POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Positive Women => Topic started by: BT65 on April 23, 2008, 08:45:28 am
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Morning ladies,
Queen, I'm sorry about the weed shortage. Don't you know anyone you can get some from? I sure hope so. I wouldn't want you not eating. I didn't hear about the drug bust. Around here, the most busts they have are for meth, which is a huge problem mostly over in the county next to me. Seriously, they have 2-3 meth busts a week. Anyway, I hope you can find some. I'm glad you're talking to your oldest sis. I know you've had trouble with her (and your other sis) in the past. I have a sister who talks for hours also. Every time I'm talking to her, I make excuses after about an hour and a half about having to get off the phone.
My knees have really been bothering me lately. For those who don't know, years ago, a guy pushed me down a flight of stairs. Part of the damage that was done was two fractured kneecaps. Of course I didn't (who could) stay off my feet, so that damaged them further. Then in my left one I developed a disease called avascular necrosis and the cartilage collapsed. I can't straighten it out-it just won't do it. And the cartilage is collapsing in my right cap. So, for the past couple weeks, they've been pretty stiff and achey. Every time I go see the orthopaedist, he won't even consider sugery (knee replacements) because of me having teh Aids. He says he's afraid I'll develop an infection he wouldn't be able to get rid of. WTF? I'm sure it could be done, and this doctor's afraid of liability. He did have a brace made for me a few years ago for my left knee (that cost $1,200), but I don't wear it anymore, because the velcro straps don't stick anymore. I might have to talk with my regular doc and see if he knows any ortho in town who might be able to do something. The ortho I was seeing is an excellent doc. He and his group take care of the Notre Dame football players. Maybe that's the thing-I don't have all the cash the N.D. players (or their parents) have. Dunno. OK, I'm done.
Today I have to go get some fruit at the store. Nothing else major planned. I might rent another movie. I have nothing but time right now, until I start my volunteer work somewhere, whenever that will be. I hope you ladies have a good morning. I'll be back.
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Hey all...
Betty: sorry bout ur knee problems...what the heck does being poz have to do with getting surgery?..on your knees?/..unless ur cd4s are down or something i can see him being afraid of u getting an infection or something then....
Queen:...wow a shortage??..i hate those..i havent been smoking as much in hopes of stopping soon but i hate when i am trying to get it and cant..that racks my last nerve...
Keeping: Stay healthy girl...do the bp pills bother u?..if not, well u know what to do..i decided ima take my meds as soon as i get up..put them by my bd and take them...See if that works..hope so...Sorry about SO losing his job..what a bummer...and a fine time to do that witht hte wedding n all...hopefully he finds something soon...or get some unemployment...
Nothing really goin on today...i need to take this sew in out but im not yet even tho its a lil raggedy...this is the most tangled "tangle-free" hair i have ever bought...but at 30 a pack..and i bought 3 packs..this ish will stay in my hair till it fall out...so prob another week,,which will be 4 weeks and ill get another hairstyle...maybe some cornrows....im going to Va on the 3rd for my cousins wedding..and bf wants to hang out down there for a while so we may go to busch gardens or kings dominion on that sunday..and drive back that night....im looking forward to that..we havent been out of town together like that yet without any kids, so it should be fun...
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hello ladies,
bogged down by work... pissed off about my job fucking up the accounts and causing me to lose a lot of money, for nothing, abolutely nothing that I did wrong, I now OWE money because they breached our contracts and then re-breached the breached contracts. It's like a 3rd world country, I would never ever have expected something like that here. My boss says I should go to a lawyer (it's a hot potato and he doesnt want to confront anyone on the board on our behalf). Yeah, right. I might as well pay up now instead of pay more to a lawyer with a very slim chance of getting the money in, like, 10 years. It's about a 1/3 of what I make a year, which is slightly above minimum wage. It's like all my savings after 2.5 years of work, pretty much, about to go down the drain.
Betty strange that, when I had broken my arm and less than 200 CD4s was actually afraid of surgery but they assured me its not a problem, then I didnt need it finally. Besides, poz women have C sections all the time, unless this type of surgery has a high chance of infection for some reason, dont get it. It sounds like you wont have a choice but to fix your knees and that could really impove your life. 2nd opinion?
Wishful sounds like a fun trip though not sure what are those places.
Hows it going with the quest for the white pants? Ive been bad, thats mainly why i dropped the food thread, too depressing.
Queen - dry spell eh? bummer. well if there was something to STOP me eating Id take it, though I need to eat with the meds. provided it didnt drive me over the edge like amphetamines and that type of stuff of course.
Keeping hope youre feeling better, poor thing.
Howdy to everyone else around these parts...
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So Drag, you're saying the money has to come out of your own pockets for a mistake made by your workplace? Wow. I don't think that shit would fly here (well, hopefully not).
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So Drag, you're saying the money has to come out of your own pockets for a mistake made by your workplace? Wow. I don't think that shit would fly here (well, hopefully not).
:-\ >:( yep. It's not a mistake per se, it started as one, but once they won't fix it, it's their way of cutting costs.
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Morning Ladies---
This should've been posted by now but I got sidetracked talking to my roomie. Nothing planned for me today either but I'm thinking about calling my primary doctor to see if he got the results back to my scan. Well, I got off the phone with the nurse. I have a legion on my liver about 2.1 in diameter, not sure how big that is and a cyst on my lung. I am in complete shock but I knew something was wrong. Now I have to wait to get in to see 2 specialists. I definitely will have something to blog about.
I have to go. I'll try to respond back to everyone later. Sorry.... :'(
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oh crap Queen, I can feel your shock right thru the screen, what a news out of nowhere... hope it's not dangerous. Hang in there. Sending you a big hug.
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oh crap Queen, I can feel your shock right thru the screen, what a news out of nowhere... hope it's not dangerous. Hang in there. Sending you a big hug.
Thanks
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I know its really really easy to say... but I am also going thru the resistance scare right now, waiting for results, and I try to not to let thoughts run ahead too much before knowing everything. I know you're probably frozen in panic and it's completely natural, but try not to play too many scenarios in your mind. (((Michelle)))
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OMFG! Michelle, I am so, so sorry to hear this. You have my e-mail address if you want to get ahold of me, or you can send your phone number to my e-mail addy and I'll call you. I don't know what to say, other than I'm here for ya and you are definitely in my thoughts. {{QUEEN}}
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Queen-I am so sorry to hear that! I am here too if you need to talk. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Snow
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Betty- I agree with Wish, that doesn't make much sense about you not to be able to have knee surgery, can't you get a second opinion from someone? You spent all that money and the velcro is worn, they should replace that free of charge that is ridiculous!
Drag- That fucking sucks!! How can they hold you responsible for that money? You are a better person than me because I would be telling them to pound sand.
Wish-
I hope you have a nice trip with your SO, sounds like a lot of fun!
I am still freakin miserable, talked to the therapist and cried a bit. I feel like a my theme song should be "I'm alone" that Donkey sings in Shrek. :-\ Went to see my ID doc and I still undetectable but he wouldn't give me my numbers for some reason?
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Snow, I don't know everything you're going through, but I'm here for you as well. I don't know why your doctor won't give you your numbers; did you ask and he refused? That sounds really assinine to me (on his part). At least you know you're still undetectable. I'm sure if your CD4s were hitting the shitter, your vl would be elevated. But I would still insist on getting the other numbers. That's your right.
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Snow: sometimes the doc is unaware of how knowledgeable we can be about our numbers...there is adoc at my id clinic that wouldnt say what my cd4 were when i asked...she just said they were fine..so i just had to reiterate what i wanted to know...and she took another look at the chart n told me...SOmetimes they make the mistake of treating all patients the same... :-\
Drag: what the heck is goin on with that..that sounds fishy to me..you are merely an employee. how in the hell can u be liable for a company mistake??
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I am so sorry Queen that the results of the scan were not all totally clear
- and I do so hope the liver and the lung thing is not anything too bad - but it is scary I know - I would give anything for none of us to have to go through this!!!!!!!!!!!
I do not have the results of my scan yet, just hope it was OK and they find nothing, but do not bank on this given how much I have abused my body in the past and with alcohol recently............................and now the HIV........................
But I really hope Queen that neither of the things they found in your scan prove to be anything to worry about.
Same to you Drag re your resistance scare, I so hope it turns out OK for you too. I know anything I can say will be inadequate..........but - My heart goes out to you both
I am thinking of you
Veritee XX
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Wishful - I had EXACTLY the same thing!!!!!
there is adoc at my id clinic that wouldnt say what my cd4 were when i asked...she just said they were fine..so i just had to reiterate what i wanted to know...and she took another look at the chart n told me
I know I had only just found out I was HIV........but that is no reason to assume that I am not capable of finding out - and very quickly - about CD4 etc....etc ........
I am a very intelligent woman of 55 years old , who has teaching, counselling , youth work and multimedia design qualifications and many other academic qualifications as well.
So why she thought I was not capable of going on the Internet and at my library researching everything I may need to know about HIV within a couple of days, I do not know ...........??????
I can only assume that she assumes that as I managed to get HIV ( and she did not - so far!!!!! ) that I am mentally deficient ...........................
or generally unintelligent or ignorant - sorry it makes me angry to be treated like this.
After all it is not rocket science to find out the facts about HIV and to become knowledgeable about your numbers.
When I asked about my first numbers result, I was told 'they are not too bad' which I found bl***y patronising, especially as I had had a week waiting for my results to look up what I needed to know.
So I pressed her to tell me 'exactly' what they were and wrote them down - and continue to do this with every test result she has - including things like liver function ( which has about 5 different numbers) after all it is my body - my numbers - my life....
Makes me very angry when consultants patronise you and assume you are less intelligent/capable of learning/understanding than them.................
I know I am every bit as intelligent and academically capable as any doctor I have ever seen - I just choose a different area of work
But if I need to I can find out all I need to know about any illness that affects me!!
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thx guys for the support... I agree doctors can be condescending at times, sometimes I think though they try to be protective, esp if you're new to all this... I trained mine to treat me seriously, it sure was a struggle but I am pleased to say they have changed a lot for the better.
Snow hope you feel better soon. They might not do CD4s everytime, mine alternate CD4s and VL so I dont get both at once, dunno why.
about the money thing, its affecting not just me. I and others have been talking, complaining, emailing about this for 4 months, but have hit a wall. The money is not owed by us to the employer but to the tax authorities, its basically a huge blunder their accounting made concerning our tax status as foriegners, and tried to fix it but that made a bigger mess in turn, with other implications, so that I end up having to pay back tax refunds from previous years on top of having to pay extra tax on 2 years, in short its a huge cockup no one wants to be responsible for. The insanest thing is that our employer (which is btw a government employer) does not pay its share of the taxes b/c it doesnt have to, b/c we are not citizens, so all this money is just down the drain, as it doesnt allow us to have any legal rights here, like pension, social security, maternity leave, unemployment benefits, etc (I get medical care thru a private health insurance).
All this is boring as hell thats why I never wrote about it before, but I was all the time thinking we could get it fixed by talking to the right people, but it seems they want us to take legal action, which of course to them is real easy as they have lawyers who are employed anyway to take care of things like this. No one wants to take legal action, nor do I, cos it will end up being much more expensive and take years to process, besides no one wants to sue a current employer... so that's is. The tax authorities couldnt care less that this is the employer's fault, and the employer couldn't care less about what they see as dispensable foreigners on temporary contracts. I just have to work extra hard to increasse my chances of getting a decent contract after this.
