relationship/ falling in love again

[lovelyflower]

Please help, i have met this man and i feel am falling in love after pushing men away now long enough.I have undetectable results for years and years now and feel i need to move on now. My question is what is the chance of passing the virus to my bf during oral sex which we haven't done as i fear passing it on to him. He does't know my status as i want to make sure he's the one and what's the chance of him catching the virus by placing his penis on vagina during pre intercourse where we always use condoms for penetration.
pls help as am worried that i might infect him though been told as a woman i have less chance of infecting him as i have undetectable results.

[TabooPrincess]

So pleased for you finding a nice man!!  I think the chances of passing on this are NIL for you - don't panic and just enjoy.  It's perhaps guilt because you haven't told him your status?  I'd probably be the same but he should really be given the option of knowing beforehand.  Good luck and have fun!!

[wisdomseeker]

Hey there!! I am new to this whole forum thing. But i was born and raised positive, but have only recently been talking about it with friends, family and boys. I am 26. But what i have experienced is that being truthful is number one. It sucks!! It is absolutely the worst thing, the thoughts that go through our mind of what their possible reaction could be. But you have to be open. The last post was correct in the matter that it is their choice, they should have the information and be able to make a decision with it on their own. I have had guys completely stop talking and interacting with me after i have told them, but in reality, in weens out those people that aren't going to be loyal to you in the long run. It really shows someones character, as well as their intelligence, when they can be mature about this kind of information being handed to them. With my most recent relationship, I told him and said you can take this information and we can be friends, i totally understand if you don't want to take the risk and I would rather have you as a friend and support than nothing at all. He asked me to be his girlfriend the next day. But when it comes to oral sex we just don't do it. I am also undetectable for years now, and although the risk is .000001 female to male transmission, it is safer not to step in to that boundary. I'm not sure if i'm too late, but I would tell him before any other sexual encounters come along....I wish you the best of luck and let me know if any of my long story ness was helpful!! xoxo

[Ann]

Welcome to the forums, Seeker.

You are absolutely NOT going to infect him by giving him a blowjob. It's no different to kissing. Saliva just isn't infectious and it doesn't matter where you put that saliva. Not one guy has ever been infected through getting a blowjob and none of your fellas are going to be the first.

Having a guy go down on you is also not a risk. Seriously, it isn't. I was in a relationship with a negative guy for over eight years and believe me, we did plenty of both - and he never became infected. All we did to keep him hiv negative was to use condoms for intercourse. As I've never been on meds (yet), I always had a detectable viral load. So stop worrying that you're going to infect him!

Good luck with your relationship. You sound like a really strong young woman and he's lucky to have you.

Hugs,
Ann
xxx