

I had more different ideas I would have liked to have added to this today but had to get other things done.

The lottery winner mentions watching one of  his neighbors through his bedroom window in a house he was staying with relatives. This neighbor seemed to have everything going for her. He at this time he was in hospital bed with visiting nurses who kept telling his relatives the end is near and they should get ready any day now . He thought the women in the house behind his. They were so lucky and healthy so blessed .. He had thought wow they have everything going for them. He thought while lying in this bed waiting for our merciful God to take him in his sleep so he would no longer be a burden to his relatives and thinking at the same time how unfair life sometimes seems to be. My she has to be one of the most beautiful women he has ever seen. Her husband was a very lucky man. They had children there lives looked so perfect and he was so jealous and envious of there lives. The children playing in the yard the wife every morning going out for a jog.  The wife had suddenly taken ill and passed away . He thought here I am after years of being HIV +. This women who seemed to have everything going for her  got ill and passed away ?  (that one is based on a true story that I had been part of myself ) Then protease inhibitors came out and he regained his health. Now ten years later the people in the house are his family he hopes they have long happy lives together.

I was thinking of adding another guy to this list of characters that is a WWII veteran that is in is eighties  and well that is what is so great about this premise this story can run the entire gambit of people and places and thoughts. Cause anyone can get HIV and anyone can get sick and die even people who do not have HIV .

All my best to you
EM
   
this might give away that I really am an old man .

Does anyone remember St. Elswhere there was a character who was a doctor and He finds out he is HIV+ so he goes to the pharmacy  to get a prescription for curare ( a drug that blocks signals in the nervous system causing instant death ) The pharmacist tosses the bottle in the air to the guy and says doctors sure now how to take the easy way out . Later he is in his apartment looking at the bottle. When suddenly there is a pounding at his door . He opens the door and little girl of about 13 is standing there she says sorry I live up stares and I was filling the bathtub and got distracted and it over filled and there is water everywhere my mom had gone to the market. When she gets home she is going to kill me . He says well lets go and take a look and go upstairs to help her clean up the water and help her from the mess she had gotten herself into. He later goes back to the hospital and says I am leaving this hospital and joining Doctors with out borders to help other people around the world who need it most.   I do not remember the characters name or the actor who played him but I think he is the same guy who plays Gibbs on NCIS. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong ?

Then there was 21 jump street with Johny Depp they had a two parter on HIV . Sorry Johnny Depp did not play that guy but while doing some investigating he finds this young man who has AIDS. well I had written about that one on this websight before .

O and another experience that happened to me in the late ninties. My ID doc. had said well your T-cell count is 7 and your viral load is in the trillions and  you are enemic. I had said wew so what you are saying I no longer have to worry about acnee? He said what are you talking about ? I had said well with a T-cell count like that I do not have enough white blood cells to build a pimpell right. Then I had said always a bright side if you know were to look for it Doc . Then I smilled and went home . 

All my best to you
EM

OK an episode for CSI new york.

AN old man is found with blunt force trama to the back of his head and is found sitting in his recliner.

The CSI investigators say he had AIDS but the cause of death was the blow to the back of the head.

The police want to file the death as accidental, But Lt Dan wants to investigate because he believes it was murder. The women form the show Providence wants to investigate because a life was taken and HIV AIDS should not be considered justifiable homicide ! The police want to drop it cause the guy was going to die anyway. Some one just did him a favor by ending his suffering.

Just a thought if anyone knows anyone who works at that show I am sure my dad would not mind using his story for a TV episode. Well cause he is dead and I have not heard any complaints from him lately. If he were not dead I am sure he would think the idea was a waist of time there was no way anyone would listen too his useless crazy son ? But what the heck does not hurt to ask right . 

All My best to you

EM

they had said I had exedded the 2000 charecter limit for a post. So I copied and pasted the stuff  I written and made it into two sections.

I could cut and paste and move this over to living with forum or move it to off topic like Andy Valez had wanted to do or move to the what I would like to see on tv and movie about HIV forum ?

or maybe I should copy this to my own Email and submit it to magazines and get paid for my efforts to write about what I know ?

or maybe I could find a websight for a magazine that focuses on HIV AIDS ? O ya this is the place to do just that ?

sorry just trying my hand at using sarcasm .

good night and god bless

EM 

Can anyone check this info out for me ?

In the late eighties I had met this guy who had said he was HIV+ and we had talked, He had said I should read this book someone else had recommended. "The ballad of Typhoid  Mary" Published in 1985 by J.F.Federspiel . I had understood by reading the book she had found her fathers memoirs after his passing . Then used them for the inspiration to write a book. She had taken stories from his life  and juxtaposed her fathers life for that of Mary.

I had gone to the public library and had asked about the book and librarian had said they did not have that book. So while walking around blindly through the place like the book was calling to me I had found it on a back shelf without even using the card catalog and brought it up to her to sign it out. She did not say a word not even a wow we do have it or how did you find this ?  Just knitted her eye brows and let me sign the book out .   