Thanks for letting me vent
Love ya ladies, going to bed soon, I won't let this crap spoil my mood in the longterm, it's just not worth it.
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Evening ladies,
Well, I had a two hour nap and I swear I could go back to sleep.
Queen, I hope you're doing alright. I've been thinking about you all afternoon. You know, as always, we're here.
Drag, that all sounds like one big clusterfuck. I hope this doesn't break you. I would be demanding the money back from the employer.
As far as doctors trying to shelter their patients, well, I've never had a doctor do that to me, nor would I expect one to. Snow, when I have my labs done, I always tell them to send me copies. I know not all labs do this, but you might want to inquire whether your lab does.
Nothing else really to say. I mainly checked back in to check on Queen. I hope you other ladies are having a good evening (or whatever time it is where you're at).
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My sweet Queen, I just read about the result of your scans. I'm so sorry. Hopefully the specialists will have some answers and solutions. I'll add it to my prayer list.
Drag, when I worked for a dry cleaner, my boss tried to make me pay for a mistake made by the plant. I worked behind the counter on the other side of town from where they actually cleaned the clothes. I didn't even write up the customer's ticket and they still tried to make me pay for the cleaning bill and to replace the guy's suit. I called the Better Business Bureau who promptly contacted the business and told them that they would be setting themselves up for a lawsuit if they docked any of my pay.
Betty: sorry to hear about your knees. I've known several people who've had knee replacement. It's hell to recover from, but once they did, they were amazed at the difference it made in their mobility.
I'm sporting a new 'do and I'm really happy with the way it turned out. I sat down and told the lady to do whatever she wanted. I didn't care what style she did, how much she cut off...I just needed HELP! She swung me around and I am impressed! I bought a bottle of color and will be doing that either tonight or tomorrow morning. Nothing else going on here. I'll check back in tomorrow.
Love you all!
Mum
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Queen - Sorry about the bad news. I've had a cyst removed but it was in a noninvasive area. My late husband had leasions on his liver. I believe they gave him pills to help heal it.
I hope it turns out ok for you.
Drag - geez that sucks, vent away
Mum - Glad you got a do you where happy with.
Veritee & wishfull - good for you! its always good to hear someone is standing up and taking part in their health care.
Snow - next time refuse to leave until they give you "your" numbers. LOL they are yours, you should be able to know what they are. Just tell them flat out you wont leave the exam room until someone gives you the exact results of your tests.
I'm just sitting here messing with the computer while Billy mows the back yard. I wish one of the kids would do it for him. I did it last time so I don't feel completely guilty.
I cant get "Hot stuff" by Donna Summer out of my head. I heard it on the radio today and had a chuckle thinking of the movie The full monty.
Clip from the movie I was talking about.
http://www.youtube.com/v/02weaqtbFQc&hl=en (http://www.youtube.com/v/02weaqtbFQc&hl=en)
The guys where standing in an unemployment line. They had been practicing a strip tease to earn some money. I'm going to have to rent that movie again. It was so funny.
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Good evening ladies. Just checking in. Queen, I hope that the lesion and cyst on your lung turns out to be harmless. I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you. Sorry about the weed shortage. We go through that about twice a year. Hopefully you will get some soon. Betty, that sounds like BS , about your knee surgery. I had that hysterectomy and had no problems. Your CD4's are above 200,right. Dragonette, that doesn't sound , right. Surely there is some recourse you can take instead of having to pay. Minismum, glad you got a great new do.Always makes me feel better. Win, snow, veritee, anyone else I forgot, take care. Cristy
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Queen,
My thoughts and prayers are with you girl! Please keep us posted when you know more. EVERYBODY GROUP-CYBER-HUGS FOR QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!
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Evening Ladies----
I am trying to deal with this latest news and all I can say is I am numb. I am scared more than anything because my Mother died of cancer and the fact is my Mother's life and mine has been kind of parallel. We seem to have gone through some of the same things. And due to how things have been going with me, I am expecting to hear the worst even when I do go see the specialist.
I have been thinking about things that I have always wanted to do and may never get the chance do them. I am thinking when I do get my stimulus check that I will say what the hell and splurge on me and get something I have been wanting. Thinking how very fucked up it is that this happening to me now with all the shit I am currently dealing with. I am feeling a flood of emotions and trying to deal with them as they hit me. I am upset and angry. But not to worry, I am not thinking of harming myself in any way. Still deciding if I should take my meds or not. Thinking I am going to leave this world without knowing what it is to be loved. Just a whole bunch of mixed up emotions.
I am trying to express my feelings here for now until I find the words to blog. I guess I am just a hot mess about now is the bottom line. I thank you all for your support and kind words. Some has offered to talk but being that my hearing is the way it is, it hard for me to talk by phone. I guess I am a text message type of girl. For now, I am speechless but will be around and jump in every now and again. I love you ladies and appreciate your concern.
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Ladies,
Queen, I really came back to see how you're doing. I'm concerned and understand you are feeling a wide array of emotions. You know we're all here for ya. Just talk away.
You other ladies behave and have a good night, or morning, wherever you are.
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First off, QUEEN, my sister , my prayers are going out to you tonite, You are going through so much , I know you are scared, a few years ago i had a growth in my stomach area and had to have a cat scan, mri and they found it was a hernia do to my hysterctomy, I was scared as shit, thought I would have to have an operation, but so far I have not thought about it much,and i'm just living with it ,unless the pain gets unbearable, I won't do anything about it. My dad died from colon cancer, so I have the same fears.
Queen you are loved, very loved by these woman here on this site.Never forget that. this is real love because it is not based on how you look, or how much money you have or even what race you are, I hope you find all the love you are looking for , because you deserve it. remember god loves you and he can heal anything, have faith my sister , and I speak for all the sisters here, WE LOVE YOU QUEEN!!!!!!!!
TO ALL THE OTHER SISTERS OUT THERE BE BLESSED AND LETS SAY A PRAYER FOR QUEEN.
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Thanks Netta and Betty. Everyone really who has expressed their concern. I just keep thinking the worst and trying to figure how I am going to survive this one. I'm pretty much in limbo til I see the specialist. All I want to do now is sleep to stop myself from thinking....Good Night
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Morning all,
Queen, my thoughts are with you. What a nightmare to be thinking all those thoughts... But please listen to Netta... she said it so beautifully. Try not to let your mind run wild, although its completely natural to be concerned (and that's in understatement). Hope the time passes quickly for you till the specialist. The HIV meds have nothing to do with this, I saw that it was written to you also by Dachshund and others, stopping them now will only lead to further complications, that you don't need, esp if you have surgery, and the last thing you need is getting resistant. So pls dont stop the meds & hang in there...
Well I am all stiff this morning, been in bed dozing, always noise from neighbours around 0700 on weekdays so no sleeping in, not at work yet.
I am pissed off to no end about the money but this is the end of a struggle around it since Jan. Unless we hire a lawyer and go into extended legal battle with all the disadvantages of that, they're pissing on us and nothing we can do. I'm pretty resilient and this won't break me, just annoy me.
Mom congrats on the new hair, I expressly avoid hairdressers, you're a trustful woman...
Everyone else have a decent day, I'd say great but let's settle for decent. Decent is the new great...
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Feel really pukey this morning - side effects I think and because I tried to go without the anti emetics that so far I seem to need
I hope you feel better in the morning Queen- inadequate words but I do hope you do. I know how your head can run on and you can get so upset even before you know what your health situation is ...
As of course I did this very recently when I heard I had HIV, but had not yet been to see the consultant myself or sorted out my treatment
- and my husband was in hospital and we thought he may die and my teenage daughter choose that time not to be very nice to me and also to live elsewhere ............... so I was alone and despite knowing that things have moved on with HIV, my thoughts were about my husband dying before we had ever had time to have a proper life together - due to his job at sea and him being away more than he is home - and my becoming a very lonely old lady with HIV and dying very alone and horribly of HIV complications/infections and cancers ................................I was alone and out of my head with theses thoughts for at least 3 weeks or so .....horrible
I guess it could still happen I still have HIV and my husband is still not that well, but now I know the full picture and doing something about it - i.e taking the HIV meds, I feel better .............
For me it is the 'not knowing' that is the worse ???. I do not know if it works like this for others, but I have faced health crisies before HIV and once I know the full picture and start treatment and adjust to living with it in the meantime , I am a lot better ....................it is before you I get that information and can start to do something about it that sends me into depressive and suicidal thoughts
Hang on Queen, please take your medication, I am sure it will be OK
I have a hearing problem too :( not huge, but my hearing is apparently about 20% down so talking on the phone can be difficult - but I do not know if it is my hearing or just that I prefer text for mutual/peer support?
I think it is the later - because I can think more about what I am saying and have more time to process what others are saying ................
.................and also in a 'one on one' phone call, I have a great fear of upsetting or offending someone else who may also not be in a good place either. Because in 'real life' I am a very blunt and can be an unintentionally short, maybe too honest person ( my name Veritee which means truth is very apt) and I tend to say the F word ( and others ) jsut in conversation - my gypsy upbringing or roots I guess - and forget/don't even notice I am saying swear words and some people just do not like this and get offended. -
It's usually OK in person as I am then able to judge by their facial expressions etc what sort of language to use to express myself to them....................in writing none of this usually happens
So any sort of mutual or peer support other than text based has many fears for me and especially the phone as I both do not have time to think about what I am saying, process the reply but nor can I read body language.
Wendy - I love that bit in the film 'The Full Monty'
http://www.youtube.com/v/02weaqtbFQc&hl=en
Every time I hear that song I think of those men at the benefit office. That bit - and the whole film i - s somehow so uplifting despite the grimness of their situation i.e on benefits in a very financially depressed area of Britain.
And due to this the film became a bit of a cult thing.
I think because they were fighting back ...........trying to do something about their situation using the only thing they had left - their bodies- and that their bodies were very imperfect too made it all the more uplifting that they were able to find a way be so proactive in the situation they found themselves.
Love the film still and love that clip
Thanks for reminding me of it as it sort of helps me to be proactive too
Veritee XXX
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Queen - i'm so sorry about the scans. I can imagine what u're going through. I'll remember you in my prayers. Please stay strong. You can survive this. We all love you and we want u around. Sending u a hug.
Betty- sorry about your knees. my boss is an orthopaedic surgeon and has done total hip replacements and other major operations on several HIV+ patients successfully. none of them developed any infections because of the operation. He makes sure the CD4 is high enough and he has a physician check out the patient first and give the green light before they go to theatre. i hope you find a surgeon who's willing to help you.
Wishful - i always get problems with these tangle-free weaves. they tangle no matter what i do. i brush and tie up my hair when i go to bed and all, use the correct moisturisers etc but sooner or later it wil tangle. its like it wants u to be in a salon every other day. at least I can get a couple weeks tangle free before it starts. its no wonder my little sister changes her hair every two weeks or so. also no wonder why i decided to cut off my hair.. Have fun on your trip
Drag - thats so totally unfair what they're doing. i'm sending u an e-mail.
Snow- i'd demand to know what my numbers are if i were you. they're your right and you should know these things. how can they think that patients should just take their word for it when they say its not bad or 'they're fine' or whatever. with knowledge comes power and u can make sure u get the best treatment options. those guys do make mistakes sometimes you know.
Mum - good thing your hair came out great. i've changed hairdressers so many times because i'm never really happy with the results. I always seemed to pick the wrong style or the wrong person or maybe it was just my hair that was the problem. Now all i do is put it oil sheen and comb it and i'm done.
We're STILL waiting for the stupid results. most of us have resigned ourselves to another 5 years with the old fart in power as its almost guaranteed that these recounts they're doing will end up with ZANU as the winner so it'll be pretty obvious that Mugabe will remain in power until he drops dead. Or he'll kill us all first. I think u've heard about the Chinese ship that was refused entry in South Africa which was carrying a cargo of weapons bought by the Ministry of Defence and were headed for Zimbabwe. Fortunately South Africa refused to let it dock and unload and was trying to get an international court order that the ship is refused at all the other possible docks. It might try Angola or Mozambique but the Zambian president has called for all nations not to accept that ship. Who wants to be responsible for the deaths of hundreds of innocent Zimbabwean civilians at a time like this? There's not a peep of that news from here. We had to hear from it from South African News channels. At least someone is trying to help us even if its because what happens in ZImbabwe will directly affect them adversely. Coz if its war we all running straight to South Africa, Botswana, Zambia Mozambique and they gonna have to move over and make space for us refugees in their countries. Plus theres the world cup. Cant hold an international event with a war next door can u?
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Tendai, I know its not funny AT ALL, but you just made me laugh with that last line of yours. Brilliant political analysis. You don't get to read that in the Economist and all those type of knowledgable publications.
China, what an honorable host for the olypics ::) Like I wrote you I'm surpised that Israeli & Russian arm dealers didn't cash in yet... let's hope everyone will at least have the sense to not to make things worse if they have not the balls to intervene.
RM = more like a fresh turd than an old fart IMHO.
Love ya,
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yeah what is it with China? someone needs to hold them down a bit. So what if the weapons were bought a long time ago, its the timing of their delivery thats the problem. no wonder they're such tight buddies with RM. Thank heavens for small mercies, thanks to the shortage of foreign currency the government cant buy from those arms dealers or we would probably be singing a different tune right now. thank goodness the fresh turd has alienated so many countries...
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but anyway ((((Tendai))))
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Morning ladies,
Queen, I'm still thinking about you. I hope you have a little better day today. Any word on when your doctor's appointments will be? Please do let us know. When I tested HIV+ in that treatment center, believe me, I was frantic. Like Veritee said, it's the not knowing that causes us to spin out sometimes.
Mum, I'm so glad you got a hairstyle you're comfortable with. That makes a world of difference. I rarely trust hairdressers. I have found one I like, but of course this was after going through many.
Wendy, why in the world would you feel guilty about Billy mowing the lawn?
Cristy, good to see you check in.
Drag, you seem to be handling the situation with the money pay-back well. I would be kicking and screaming, trust.
Tendai, I had not seen that story on the news regarding the Chinese shipment of weapons. Thank goodness they weren't allowed entry; I hope everyone else follows South Africa's example. What a tense situation. I can only wish the best for you; that would be so infuriating. About the knee, yeah. I don't know why this doctor seems to want to drag his feet. Maybe because I'm not a Notre Dame football player, and he would have to settle for getting paid what Medicare would pay him instead of tons of money. Who knows.
Veritee, yeah, not knowing is much worse. Getting a "diagnosis" without all the information can be maddening. About using the "f" word, hell, I use it also. I just pretty much know who I can and can't use it around. I hope your husband's health improves. Have you tried the marijuana yet?
For me, nothing today. I don't even know if I'm going to take a shower. I have nowhere to go. Saturday the Salvation Army is having dollar day (all clothes $1.00). I went to one of those before and got a Calvin Klein pair of jeans for $1.00.(!) So I might go to that. I usually clean today, but my place isn't dirty, so I'll just do what I like to call "surface" cleaning. I can't believe I have no schoolwork now, or until the end of summer.
I hope you ladies have a good morning. I'll be back.
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Good Morning Ladies,
Just checking in to see how everyone is doing. I'm back on the BP meds and my head feels a whole lot better.
Queen - Be strong honey. I thoughts and prayers are with you. I pray that everything will work out for you
Betty- Sorry to hear about your knees. I have inflamation on mines and that is a real pain. I hurts sometimes to get up off the floor.
Drag- If I were in that situation, I think I would still be rolling on the floor crying.
Wish - I know about them weaves. I have a curly one in now. This ish is getting on my nerves.
To all my other hunny bunnies, I hope you all are feeling well.
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Wendy, why in the world would you feel guilty about Billy mowing the lawn?
He works nearly everyday and has chronic pain problems and his ribs being broken when he exerts himself the pain increases.
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Wendy, I was thinking the same thing before... why? Poor guy. If I were your neighbour I'd mow it for you. I kind of like that.
Queen how's it going? thinking of you.
Keeping I didn't cry but I sure swore a lot and am pretty grumpy. I'm more worried about my health and my hands getting suspiciously bony though... I guess it's a heirarchy thing. It has not been the most fun 2 days.
I'm glad you feel better - most important. Just been invited to 2 weddings, one in May the other in Aug. My first Dutch weddings... the girl is always non-Dutch though. One is a poz-poz wedding.
Veritee hope you're not nautious anymore. If you still are I found that ginger boiled in water helps a lot after being advised by a nice guy here on the forums.
Just remembered that forgot to write to Sunseeker from a while back: so great the way things are working out with Whitey!
Havent heard from some women here in ages, hope they're alright - you know who you are.
Greetings to everyone...
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Hey--
I guess you can say that I am doing better today. I am accepting it more but I am still pissed and pissed at God/dess. I feel I have been through enough shit and who does he/she thinks she is!!! Uh, yeah I know it is God or whatever but I think this is pretty fucked up even for him/her. So, I am over the tears but just pissed. I'm ready for whatever and I am not going out without a fight. And should I make it through this mess, God better hook my ass up someway and I mean big time. Cause if I don't make it, there is going to be hell in heaven when I get there. Fuck a fallen angel, I may become a fallen Queen... ;D
I have gotten the dates to see my 2 specialists, one is on the 30 which is next week and the other is on May 12th which is also the day I was suppose to go see my son's probation officer. I called him today since he knew about my cat scan since I was suppose to see him on that day too. I told him the results and explained that I had to see a specialist that day. He is being patient and am trying to see me on the 30th but understands if I can't make it in. My son is lucking out due to what is going on with me and he doesn't even know it. He doesn't know what is going on with me either.
I plan on trying to do some research on biopsies and stuff. Hope I don't freak myself out more.
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Wendy, I was thinking the same thing before... why? Poor guy. If I were your neighbour I'd mow it for you. I kind of like that.
He probably wouldn't let you anyway. You know the macho male ego thing.
Queen LOL .
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Evening ladies,
Keeping, I am so glad you're back on your BP meds. That's a relief.
Veritee, I agree with Drag about the boiled ginger. It really works. But, you said you have anti-emetics. You should probably take them. I hope you don't have too many more problems with the nausea. That's a bitch.
Queen, I'm so glad you got the appointments. I'm anxious to hear what the doctors say. Like I said in another thread, you have every right to be pissed. I would be also. Fallen Queen, eh? I love it! Just hang on, girl.
I wonder where Cin has been. It's not like her to disappear for so long.
I did nothing but sleep today. I don't know if I needed it-I just did it. I really don't have anything to add. I hope everyone has a good evening.
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WOW!!!! I swear it just gets better....My son is now in jail for shooting my nephew's gun when my nephew got jumped over a female. One of the bullets just missed a baby. I had to hear it from my sister, the one who I don't get along with. He was down at the station telling the police he is 18 when he is 17, not that it matters what age he is because of the seriousness of the crime. I'll be calling his probation officer tomorrow. A friend of my son's just came over and told me about it too and some of the foolish things my son has been doing.
I love my son but he's hard headed and I've talked to him til I am blue in the face about something like this happening. He seems to glamorize being in jail and now he is. I'll have to wait for him to be processed and get the info on him on Monday. Maybe I can get the probation officer to help me with that. I am not stressing it though because I have enough on my plate at the moment. :o >:( :-[ :-\ :'(
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Queen, my daughter has done some things also that I could strangle her for. But, I know I'm not responsible for her behavior anymore, nor can I change what she does. This came at a time when you didn't need anything else, and I'm so sorry for that. Our kids have to do what we did-learn from our own mistakes.
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Aww geez Queen. Sorry to hear your kiddo is heading down the wrong path.
In my family there is a rule. If you do something to deserve to be in jail thats where you are staying.
Some people might not agree with it but I wouldn't bail him out of this mess. He needs to learn a lesson.
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Queen: I agree with Win on this one. I know it's easy for me to say since my oldest has barelly hit double-digits. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom. I'll pray his rock bottom isn't that far down. This isn't an easy time for you, Queen, and I'm so very sorry. I wish there was more I could do. Please know that a constant stream of prayers is heading your direction.
Tendai: I hadn't heard about the shipment either. Kudoes to South Africa for denying entry to the ship. We can only hope that all the other ports are as discerning. We are axiously watching to see what happens with your elections and the growing tension in your region. Prayers of safety for you, your family, and your countrymen are being raised. Hang in there and let us know what's happening.
Betty: what are you going to do with all that "free" time you suddenly have? It's got to feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of your shoulders, even if it's only for a few months. You are officially "that much" closer to the finish line. If anyone can do it, hun, it's you!
Drag: you hang in there, too. What goes around, comes around. Be assured that your boss is going to get his one day.
My boys had baseball games tonight. Our little t-baller did good. They can only run 1 base at a time, can only be called out at 1st base, the inning ends when everyone has batted, and no one keeps score. At the end, they get Little Debbie snacks and kool-aide. What could be better than that? When I talked to Hubby, our #2 who plays coach's pitch, was getting slaughtered. Our son plays left field (or "lefter" as he calls it) and spent most of his time picking flowers. When he went up to bat, he nearly got called out because he struck up a conversation with the catcher and told the umpire it was rude to interrupt. Maybe if they got Little Debbies and kool-aide they'd play better. At least they'd be happier at the end of the game. That group isn't home yet, so I'm sure I'll have plenty of "Stories of the Left-Handed Lefter" tomorrow.
Sleep well and only the sweetest of dreams! Hugs and kisses to you all!
Mum :-*
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There is no getting him out of it. My son is being tried as an adult. It's just a matter of how much time he is going to get.
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I know that is heart wrenching for you. No matter how big they get they are still your baby.
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As far as kids go.....I guess I have an easier time detaching from what my daughter does when she gets herself in trouble. I just know there's nothing I could have done or could do to undo it. But, I have an easier time detaching from a lot of things (people, etc). I don't know why. Age and experience I suppose. When my daughter stole my car and blew out the engine, I went to the juvenile facility when she went in front of the judge. She was brought in in shackles. It tore my heart out. But, I had to let her learn, just as I had to. Otherwise, how does one grow.
Mum, I'm hoping to volunteer somewhere this summer. There's a small homeless shelter I would like to get into. Their volunteer orientation is May 5th, and if I'm feeling up to it, I'll go. Yes, I know I'm closer to being finished and I'm happy about that. You sound like you sure have your hands full with all the kids' activities. You're an angel.