The book never says what her father died from but it does not take a criminal detective super sleuth to see the intended innuendo of typhoid Mary and a man passing from AIDS ?

feel free to read the book and then post someplace on here what you think.

all my best to you

EM

A true Hollywood HIV story for the files
I had probably mentioned this in the last AIDSMEDS forum before they changed it.

This guy I know who has not given HIV to anyone in the twenty years he has known his status.
How does he know this because he has not had sex with anyone other Mary Palmer and her five sisters. Now if someone somehow has come into contact with his blood at the ID clinic. That is beyond his control and entirely nothing to do with him. Even if you tell someone and you have safe sex if they go and get tested and find out they are positive and even if they have been for quite some time they are going to blame you because you told them. They in all likely hood are not going to remember that drunken night five years ago they had un safe sex with a traveling sales man. No the virus must have come from you . Cause that is the only place it could have come from in there mind . Then the law is going to say you must have done something unsafe during this sex and knowingly infected this person they are going to prosecute to the full extent of the law and there family is going to want there pound of flesh. Sex is not the recreational activity it was once thought to be.

That little tid bit aside. He had met someone and had told them his status and they talked and as he tells it she had said do you want to get busy with it. He could not bring himself to do it. He had told her He was police man and was working for a police office were he had grown up. He had also given her his Email Address and told her to send him an Email some time to keep in touch. She had gone over to a friend's house to use his computer to send an Email and told him this guy is a police officer and lives and works in this town and was HIV+. He had gotten it into his head that he was going to save future women from being infected by this guy by going over there and killing him. He stole two cars and killed three innocent people in that town while trying to find this guy. When the police found him he had said it was justifiable homicide because they would not help him find this guy and help him kill him before he spread AIDS to another person. Believe it or not. Just ask me some time the name of the town he mentioned and check the police record in that town.

that is not how I would like things to be. that is just how they are .

all my best to you

EM

I had an idea of why not tie in the two stories of my dad being found dead in his recliner and the guy looking for a police man who has HIV ? The guy tracked down my dad looking for his son ?

My Dad told the guy you want to find my son that is easy just go to the police station and ask for detective ( my last name here ) I am sure they would be glad to help you. Then he hit my dad in the back of the head with some heavy blunt object he was either caring or picked up at my dad's apartment.

Then have whoever plays my part go to court to see the trial and conviction of the guy who had wanted to kill him but instead killed my dad and three other people ? Tell him well for more on this story I will have to wait for a contract to sell the story from CSI New York , Or a movie deal or something ?

What town did the police report on the news say this guy had killed three people ? The berth place of Cardinal Cushing of Boston ??

Ask the local news or find someone with access to police report I dare you !

Remember this is only fiction cause,  I cannot handle the truth, thank you very much !

I had a lot more to add but if no one is buying then I am not selling and I still need to put food on my table .

All my best to you

EM

[em]

I was thinking of adding to this >

How about the guy who hits the lottery instead is an extremely wealthy entrepreneur a true philanthropist I think the wizard of oz called it right on with " some one who is a good dead doer "

When he opens this building to these people they say know what should we do after all we have HIV that will cause AIDS and no one no were will want anything to do with our kind what will become of us ?

He is all well dressed and looking like the million bucks everyone knows he has and he tells the members of the house I too am HIV + >

would that be something worth seeing in movie ?

all my best
em

this is written after the post below .

Instead of pushing my way to the top of the pile and rocking the boat and exciting anger and drawing attention that might be negative.
 how about scraping the entire idea above as just a bad dream if I could delete the entire thing I would.

new idea

an after school special that has a small group of teen agers hanging around an apartment building just shooting the breeze and one of them says what do you know about AIDS and another one says I heard it was pretty bad way back when but my parents will not talk about it .

Just then the shut in, the crazy guy the person who never leaves there apartment and every one whispers and snickers when they walk down the hall from the last apartment in the back walks by to throw out his trash and the teen agers ask him what do you know about AIDS ?

He says they used to say everyone will know someone who will die from AIDS back in the beginning of the 80's . One of the teens says we do not know anyone who has died from AIDS. He says probably because when someone dies from AIDS there families say they passed from something else just to save face and save themselves from the shame of having everyone know some one in there family had the bad disease ? This way they do not have to blame themselves with guilt thinking everyone will think how did you let your brother sister uncle aunt cousin nephew niece child get AIDS what is wrong with you ?

The teens say we still do not know anyone who has died from AIDS . He says that maybe true some day but right now there are people all over the world even if this town that have this virus that causes AIDS One of the teens says we still do not know any then the older guy says they might be right next to you and you might not even know it > just then the over bearing man from the front of the building who has to know everything and be in charge of every situation and decides what is what in all that happens around him comes out from his door. He yells what are you doing down there kids get to your homes > He walks up to the lonely isolated shadow of man that lives alone in the back of the building and says If I ever catch you even saying bo to any of those children you will not live to see tomorrow I know you have HIV and you better stay in the back and not talk to anyone or your grave that is coming soon will come even sooner read me !