Next weekend my oldest sister and I are going to be having a sale of the stuff that's left over in my parents' house. That should be interesting. That'll be the last time I'll see the house I grew up in.
I hope you ladies are having a good evening. And I hope all who have been absent for awhile are doing alright.
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Queen-
That must be so heartbreaking for you, I am so sorry to hear that especially with everything else you are going through right now. I am glad to hear you will be concentrating on yourself. Have you decided to take your meds?
Betty- That must be so nice to have the summer off, you must be very happy and proud of yourself. What's this about boiled ginger? Do you drink it like tea?
Mum- Your kiddo sounds like a hot ticket. I am glad you got a haircut that you love, I always feel so much better after a cut.
Win- I can't remember where it was or what you said but, as usual, you made me laugh, so Thanks ;D
Ten- That must be so frustrating not to have the results yet!! I can't stand watching and listening to the politicians in the U.S. so I am sure that must drive you batty.
Drag- I hope your mood improves soon, I have been feeling blah lately too, I am not really sure why? Too much going on, who knows.
I am totally drawing a blank right now, can't remember word I was going to say. I have not been able to concentrate lately.
I feel so bad ,but I had to do it. I gave away one of our ankle biters today. My oldest son took it the hardest, but since I am the only one that makes sure they get attention, fed and taken outside, I can't handle all 3 anymore. I told him she will come and visit and the people will take good care of her and that she will be happy, I just hated to do it.
I will ask my doc about my counts, I don't really care at this point, he told me I was doing good, I should be exercising everyday and at this point, I don't think I would have retained the information anyway. As I was typing I just realized there is so much of my life that I don't remember...I blocked out a lot of time when i was in the abusive relationship, after the trip lets were born, I survived on maybe 4 or 5 hrs of sleep and not all together, so I was like a zombie, can't remember much from then either BUT I know it really sucks, I hate not being able to remember shit.
Netta- How are you doing?
Keeping-I am so excited for you, 2 more weeks, I can't wait to see pics, you are and will be beautiful!!
Much love to everyone else!
Veritee- I hope you are feeling better!
Take care,
Snow
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Good googly moogly!!!!!I forgot Wish......hey girl! I love your new avatar, that is a trip ;D LOL
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Hello Ladies. Just got home from work. Damn Queen, you need a break. I am so sorry about your son. Seems likeeverything is happening at once for you. Research sounds like a good idea, I always feel better if I have more information . Let us know how the appointments turn out. Going to bed. good night but tired. I will respond to everyone else tomorrow. Cristy
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Hello Ladies. Just got home from work. Damn Queen, you need a break. I am so sorry about your son. Seems likeeverything is happening at once for you. Research sounds like a good idea, I always feel better if I have more information . Let us know how the appointments turn out. Going to bed. good night but tired. I will respond to everyone else tomorrow. Cristy
I agree with you, I am in need of a break and think I have had more than my share of shit for 2008 and it's only April.
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Hi everyone, just about to leave 4 work
Queen, I was so happy to see you in a fighting proactive spirit and then your next post just had me stunned. Oh my God. I don't know what to say. It's a miracle that nothing happened, the no one got shot.
I didn't go to jail, don't have a criminal record but I put my parents thru hell and they had to let me go, I was out of their house aged 15, just dropping in & out like your son. It could have easily ended in jail for me, but thinking back I really don't see how anythin they would've done would stop me until I learned things the hard way. I'm just writing this to tell you that even though we come from totally different places and backgrounds, when someone is bent on self destruction no matter the means there is not much anyone can do until they come around. You did everything you could for him I am sure of it. Now it's all him.
After this it's really hard for me to write about something else right now, hugs to all you wonderful ladies out there.
((((Michelle))))
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hi everyone
just wanted to findo out how everyone is doing , I just came back from a test that I failled with flying colours if there is such a thing. I just dont know what to do, this is what was standing between me graduating this year and versity and right now i just feel like raising my voice as high as I can and cry as hard as I can. i feel this much pain that I cannot discibe, I just though I should let it out maybe it will make me feel beter. I never had such a problem ever since I have been here, I just blacked out in the test room as if I never touched my book even for a second.
love Zazi
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Good morning ladies. Queen, you are on my mind. I hope you are okay. Minismum, I love reading about your family. I think the t-ballers would benefit from Little Debbies before and after. My oldest used to play tball,I actually made it to some of the games, and we are thinking of getting Robert involved in something like that. Betty, good luck on working at the shelter. You will be good with the people, a blend of empathy and no-nonsense. Make some time for you to have fun , too. I need to go to Goodwill and find some summer dresses. There is a nice one in Greensboro. Dragonette, hope you have a good day at work. Snow, sorry you had to give away your doggie. Less work, though. I prefer cats. You can feed them and they basically take care of them selves. Still, it's hard to give away any pet. Not much going on. Got Robert off to school and have been playing on the computer since. Time to getup and get to it. Moonlight, Camms, Wendy, anybody else I forgot, have a great day. Cristy
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Morning ladies,
Snow, sorry about the dog, but you made the right decision. My daughter always wanted this and that. When I would give in, whether it was her bird, guinea pig, or whatever, I would care for it. I think that's just the way it goes with kids-they want a pet, but don't want to take care of it, or probably even have a clue how to take care of it. I'm like Cristy, I prefer cats. If I had a place with a yard, though, I've always wanted a boxer. Maybe someday.
Drag, I was the same way when I was a teen-ager. I got in trouble with cops a few times, but never went to jail. But there was nothing my parents could have done to control me, short of locking me up somewhere. Mostly when I got pulled over or whatever, the cops would let me go in return for something sexual; no matter how fucked up I was. They were some dirty pigs.
Zazi, I'm sorry about that test. I'm not sure what you mean between that being between you graduating and versity? I'm not understanding exactly what versity is-university you mean? Can you re-take the test? Again, I'm very sorry. Don't give up.
Cristy, I'm sure Robert would love t-ball, if you can tear him away from his truck. ;)
Queen, I'm thinking of you this morning. Do you know when your son will be going to court?
I'm thinking of going to an NA meeting tonight. I haven't been to one in awhile. I'm not in a bad place or anything; I go through phases where I'll like go to 3-4 in a couple weeks, then it'll be month before I go. I'm always in touch with people in the program. If I ever felt "itchy" I could go over to my bff's house anytime and hang out/stay until I felt better. My best friend's just like that. Even though she's a successful therapist, she's never forgotten what it's like to be down and out.
Nothing else going on today. I'm not going to stay in my jammee's again though, like I did yesterday. Actually I have to go to one of those payday loan places. I hate to do that, but always near the end of the month, after paying my co-pays on my meds, getting food, gas etc. I find myself broke. I think it's a cycle I got myself stuck into. I hope you ladies have a good morning.
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Queen, I've had similar problems with my son of late and as much as it hurts my heart I have determined to give it up to God/dess as you referred to. Worrying and continually thinking on it kept me in a stressed out state that was making me physically ill. I'm praying that the spots on your scans are just that - spots that represent nothing more than a shadow.
It seems that you have a great support group in here and I would like to participate. I was diagnosed in July 2008. At my appointment on 4/23 my cd4 was 712 and vl 24,800. From the very beginning I have fought a very serious battle with fatigue. My ID doc decided to start me on meds to see if knocking down the viral load would reduce the fatigue. I've taken two doses now and the only side effect seems to be a little bloated, uneasy feeling in my stomach. Not quite nausea. So I count myself fortunate. I have labs in two weeks and go back for a visit in a month to see if there is any change in the fatigue.
Each of you are a great source of encouragement. I've read back through many of your posts and they give me much hope. Have a wonderful day!
Renee
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Well here is the article from the paper about my son:
Teen charged in westside shooting
Police arrested an Erie teen on charges he attempted to kill a person living in a westside house Thursday afternoon.
Erie police said 17-year-old Marquis Barnes fired at least four rounds from a handgun into a brick duplex in the 300 block of West 18th Street. The shooting was reported about 2:45 p.m. Thursday.
Police charged Barnes as an adult with criminal attempt at homicide, aggravated assault, possessing an instrument of crime, unlawful weapons possession and seven counts of reckless endangerment.
He is pretty much done and his bond is set at 100,000. Nothing I can do but try to put money on his books. I am dealing with severe stomach cramps today, I think it is from me starting back on my meds. I woke up with cramps around 7 am that could be compared to labor pains.
I'll check back in...talking to my sister on the phone... :-\
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Hey ladies.i was gonna start another thread but ill just yap about it here...
I got my lab results today...and contrary to my own belief, my lucky ass is still U/D and even after being sick all that time my cd4's are 1,100..i couldnt believe it...the only down fall was i may have lipoatrophy in my shins...lol of all damn places..couldnt i have had it a lil in my thighs or waist?????...Well my shins were always small compared to my turkey thighs but u can kinda feel the bone when u touch them so he is gonna check out my lipids..i have to fast for that..he also told me to stay off the meds (which i prolly wont) but we will see..my fake ass adherance has worked so far...lol ...Hows everyones day so far?
Queen u stay in my thoughts chic..i hope u arent stressin too bad...((((QUeen)))))...SOn son is gonna be son son..u have to focus on you at least right now for sure... Wait i just read the article..i didnt know all tht..damn Boy!..Im praying for u mamacita...
Betty : u sound like one of my gfs..she keep gettin them loans and they eat her money up and she doesnt make any as it is..they are dangerous..i did them 2 x....no more...unless its a dire emergency...
SNow: I wish i could have a dog at my place..i think i may try and talk my landlord into it...we cool like that..i think..lol...I really cant stand cats tho..i like kittens but when thye get grown...just like a teenage girl..they gotta go...Too much attitude fo rmy taste...but kittens are just adoreable....I want a rock/mix st. bernard like i had when i was akid..that was the cutest lil puppy until my sister let it get run over...Her name was perky..and i named her..
Fraid: hope u stick around..glad u werent totally discouraged from chillin with us.. :)
Cjc:..i just signed my son up for football...i have to sell raffle tickets as his fund raiser..ill lprob buy them all..lol..nah i sold a few but ill most likely buy what i dont sell...
Drag: whats up Dragonette?..how are u dealing with the job situation n stuff?...i hope ur not worried too much...
Nothin much goin on today..im glad its friday and am ready for the weekend!..im down 10 lbs..yippee...
Oh yeah shouts out to all my peeps...hope you have a wonderful weekend!!!
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the only down fall was i may have lipoatrophy in my shins...lol of all damn places..couldnt i had it a lil in my thighs or waist?????...Well my shins were always small compared to my turkey thighs but u can kinda feel the bone when u touch them so he is gonn check out my lipids
I've always had boney shins and meaty thighs.
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Wini: yeah hopefully its nothing serious..and prolly wouldve never complained about it if i werent poz... :-\
and since its not in any other place..im kinda thinkin its nothin..but we shall see..ive been on th emeds almost 5 years now..so ...
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Only bad thing about having boney shins is running into stuff hurts more and jogging hurts my shins.
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That is very true..and i can remember that happening as far back as to me being a kid...i used to stay with a bruise on my shin bone...
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I've always had chicken legs...hope meds don't make it worse - YIKES!!!!
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Afternoon ladies,
Queen, wow. I am so, so sorry. Hopefully he'll be able to cop to a plea. Does he have a criminal record? You hang in there girl and please take care of yourself. We're here.
Wish-lipoatrophy in the tummy ain't happening. When people get lipodystrophy in the tummy, it (at least in my case) makes them look a tad pregnant. You can get lipoatrophy in your thighs, but it's not as glorious as you may think, trust. Yeah, I know those payday places eat up money, but when at the end of the month, I'm broke and need food and have to make the co-pays on my meds (or they won't send anymore) what can I do. I don't make any income outside of SSDI. Hopefully I'll be able to stop it someday.
Nothing happening here. I went to the store and that's about it. I'll be back later.
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I have been getting calls a few times from my son already. He is wanting out but knows he has to sit for about a month to see if the bond will get lowered. If it does, I don't think it will be by much. My son has a friend that would like to put up the money to get him out but he knows how my son is and thinks he will lose his money. And I won't lie, he probably would. His friend talked to his lawyer and the lawyer wants 17,500 just to take the case. And so more than likely a PD will get it. I guess my son is seeing it isn't glamorous after all but a little too late. I called the probation officer and the child support office. They won't stop the child support til they get a letter from me in writing.
I started back my meds last night after going about a week off of them and my ID doc wanted me to start back. Now I am having extreme stomach cramps, his nurse wants me to go to the emergency room. I may go but for now I am trying to hold off. I will take my meds again tonight and if it gets any worse then I'll go to the ER tomorrow.
I am trying to stay calm about everything but it is hard. I feel like I am going to lose it.
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Queen - I wish there were words that would comfort you. Having to wait for news is the worst kind of torture and I am sure it is playing a part in your stomach distress. Do you have a local friend that can sit with you a while? If you really feel you are going to lose it, the hospital may be the best place. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Oh Queen-
You've been going through so much lately, I'm am so sorry. The number one thing is you and taking care of you. If you feel like its too much than go to the hospital....pain wise....and if you go into full panic then you should also go to the hospital...do you have insurance?
Another thing Queen, about 3 years ago I had an mri on my brain pre dx. I was away at a conference in NY completely alone when my husband told me the doctor said he found lesions covering the brain. I flipped...My whole family were out of the country and my husband was wasted when he told me.....it was awful. When I got back to NJ I had a spinal tap. It turned out to be clear and it was an anomaly. So try to stay focused until then.
Thanks Betty-
My life has been so up and down that if I wrote half the stuff down you might think I was crazy. I'm sorry about your knees that's awful. No wonder you couldn't dance months back. Isn't there some kind of physical therapy you can do....sorry if you mentioned that i just spend 10 hours a day in front of a pc so catching up here is sometimes a skimming through the forum.
Win- are those shin splints your talking about.
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Oh dear Queen, please don't not go to the hospital if you need to. I don't want anything to happen to you girl. If the cramps are still there, maybe you should go. With everything that's going on, these cramps might not be anything to mess around with. And you have a laptop, right? So if you do go, take that with you so that, when you can of course, you can let us know what's going on. You know people will be concerned.
Camms, good to see you here. You know you can tell us anything and we won't think you're crazy. We're here for ya.
I'm going to watch a movie when I'm done here. Just another night.....
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Betty-
If I ran through borders and said look at me I'm invisible......you might think I'm crazy......(you might rabbit you might)
Rachel
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Win- are those shin splints your talking about.
Heck I dont know
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Oh dear Queen, please don't not go to the hospital if you need to. I don't want anything to happen to you girl. If the cramps are still there, maybe you should go. With everything that's going on, these cramps might not be anything to mess around with. And you have a laptop, right? So if you do go, take that with you so that, when you can of course, you can let us know what's going on. You know people will be concerned.
Camms, good to see you here. You know you can tell us anything and we won't think you're crazy. We're here for ya.
I'm going to watch a movie when I'm done here. Just another night.....
The cramps are still there but not as bad. My ID doc wants me to keep taking my med so I'll take them tonight. If I wake up again with cramps like I did today then I will go to the hospital, in fact call the ambulance because there is no way I would walk. And yes, Camm, I have insurance.
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Queen: I guess since we haven't heard from you, that you are doing OK and feeling better this morning. Please let us know.
Guess what I got in the mail yesterday. A BILL! That's right, ladies, a bill from Quick Care for $131!! As soon as I checked in, I had to pay them $60. The only way I would get a bill for more is if I had x-rays, blood work, ect. So, I wasn't expecting a bill since the doctor did squat except write me a prescription (that cost me $100 to fill!). So, what was the reason for the upcharge? It was a "level 4" - meaning, I was there too long. Too long! Forget the fact that I was there "too long" waiting for the stupid doctor to come in. Forget the fact that I was there "too long" wihile I waited for the nurse to bring me a cup so I could have some water. Forget the fact that I was there "too long" because the doctor had to go back out and find her prescription pad and took forever coming back in. I wasnt' aware that Quick Care charged RENT. Needless to say, I'm totally ticked off. I'll have to call them Monday and arrange for payments. $131 may not seem like a lot of money, but it is to us, especially at the end of any month, but this month we were hit hard by a $700 car repair bill. Now you know why I HATE going to the doctor.
I hope the rest of you are having a much better day than I am. I'm trying not to let this ruin my weekend, but I'm plain ticked off. The kids are having an Earth Day party at church this morning from 10am - noon. They'll be learning how and why to recycle (although there are no recycling stations here), and planting flowers to bring to our shut-ins (members who are too old or sick to come to church). After that, we're back at the ballfield for #2's game, then Mini and I will be leaving early and going to a birthday party. It's the 1st time she's been invited to a party without her siblings.
Love to you all!
Mum
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Good morning ladies,
Queen, I'm wondering how you're doing this morning. If you're still having the cramps, please get it checked out. Like I said before, we don't want anything to happen to you.
Camms, if you ran through Borders saying you are invisible, I think I would find that more amusing than disturbing. But, that's just me.
I watched the movie "Before the Devil Knows You're Dead" last night. It was excellent. I did fall asleep a couple times, but only briefly. Last night my sugar crashed way low-34. So I went on a sugar-binge for a little bit.
Today is Salvation Army's dollar day. My bff and I are going to that. Probably also to a meeting. I was going to go last night, but that fell by the wayside. When I first get up in the morning, I always say I'm going to do this or that in the evening; then when the evening comes, I'm too tired. Ah, to be 10 years younger.
It got really chilly here. This morning it's only 45 degrees outside. They say Monday we might have a little snow. Damn! It was just 78 yesterday. I suppose this is typical April weather though.
At the end of May, over Memorial Day weekend, I'm going to an NA convention. It's actually at a place called Camp Mack. There is, however, indoor sleeping, showers etc. But it is more out-doorsey than the usual conventions, which are in hotels. I'm looking forward to it. I don't expect anything earth-shattering to happen, but one never knows. I didn't expect it either at the last convention I went to, and I got laid by that handsome Native American fellow. Of course, if anything like that happens at this convention, it will have to be tons more discreet, as I'm sharing a room with about 4 or 5 other ladies. I used to be a regular attendee at this particular convention. It always left me feeling calmer. Hopefully I'll come away from this one feeling the same way.
What is everyone up to this weekend?
Mum, I see you just posted. I agree, $131 is a lot of money when you don't have it (I don't either). But, at least you're able to breathe now. Give 'em hell!
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morning all,
i have the flu, feel awful. hope it wont last long.
Mom, having heard about the surprising "overstay" charge, I think I heard it all about the US healthcare system. as long as you have cold blooded, greed addled companies run it, it wont change. shame on them. they are no different than criminals. give healthcare to the mafia, might be run better.
Queen, thinking of you. sending you hugs & encouragement. i saw what you wrote about the lung, and the biopsies, wanting to be put to sleep and do them at once, sounds like a good idea. i hope you feel better with the crams. sending hugs & good vibes your way
I spoke to the BF about your son. Not to take him off the hook or anything, we both feel that b/c of different reasons i wont list here, it is extremely easy to slide down from minor "naughty" offences to serious crime in America in particular. I remember when I was exactly that age, I tried to bash someone in the head with a pole. I can't imagine what I would have done if guns were as easily available, I was overrun by hormones (pms) and high on speed. I cant imagine my state of mind back them, it was like I was another person. That guy had forced me to have sex with him though, but you know girls are much less outwardly violent than boys. Today we have a violent culture, even here in peaceful, semi socialist Holland boys stab each other and pretend to be gangsters. The more easily weapons are available, the more happens.
everyone else, hugs to you, sorry I dont feel well enough - pyshcially & emotionally- to type much. have a great weekend
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Good Morning Ladies,
Drag- I hope you feel better soon, hopefully you have some time this weekend to just rest and relax and take care of yourself.
Mum- I would flip too not only because I didn't have the money but the reasoning is ridiculous. How can you being in the doctors office for a long time be your fault, they are always making us wait for this and that...it just goes to show you how messed up the economy is. Next thing you know they will tax us for standing in line to buy our groceries. Hope you guys have fun at the ball field today.
Queen- I have been thinking of you too. How are the cramps? I am glad to hear you are starting your meds again. Do you have someone to go with you to the two appointments, someone that you trust, to give you support and help you to get all the information you need? I have a yahoo pm thing, if you ever want or need to chat, its eljojawi71.
Betty- I wish we had dollar day at the Goodwill here, supposedly they are going to open up a store in the adjoining town that is always a dollar for everything but it will probably be all the crap that doesn't sell. I don't even go to the Salvation Army, thier prices are too high :) The camp you are talking about sounds like my cup of tea, I love shit like that, hopefully you will bunk with some great women.
I will finish this later the SO need some help. Hope everyone has a good day!
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Drag-last weekend Chicago had 36 shootings (in one weekend).
Snow- the Salvation Army is having the dollar day. Goodwill is having 50% off day. Here, the Salvation Army is much, much cheaper than the Goodwill. They're more expensive than what they used to be, but still a nice alternative to any other store where clothing is sold (unless it's a second hand store).
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I'm in a pissy mood right now. The mother of my grand daughter called me and asked me if I could go buy her some cigarettes because my step son forgot to leave her some for the day. WTF ?
And of course me being a freakin softy I'm going to do it. I'm just making her ass wait till I'm ready to do it.
I'm not going to do it again though. Screw that. Not having cigarettes is not an emergency in my book.
Also still pissy about crap I read in the LTS forum. But I'll get over that pretty quick. Its not like I know the person.
I hate feeling this way. I'm normally such a happy go lucky girl then people gotta step in and fuck up my joy, joy morning.
I'm sure I'll be miss happy pants again by this evening baring no one else decides to screw with my day. LOL
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Afternoon Ladies----
I am feeling better across the board. Not stressing about my son or the specialist. I'll wait and see what he says when I see him. The cramps are about gone, I am thinking maybe last effects from the barium smoothie I drank for the cat scan and the Atripla. Ususally because of the Atripla I have a bm every morning but never cramps when I do. I know TMI.
I'll write more later, I got company....
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great to hear you feel better Queen.
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I'm so glad to hear your feeling better.
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Queen, thank goodness you're feeling better. I'm relieved.