The broken man who was trying to comfort and tell the teen children the story of hiv and how there are far worse things in this world to fear then a virus just slowly walks back to his lonely apartment to sit and wate for a time when he gets his chance to be heard and in the mean time he simply watches the world go by knowing there is nothing he can do >

He thinks well I might as well already be dead cause there is no life left in me >

then he hears a knock on his door and it is someone who has read about the guy at the beginning of this post who is opening an HIV _ shelter and tells this guy living in the  back of the building to get his name in and get out of this building and away from these people maybe there he has a chance at a life with some living in it ?

just a story fiction not at all true but a diversion form what the reel world has to offer ?

all my best
em


How about something completely different a different story all together the nova new or modern  buccaneer >

The story of modern pirate who is seeking the greatest treasure ever known a hoard so large and valuable comprehending its value and grasping its worth is the stuff of the greatest dreams ever dreamt  ; the largest most valuable thing on earth the treasure known as L'Amour  the love treasure ?

The true meaning and existence of what is and how to express and understand love > now that is a treasure worth seeking and understanding and finding >

Like I had posted some place else around here or there >

no greater calling then simply LOVE


all my best
em

now for some reality check

someone on here an another page had mentioned WAR vets ? and the GULF

Some one on another posting had metioned PTSD ? I have this freind from high school who jioned the army after high school served and then became of all things an english high school teacher then afer 2001 rejioned and went over there again ?

When my father passed away he gives me a call> He says your dad was living with my AUNT I say I know that ? He says how do you know she did not hit him on the back of the head with frying pan ?

I had said with out missing a beat if that were the case at least he died by the hands of someone who loved him
They lived together of and on for the past thirty somethin years. If she could put up with a hard drinking hard hitting  southy for off and on for thirty years with out hitting him with a blunt object ?? she is quite the tuff woman let me tell you .

Any who this decorated soldier from the persian gulf who also was a  drill instructor says on the phone after I say at least he died by the hands of someone who loved him and he did not die  cold hungry alone forgoten in some dark ally thrown in with the trash ?

 This battle hardened well  seasoned veteran with life experiences on being the tuff guy I should have asked him what was worse Irag or teaching high school english ? ( sorry for the side track )

Do you know what this army soldier combat vet with multiple tours of duty under his belt  says on the phone to me ?

A guy I went to high school with used to hang out with we were in the same classes together for years even went on double dates together with  had told me ?

A guy who's own sister lived with my uncle that is to say our families have quite the long history together over the years >

who I have his address his phone number and his email adress and would have absolutely no trouble tracking down to find him > what he says to me >

what do you think he said ? what would you say ? what is the best or worst thing that could be said at this moment ? hey I am not goin to write everything and let everyone else enjoy the sad stories of my life with out having them write anything to add to this ? that would just not be right ?



< sorry maybe I will finish writting this  some other time >

EM

[Giblarry]

Em, story lines coalesce when you write them, and in the rewrites. 

I've only skimmed your outline.  I'd say you have a good story at this point. 

When I write, I put a cardboard placard where I can see it all the time.  On it says,
see it, touch it, smell it, hear it, taste it.  This is how stories build a scene  in the reader's mind.  Apply them all in workable combinations, and lift the story up off the page.  Your story line, which is already known to you, should then begin to work out it's own kinks. 

Hope it helps.
Gibs

[em]

sorry I can not edit the above >

but I can add to it ?

did I mention he was calling me from the air port leaving for Irag and when he calls  for the third time to irag or the third phone call to me I must be getting old and do not recall ? or something ? Then he had said funny thing recall that girl you knew in high school ? I had said yes.

HE says when I was leaving form the air port in Boston I could have sworn I saw your high school sweet heart in the airport ? I had thought wow what a strange world >

Then I find out she was leaving fenix arizona and moving back to mass to stay with her family she is a librarian now in well I do not need you guys bothering her and steeling her away to far off places in the world > I like it just find knowing she is within an hours drive from were I live so if I feel the urge I can find her stare at her for about second then run back under the rock I hide under ?

funny one time he had told me he had wanted to date her when we were in high school but thought how great it was she was with me ?

A war vet tells me this ?

funny even though I was in the military and had served should I consider myself a war vet ? even though HIV is far worse then seeing the stuff of combat watching freinds bodies shrival up like grapes on the vine touched by an early frost ever see that ? I have grapes onse frozen and thaw shrival reel fast ? like fruit and veggies irates with gamma to sterilize them from bugs and germs they shrival up reel fast too have seen that too ?  Well HIV and you know there is nothing you can do to save them and nothing you can do to stop it ? in combat fighting back organizing and defedning your self iws what you can do ? with diseaese all you can do is try to stop others from getting it ? and let those infected well they have there own fate to deal with ? that is the hard truth of life lets hope some day it changes ?






than again have seen way to much for one life time to explain in a quick typed post.

I hope this post finds you well

EM