Wendy, I can understand you're being upset. No, that would not be an emergency. But, I've also been out of cigarettes and have felt like I was going to die if I didn't get some. I have a hard time sometimes telling someone "no." I wonder why that is.
Well, my friend I went to Salvation Army with had to work until 2:00, so we didn't get there until hours after the sale started. Alot of the clothes were picked over. But, I did find one top and a pair of jogging pants. I didn't find anything at Goodwill. Then, we went to a Mexican restaurant called Mazatlan. OMG. I feel like I weigh 50 more lbs than I did this morning. And I only ate 1/2 of what I ordered. I think it's because I've been drinking soda all day. Sometimes that tends to make me feel bloated. So, I'm going to go lay down in a minute. I hope you ladies are having a good Saturday.
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Hello Ladies! :) I have tried to read through the posts quickly. Queen, I am sorry that you have to go through all this. I hope the specialist is able to tell you a little more.
I have been busy with school. Not much is going on. This is the most hetic time of year. We are nearing the end and we have state testing, open house, end of year plans, etc. I wish I had more to contribute but my life just isn't that exciting. I went the the Book Festival today. I have never been so it was an experience. They have it at UCLA. Basically it is a bunch of publishers, authors, seminars, and food booths. It is in the 90's here so it was very HOT and there was a lot of walking. I came home and took a nap. Tonight I am supposed to go to dinner with my mother and her fiance who is in town. Not happy about it but I guess I need to suck it up. :) That's all for now...
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Queen, I'm glad that you are feeling better. And, Win I'm sorry someone rained on your parade. I hope you're feeling better.
#2's baseball game was AWESOME!!! He actually hit the ball - 1st time he's ever done it - and then he made it to first base! They already had 2 outs and we were nervous that he'd be the 3rd. Then, after 2 more batters, he slid into home plate to make the 1st point the team has EVER made! YEAH!!!! The next time up, he struck out, but that's ok because he HIT the ball!! We were all jumping up and down and screaming. They still lost 5 to 12, but that's OK because MY boy hit the ball and made the team's 1st point of the season!! I am one proud mum ;D
The birthday party was nice and Mini had a really good time. The mum made a sugar-free cake for Mini and we got to bring the rest home. She ran and played and played and ran and talked everyone's ears off. We just got home and #4 (middle daughter) lost another tooth. Guess we need to go find a dollar. Think she'll notice if we take the dollar out of her piggy bank from the last tooth and give it back to her tonight? LOL..no, I'm serious. Really.
Hope you all are having a really great Saturday and that it spills over into the rest of the week. Love you all mucho bunches!
Mum
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I had a little cry this afternoon. Its not just one thing in particular its one of those cumulative things. I went through my day doing all the things I have to do, work ect.
I made dinner. I just finished eating. I feel a little better. I'm not sad anymore or angry or anything I just have the lingering anxiety.
My youngest son passed away this week 14 years ago. I needed a little cry to get rid of some of the grief.
I'll be fine. I just had one of those days where everything you try to ignore builds up on you until you cant ignore it anymore.
Thanks for listening.
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Win, sweetie, crying is the cheapest therapy. I'm glad you let it out and are feeling better. Here's to a magnificant upswing.
Love you, hun!
Mum
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Mum, I'm proud of your son also! And money is always better when it is re-gifted. ;)
Wendy, sorry about your pain. I hope you're feeling better.
Edited to add: Do you realize this thread has been read over 1,000 times? People must really think we ladies are exciting or something.
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Hi to you all
Should not be posting on here as been out to a party to say goodbye to two of my closest friends - so I have had a few drinks tonight.
Sorry - but I have known them over 23 years - seen their kids grow up and them mine born and grown up - and they have always been there for me and now - next Wednesday - they are flying off and leaving Cornwall and the UK probably for good.....
It was a lovely evening and a very, very sad evening, As I need them now I have HIV more than I ever did . But happy for them that they have a new life
My friends are leaving Cornwall to live in Greece - as they bought a property there
I did a very basic web site for them, not advertising at all as I doubt any of you in the US etc wil ever be able or want to go to their apartments in Greece - - so posting this just to share: http://www.argassiheights.co.uk
Just 'gutted' as we say here - Lesley's oldest is 32 years old and I have had much input with him and and her youngest 22 - known him most of his life and much loved by me --------- and she - Lesley is someone I always relied on and knew was here for me!!!!!! She is someone who has always been there for many people and many who feel the same as I were at the partly tonight - she has been there for a lot of us.
Lesley and Stuart always give great parties - so I have just been to a great party - but it does not lessen the sadness of her leaving - but I know it is what she wants to do and what is best for her, and her partner Stuart
Sorry that I am being so selfish and just posting about my stuff..........Queen .......glad you are feeling a bit better ............everyone ...........I love you all lots already ..... and have read all what you written but as I said, been to a leaving party and had too much to drink so will not reply now
Just thank you all for being there when I needed you - so bye for now.
Goodnight from England UK - it is 2.10 am here,,,,,,,,,very sad.................know you have your own stuff and I should not be posting but she/Lesley has been my friend for over 20 years and she is now going away ..........
I will be more sensible in the morning - but wanted to let my new 'online' friends know
Sleep tight
Veritee XXX
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Mum , Wendy, Betty, everyone - yes school definitely out!!!
Cried lots tonight - for my friend and for me too - maybe it is therapy - I so hope so
Crying is good therapy perhaps but crying alone as I am just makes me feel worse - my daughter walked out on me today, she is only 18 ( my poor daughter being only 18 and having me for a parent!!!)
Why should she care I did not care about my parents at 18 and my parents did not deal her HIV - she wants me top look after her - but I can not look after a paper bag right now
She hates me - even before the HIV - in fact for her the HIV is not really a factor - she just hates me for all the mistakes and all the times I did not come through for her before now...................but now I have HIV .....its the pits.
But she does not hate her dad, my husband , her father, at all for leaving her with me to work at sea and than acquiring HIV by having sex briefly with some woman in Brazil that means nothing to him and never will - yet she loves him and hates me
but having HIV makes me care -
I want her to love me - I love her so much , but she always has seen me as cr** and HIV is just the icing on the cake for my lovely daughter that I have stuggled to give everything I possible can and bring up as well as I possibly can - when he was at sea most for this time, I did do my best
I alway knew my best was never good enough
- but what I have done now to my lovely daughter? HIV beats anything even she would have expected me to bring to her life , especially at my age and in my circumstances - yes he brought it to me and me to her - but she seems only to hate me !!!
but suppose crying it helps me care for me
You all seem to be coping so well -it puts me to shame how wel you all cope with so much more than I
but HIV at 55 years old and a life that has never been a great 'bunch of roses' - HIV now is a disaster for me
I suppose it is never the 'right ' time for anyone to have HIV !!!
.......
sorry to be so selfish and so self indulgent and self centered - but HIV was the last thing on earth I ever expected.......why should I ...??????????????????????????????????????????????????never had sex with anyone but my husband for our entire 21 year marriage...............he got this HIV - wish I had had sex with someone else now !!
At least I might have had some fun aquiring that HIV....
yet my 18 year old daughter loves him .......but she things I am c**P
Never thought that it was on the cards I would EVER have HIV!!
............accident possible? ..............as I had a big one that nearly killed me in 2003 and left me disabled for life
.......breast cancer - yes - very possible...... I have lost 3 friends to this
.....cervical cancer...........maybe..........................
! heart attack ( hey my friend that I house in a caravan ( trailer) in my smallholding is younger than me, 53, and had a heart attack) so maybe despite my fitness I could have had a bad heart at my age as my friend does
But HIV
F***ing no !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#Absolutely CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but I do have HIV
Can not accept - deal with this tonight
delete this is you want
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V----
Take a deep breath. Now I may be a little blunt with what I may say, please do not take it personal. It's just how I am. I understand you being upset about how your daughter feels about you but you know what? 2 tears in a bucket, motherfuck it. Not sure if you understand what that means but I will try to break it down for you.
I know you love your daughter, no doubt, but her treating you like shit in your own home is not right and very disrespectful. I know you feel bad but if it was me, I'd be a bit pissed off. Now I am going strictly by what you have shared with us. If she can't treat you with respect then let the doorknob hit her where the good Lord split her. And I am also wondering why your husband isn't putting her in check about it either. If she loves him so much as you say she does then it would seem she would at least listen to him. And please do not say, he is too ill to say anything because I recall he was well enough to try to put a guilt trip on you so he should've put your daughter in check in my book. And you need to stop making excuses for both of them. They are quite aware of what they are doing and how it is affecting you. In other words, you are letting them get to you. Stop putting up with their shit and try dishing out a little of your own even if you have to snap on their asses. It will make you feel better and will cause them to back up off of you.
I hope you will feel better soon. You need me over there, girl..... :D
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Veritee, I can't say it any better than Queen, so I won't even try. I'll just second her emotion. I will also add that maybe getting some counsoling would help you sort our all the emotions and give you some techniques for coping with your co-dependent / toxic relationships. I do wish you peace, hun.
Good sweet Sunday morning to you all! It's a wee bit chilly and way too cloudy here in the mountain state. It's supposed to rain, but there is sunshine in my heart ;D. I hope all of you make the most out of today, because tomorrow is Monday (boo!) and the daily grind begins again. Everyone is sound asleep so my cherry mood is due to end any minute. :P
Love, hugs, moochies, and whatever else you need is going out to each of you in droves straight from my heart.
Mum :-*
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Morning ladies,
Damn, I hate this slow-down this site has at 8:20. I wish they would've made it to where it would happen at like 4:00 a.m. or something.
Veritee, sooner or later we have to let our kids go, to let them do whatever they want to do without feeling responsible for them anymore. Your daughter has done this before. I doubt, her being the age she is, she's going to dramatically change anytime soon. I'm not trying to be mean, that's just the way kids her age are. My daughter is now 23 and we have a good relationship, but when she was around that age (she started much younger, actually), she used to do those same things. So, I just got to the point where I let her do what she wanted. I did not, however, let her dog me out in my own home. Nor should you. If your daughter is going to constantly be disrespectful, then let her go. You don't "owe" her anything. You've raised her. It's not your fault you have HIV. She probably is angry that both her parents have HIV, but there's nothing you can do to change that. If she doesn't want to get help to deal with what she's feeling, then there's no use trying to "fix" it. Let her go and get on with your life. She'll eventually come around. Just don't let her tirade you. You deserve better than that.
Mum, happy Sunday morning to you also. What did you do about your daughter's tooth?
I finished a book I was reading (Letter to a Christian Nation), so today I'm going to go to the library and get another book. Other than that, I got nothin'. I hope you ladies are having good mornings, or whatever time it is where you're at. I'll be back later.
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Hi GFs~
Sorry I haven't been around, I have been dealing with my own shit but have missed being here with you.
Queen, glad to hear you feel better. I am pulling for you, I just can't imagine...
BT, perhaps you could call the knee doc and ask that he at least help you get new velcro straps for the knee brace if he won't agree to let you have the operation. That should put things in perspective for him, and I bet there is a simple solution to getting those straps replaced. Perhaps try a medical supply store?
Veritee, I agree with Queen and some others here. Even though you love your daughter, she will continue to step all over you. "We teach people how to treat us." Its time to put your foot down and have the emotional pain of doing that happen all at once (get it over with), rather than having this crap eat away at you day after day. Let your emotions and anger make you stronger!
Drag, hope you got my email. :)
Mum, you always make me smile, reading about you and the kids. Glad to hear about the new DO, too!
Win, I had a weepy day yesterday as well. I'm so sorry about all of those old feelings you were dealing with. They never truly go away. Yesterday was a year since I put my dog down, nowhere near the same as what you went through, but it still tugs at me pretty deeply. I see Cheech getting up there in years as well.
I just keep thinking about all of the losses in my life and wonder if it will get any easier. Cheech is only a dog, but this house had four of us at one time, soon it will be down to one. Its like the original club will be no more and it will just be me. I am hoping that Iceman will stick around and give me the support I need, but I am so damn sentimental.
*sigh*
~ Cindy
**I JUST CHECKED MY BANK ACCOUNT AND MY $600 TO "STIMULATE THE ECONOMY WITH" HAS ARRIVED! OMG, I CAN GET MY ROOF FIXED!*
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Win- Let it out! You are a strong women and deserve a good cry.
Veritee- I totally agree with Queen and I said basically the same thing in another post, your daughter is being totally selfish right now but still she has no right to disrespect you in your own home. You should really ask your husband to step up to the plate for you.
Mum- Congrats! on your sons first point and hit. That must have been very exciting.
I got a phone call last night from my sons fathers phone(I'll call him sb for shitbag), I didn't answer it, I just handed the phone to my son. It turned out to sb's daughter, sb is in jail. Halle-FUCKING-lu-yah!!! He is separated from his wife who has gotten a restraining order on him. He had broken in to her house and stole some stuff, got caught, she went away on vacation, he broke in again, stole some stuff and sold it, violated the restraining order. I am not sure how old his wife's youngest son is but the daughter told me that he had him by the neck and threw him against a wall. Sounds like the anger management classes didn't work after all. His daughter was telling me all this stuff last night that shows that the man has not changed at all, I hope to God that he gets some time and my son doesn't have to see him anymore. Hopefully, the judge will see the Webster Dictionary size criminal record he has and do something about it. He is out hustling drugs again, talking to all kinds of women doing who knows what with them. He might even be on drugs now who knows? I hope his wife is strong enough to go through with the charges, if he touched my son like that he would dead and I would be in jail. This man has ruined so many lives and has the potential to ruin so many more, it makes me ill. And not with just HIV, the violence. I feel sorry for my son, I have tried my hardest not to talk badly about his father but when he comes to me wondering why his father does this and why does he do that, what can I say? I guess at this point it doesn't really matter what is said because his fathers actions speak louder than any words could. I will be so relieved if I don't have to deal with this asshole anymore, I can't even tell you.....and best of all, my son will be able to join a sport, and go to his games. YeeHAH!!! Thanks for listening! I apologize if I seem callous but this man if you can call him that, is a vicious, selfish,cruel manipulator and deserves to as much time as possible.
Happy Sunday to everyone!
Snow
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Cin, good to see you post. I can't believe your payment is in there already. Wow, I hope mine comes through. I have this sense of impending doom. Just me, I guess.
Snow, I hope your ex does the maximum time. What a jerk.
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Hey Ladies----
Of course, when I saw Cindy's stimulus was there, I had to go check mine...Nada. Cin, you must be one of the first ones to get it...What your last two number are 06 or something,huh? And I noticed you still have your pic running in Poz Personals. Better take that down before someone sees it. I was wondering how you have been. Try to get over the little funk, I think losing things or people is a part of life, you know the circle of life type of thing. Maybe you should get another pet so there won't just be you. I am sure Cheech would like a playmate.
Snow---It never takes long for those who claimed to have changed to show their real colors. Sorry for the SB's wife and her son. Maybe she should buy a safe and put her things in there unless you are speaking of things bigger than a safe would hold. Trust, your son is seeing how his father is and drawing his own conclusions. Kids are smart as you know, you don't need to say a word.
V--Once again, I wanted to express that I was not trying to come down hard on your for what you are feeling. But I can't help but call it like I see it. I just want you to put your foot down and stand up for yourself. And it really does anger me when I see people do the things that your daughter and husband are doing to you. Speak up and be heard, V, it's your home too and you shouldn't have to feel like you do. You should be comfortable in your own home. Maybe this is why you are drinking so much. How are you doing with that? I agree with Snow, I think it was who said, you should get some professional help. I will be thinking and praying for you.
Nothing planned for today really. I will start on my hair again later. Right now I am watching To Wong Foo.....You know Wesley Snipes, Patrick Swayze and John Leguizamo as drag queens. It's one of my fave movies. It's on the movie channels, it was on yesterday,I watched it and now am watching it again. Did I mention I have the dvd too....I wish they would've made a part 2 to it but now Wesley is in jail, Patrick is battling cancer and John is just being John...Be back later...
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Wish I had direct deposit on mine. My SS# ends in 01.
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My stimulus check hasn't been deposited in my account yet, either. I checked.
Queen, I love that movie (To Wong Foo). How are you feeling today?
I didn't go to the library. I was thinking about cleaning out my freezer and frig. But, might just lay around all day and not do a damn thing. Tomorrow's another day.
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I'd better not be in the damn Personals, I took that crap down in November!
Now, if you're talking about the little thumbnail flashing on the homepage for Poz, yeah, I'm aware of that.
*off to the Personals to make sure I'm not in there cause I have my man*
Just checked, surprised I chose the right password. It says my membership was cancelled, so Queen, you must be referring to the little thumbnail you see on the homepages. Thanks though.
:D
More later, I am run down. In a nutshell, I have been suffering from DEHYDRATION which has been causing my vertigo. It makes perfect sense.
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Betty-- I am feeling better for the moment and taking things as they come. At the moment I am taking a break from doing my hair. I think I got it right this time, at least it seems that way so far.
Cindy--Yep, I was referring to the little thumb nail pic. Now what are your last two numbers of your SS so I can make an accurate guess of when mine is coming...
Wini---My roomie's SS begins with 01 too but she couldn't get the stimulus cause she gets SSI.
I agree Betty, tomorrow is another day and I feel lazy as hell too. I'll check back later or during another break.
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Hello ladies,
I haven't been online in a while. Recently, I had death in my family. I had surgery too. Basically, there's been a lot stuff going on here. I hope all you ladies are in good health. :)
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Sorry to hear that Cheetara. Hope you are doing ok.
I just got in from a party with my social group. I had a good time. It was nice to see a bunch of my local pos friends and I got to meet a few new people too.
I'm going to read a couple more threads then get ready for bed.
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Evening ladies-
Queen, when I went on the IRS website (irs.gov (http://irs.gov)) it said they're supposed to start sending the stimulus payments on 04/28. Obviously though, since Cindy got hers, they must have started a little earlier. My SS number ends in 90, so I won't expect mine for awhile.
Cheetara, so sorry to hear about the death in your family. Please accept my condolences. What kind of surgery did you have?
Wendy, glad you had a good time.
I did a whole lot of nothing today. Tomorrow I'll go to the library and get another book, and take back a couple movies I rented. Other than that, I got nothin'. Have a good evening ladies.
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Hey girls,
I get my test results tomorrow and see if I will be starting meds. I kinda hope I will have to start on meds, I think I will feel better if I do. I have to call in from work to go because my supervisor wouldn't approve the tardy, so if I come in late, I will get half an occurrence, even if I am only 15 minutes late, which is what I will be. If I call in for the whole day, I will get a full occurrence. We get 8 occurrences a year before they fire you for attendance. I just think it's dumb that my boss can't approve me being late 15 minutes, so why get a half occurrence for being just a little bit late. I am going to take the whole day :)
Today, I talked to this guy who I go out with every now and again. We haven't had sex yet, but we do almost everything else. I wanted to tell him because I didn't want to waste any of his time, if he wasn't cool with things. I told him and he was so cool about it. He was more concerned with how I was coping and if I was getting any support. He said he still would like to see me and wasn't scared about it. We'll see if that truly is the case. I hope it is because I like the guy and would like to continue whatever we had. I guess the ball is in his court. If it turns out that that's not the case, and he just didn't want to freak out in front of me, than that's fine too. No more of my time was wasted either.
I hope you all have a good evening :)
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Good Morning Ladies!
Well it's Monday...need I say more? LOL :) Have a good day!
Pink: I am glad disclosing went well for you.... :)
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Good Morning Ladies,
I just thought about something. I will be getting married next Saturday. OMG. I'm not nervous at all.
My SS number ends with 41. I hope to get mine soon.
Cheetara- sorry to hear about your lost and what kind of surgery did you have?
To all the hunnies, Wish, Snow, Netta, CJC, Viv, Betty, Queen and eveyone I forgot to mention ((((((BIG HUGS))))))
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Morning ladies,
Pink, good luck with your appointment. I've been on meds since they first came out. They're soooo much better than what they were. So, if you do have to start meds, be of good cheer and all that. I'm glad things went so well with the disclosure.
Viv, well, how much longer before school is out for you?
Keeping, wow, not much longer before you're a Mrs. Congratulations. Now, is he HIV+ also? I can't remember, sorry.
Well, I got an "A" in the class I just finished last week (Political Psychology). I'm happy about that. I checked my bank account, the rebate isn't there yet. But, my SS ends in 90, so I'm not expecting it this week. Of course, I do keep checking though, just in case. It doesn't hurt to hope does it.
I got nothing exciting (do I ever). I'm going to go to the library and return some DVDs. One of the movies I watched was "Before the Devil Knows You're Dead," which was excellent. The other movie "Juno" I didn't get around to watching. I've been watching some Chicago Cubs baseball games. I'm not a sports nut or anything, but I was kind of raised on the Cubs, and have followed them through the years. I only live about an hour and 1/2 away from Chicago and would love to go to one of their games this summer. The park they play in (Wrigley Field) is a great park; it's the second oldest ballpark (Fenway Park, the one the Red Sox play in is the oldest). I haven't been in years. The last time I was there I got extremely intoxicated. I remember making my brother stop all the way home so I could pee (I have never been able to hold beer). I hope you ladies have a good morning. I'll be back.
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hi everyone
Keeping, that's awsome. can't imagine my day... my ring hasnt even come back from being fitted yet.
I am still weak from the flu but better. my boss keeps dumping projects on me. I called the hospital, came up u/d again so they guess it was just a blip the other week, phew.
Wendy hope you're feeling better. I thought that post in the LTS was insensitive to say the least, but sometimes people are so consumed by anxiety, they dont see the others. I have had that with worried wells even.
Queen really good to hear you better.
Betty congrats on the A.
Pink that's a cool story with the disclosure and your relaxed attitude. I'm so impressed.
Snow OMG, what a creepy man, glad he is behind bars. hope he stays there for a while.
I am just pretty weak and have to work. I had to come in today but think will take day off to recuperate tomorrow. Lucky lucky me to have such a flexible (if temp and as you read, far from reliable) job. I don't even consider myself as PT - i doubt I could hold a PT let alone a FT - food for thought for that LTS/welfare thread, cos I think there's "work" and there's WORK. I can consider myself as employed but knowing the truth, I know in another constellation I might've found myself on welfare way sooner (if it were available to me, which in this country it is not, so probabaly I would've had to leave, and who knows what would have happened).
Speaking of WORK, Viv, Moday blues eh...
Cindy sorry I didnt reply yet, the dehdration story sounds feasible. I have been having pains in my throat for ages. they come and go but can be quite severe. I drink loads too.
Ditto Tendai, sorry I didn't reply but glad you had a nice day off the other day, you sooooo need that.
from Wed we have a holiday but will be working from home, might go with BF on a road trip for 3 days on the weekend if I feel better, cos work doesn't resume till Tue.
Anyone I missed this time, pls excuse, hugs to alll of ya
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Drag- When is your wedding day?
Betty- Yes he is HIV +
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We don't have a date... We are supposed to discuss in Aug and see when, where and how. Originally we wanted Nov 08 in our hometowns, but b/c we have to fly to 2 countries, and my BF just started a PT job and is looking for another, and we are also trying to concieve which if succeeds might not enable me to fly, everything is pretty fluid. But we will just go to the town hall in the town where we live and just do it there if nothing works out by Nov. So there is no date, but a kind of deadline. ;)
I didn't know your man was poz. I am invited to a poz-poz wedding in Aug.
adding: oh yeah, to clarify, I was talking about the engagement ring.
To be honest, I think my BF is still having some doubts about the whole wedding thing. I guess if he didn't, we would be doing it sooner. But he is also very busy but I know it is more than just not finding the time. But I am quite OK with it, strangely. In the past I would be freaking out over not being loved enough, but now I kind of accept it.
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Hi everyone...hope everyone has had a good weekend....
Wanna post but ill wait..im feeling a lil sensitive right now and i dont want to say the wrong things.... :-\
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hey Wishful you don't need to censure yourself here among friends. Though I myself sometime refrain from writing about things that horrify me on the news, when they're on my mind, cos I dont want to upset anybody.
((Wishful))
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Drag, I hope you get to feeling better.
Wish, Drag's right. You don't have to not say something out of fear of saying "the wrong things." Rant away baby.
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Good morning everyone. Hope that you get to feeling better wishful, sometimes a rant is just the thing to do it.
I picked up my grandson Friday night and kept him until Sat night. We had a blast as usual. He is three and reminds me what a wonder the world truly is. When i dropped him off to his mom, I went on to my boyfriend's house. I was totally lazy the rest of the weekend. He is an excellent cook and spoils me rotten. He found me on the personals part of the this site. I had really quit looking because everyone that I was interested in lived too far away. This one is in my backyard. Talk about blessed!!!
I had to get up at 5 this morning to make it to work on time but it was worth it to stay one more night. It takes about an hour and forty five minutes to drive from his house to my work. A move may be on the horizon :)
Hope everyone has a wonderful day.
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Ya, Drag he's pos. I actually got the virus from him. O yea Betty congrats on the A. I got a B+ in my class. I start a new class tomorrow.
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I dont wanna sound like a baby..but i get bummed when i write paragraphs of stuff andreally dont get any feedback...i dunno..i know i dont post to others all the time so i really shouldnt be feeling like that...im just kinda ina funky mood i guess..baby daddy drama has been weighin on me all weekend and i have been cryin n stuff at the drop of a dime...my kids are asking about him..and no matter what i say or do or what anyone says..i still feel hurt about it all and i keep looking back at all the shit he has done to me and cant shake it..Why is it so hard for me to let go..??..im so quick to say fuck it and i cant with him..his sister called me outta the blue and we talked for an hour..n that convo i discovered that the other sister and his mom have been talkin smack about the sitatuation and about me...doubting my daughter is his n things like that..WHY??..besides the fact she is his female twin, he is the one that slept around not me..i know i shouldnt care what people think..but im just tired..i dont think i will rest until he is totally gone from this earth..i always feel like i did something wrong and now my kids dont have a father in their lives...and i know that is not the case but i cant help but to feel that way....i think I am going to get a therapist...up to this point i have always counseled myself..but its been a while and i still "feel" some type of way about this situation..it has to go away sometimes..but when?? I dont want to feel anything when it comes to him..nothing nada zip zilch...I feel so weak. But am always called "so strong". I should be happy that i had good lab results, bcus i REALLY felt something was wrong and i know I am blessed.....im really emotional right now....and my period is sooooooo late..
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Pink- I am so glad the disclosure went well for you. Your supervisor sounds like a jerk, I hate it when people in management don't act human.
Drag- I hope you feel better, that is good you are taking tomorrow to rest.
Betty- I am a knucklehead, I totally missed the part on the 1040, were you can put in your routing number and bank info. Sounds like you can get some good movies are your library, I should check out the one around here.
Queen- Glad you are feeling better and more relaxed.
Cheetara- Sorry to hear about the death in your family and I hope your surgery went well and you are on the mend.
Wish- Let it out, maybe you will feel better. I hope you had a good weekend.
Keeping- Wow! I can't believe it is this weekend already! Do you have everything all set? I can't wait to see pics ;D
It is pouring here today so the ride to school was complete hell. How people get thier licenses is beyond me? Just drive cautiously, not stupidly,makes me freakin insane.
I was talking to sb's daughter again yesterday and he is being charged with breaking and entering and selling stolen property plus violating the restraining order probably. I don't know if his arrest record is 45 pages long or he has 45 previous charges but I hope that helps the judge to decide to lock him up. She is supposed to give me a call later ,so I know what is going on. I have been hoping and praying that his wife stays strong and goes through with the charges. I know it is hard to do when you are scared to death of the person.
I need to fill out some paperwork I have been putting off and call my sons school to bitch about a report they sent me and obviously didn't proofread before sending out.
The anklebiter we have left is now my shadow. She follows me everywhere I go, she likes to get up in my computer chair and sit behind my back when I am at the computer, my own personal butt warmer :)
I hope everyone has a great day! You guys just don't know how I much I appreciate having you to talk too...each and every one of you are beautiful and inspiring women and I thank you for that. Ok, done being a cornball ;D
Snow
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Wish- I understand how you feel when we don't respond to your posts, personally I apologize if I do that, but I have been missing a lot of things lately and I haven't figured out why yet. I had changed my settings and now I am all messed up.
If you are still feeling hurt from your babies daddy, I think that is totally natural. I still have feelings for my sons father and none of them are good. I feel the same way about him leaving this earth and that is why I am so happy he might be spending a while in jail. It is almost like a cruel joke that we have to pretend that this person is an upstanding human being and give them a little respect because we are the mature ones and want to what is best for our children. I just tell my son that I will explain everything to him when he gets older and he needs to enjoy the here and now. His fathers actions have nothing to do with him and he did nothing to make his father act the way he does. You are a strong women and you will get through this, but it is a hard time because you are feeling your childs pain. You will figure it out believe me. Talking to someone is definately a good idea, shoot, I have been away from my sons father for over six years and I haven't dealt with everything yet. I have actually thinking of going to a hypnotist to see if I can unblock some of the shit that happened to me so I can get it out of my system and move on.
I am here for you if you ever want to talk or pm or whatever.
Snow
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I dont wanna sound like a baby..but i get bummed when i write paragraphs of stuff andreally dont get any feedback...i dunno..i know i dont post to others all the time so i really shouldnt be feeling like that...there is no should or shouldn't to feelings, they just areim just kinda ina funky mood i guess..baby daddy drama has been weighin on me all weekend and i have been cryin n stuff at the drop of a dimethat is called depression...my kids are asking about him..and no matter what i say or do or what anyone says..i still feel hurt about it all and i keep looking back at all the shit he has done to me and cant shake iti think it would be hard to shake the fact that the man i had been faithful to gave me HIV and then people looked at me like I was the bad guy..Why is it so hard for me to let go..??Because you have common sense and then you have your heart that has spent many years loving this man..im so quick to say fuck it and i cant with him..his sister called me outta the blue and we talked for an hour..n that convo i discovered that the other sister and his mom have been talkin smack about the sitatuation and about me...doubting my daughter is his n things like that..WHY??because you are not their blood, it is easier to believe it would be you than him. It is their coping process; denial...besides the fact she is his female twin, he is the one that slept around not me..i know i shouldnt care what people think..but im just tired..i dont think i will rest until he is totally gone from this earth..i always feel like i did something wrongYOU didn't do anything wrong and now my kids dont have a father in their lives...and i know that is not the case but i cant help but to feel that way....i think I am going to get a therapista therapist is a great idea. Someone unbiased to hash out the situation with....up to this point i have always counseled myself..but its been a while and i still "feel" some type of way about this situation..it has to go away sometimes..but when?? I dont want to feel anything when it comes to him..nothing nada zip zilch...I feel so weak. But am always called "so strong". I should be happy that i had good lab results, bcus i REALLY felt something was wrong and i know I am blessed.....im really emotional right now....and my period is sooooooo late..Your period may be late because you are so emotional, that can happen sometimes.
There are 800 lines for people who are mentally stressed if you don't have the money to go to a therapist. There is also usually someone you can see through local health department on a sliding fee scale. It really does make a difference to talk to someone who is unbiased. Sometimes you have to go through a couple before you find just the right one. Tie a knot, hang in there and start your search for a therapist. In the meantime - we are all ears here.
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Wish, dont blame yourself for not letting go, you have handled the situation extremely well. But you wouldn't be human if you took it in your stride, he is your kids dad, of course you are upset!
but, regarding the "wouldnt rest until he is gone", try to ask yourself this, why should you take ownership of HIS craziness, his negativity, his problems. Of course if he does something like what he did you would get upset, but in the longterm, his disease (not just HIV) is not yours. I know waaay easier to say, I'd be climbing the walls with anger, frustration and fear. But ultimately, after a while, you might see that this miserable unhappy crazy guy has nothing to do with you anymore.
Oh yeah, and you can go to the police on what he did, not the police as his workplace only, but the police as in what he did is illegal.
You'll probabaly feel better when your period comes, you ARE strong, but not superhuman ;)
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Someone needs to step up and start a new thread. We're over 100 posts already. No refund in my account either and my number ends in 71 but I have direct deposit. It's rainy and cold today. Nothing planned but to finish my hair.
Wish-- Girl, don't let that man or his people get you down. Sorry, If I haven't responded but when I have a lot on my own plate, I usually am a mess and not in the right mindset to give someone else advice. But since I am feeling better and you asked for it..... :D Why should you be feeling bad? He is the one who infected you. And why is his sister calling you? You sure she is not trying to pick you for info. I just wonder about families like that and wondering if the sister that spoke to you is sincere in her intentions or trying to find out shit. And how does your man feel about this? Girl, you late? Oh no, you might be preggers or maybe you are feeling so emotional because Aunty Flo is making her way to you. Try to cheer up
Keeping---Just a week away....Remember what I said about the bird seed..*LOL*
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Thanks everyone for your ears and words.....im kinda feelin better..i just realized that..IM GETTING HIS ECONOMIc STIMULUS CHECK along with my own 1500..he is in the arrears for over 6g's...and last year i got his income tax refund too... ;D..but his ends in 80 and mine in 60 so..june will be good for me too..anytime actually...lol oh yeah what would the next thread be xxxii?..
Queen: NO PREGGERS!!!...tubes tied clipped n burned with the baby..I have been pmsin for about 3 weeks now....i was due the week of the 5th..but i dont have a regular period anyways..its later everyone month..but this month is later than normal which prolly just means a switch....i hope it doesnt come this week tho..we are going to VA this weekend!!!
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new thread started