Getting Served

[tednlou2]

My partner, Brian, and I went out to dinner tonight.  Our server was an attractive late 20's or early 30-something.  My gaydar was not set off at first, but it hasn't been all that good anyway.  If they're masculine, I have to study them more to pick up tells. 

First, my water tasted like crap, but Brian's was perfectly fine.  The waiter said some lemonade must have gotten in it.  Then, he would not make eye contact with me, but would get really close to Brian (leaning in close as if he couldn't hear him) and stare deep into his eyes.  Everytime he came to the table, he refused to look at me and would only ask Brian how everything was.  Brian and I looked at each other and laughed.  I told him the server is obviously into him.  He was wearing his firefighter class A uniform or whatever it is called--the dressy uniform.  The server comes back and, again, looks at Brian and asked whether he needs more water.  I have my empty water glass raised and giggled the ice (something I did to make a point), but he did not ask me whether I wanted more.  Again, we laughed.  I felt like I was being punked.  Not that it was strange someone would find Brian attractive, but it just seemed so bizarre, like it was a prank.  I began to wonder whether the servers had fun, when a seemingly gay couple came in, to see if they could give WAY too much attention to one and see how the other reacts.  Perhaps a way to pass time on a holiday.  Or, we were on the TV show, "What Would You Do?"  It was really over the top.  I told Brian when he comes back, I'll talk to him and see if he will look at me.  I did that and he still would not make eye contact with me.  Even if he was into Brian, he wouldn't have to totally ignore me.  That is why it seemed so strange and like some joke.  I hadn't done anything to piss him off.  I was very pleasant with all the thank yous and all that.     

Yes, my ego was a tad hurt.  But, I was happy that Brian got some attention--a triple serving of it.  He has been feeling less desirable as he approaches 40, saying no one checks him out anymore.  He doesn't just come off with that.  He mentioned that, when a discussion between friends began about still getting noticed as we get older.  I joked that this will be his new favorite restaurant.  I would have been perfectly fine with inviting him back to our place with me just watching, if he had only refilled my water.    

So, anyone with experiences like this where someone was really into your spouse, partner, or date?  Btw, the guy has Brian's full name to search on Facebook, because Brian paid with his card.  As we've gotten older and more secure, I've told him I wouldn't be upset, if he were able to find some hot guy to hook up with for a one time fling.  Maybe I should add some rules that the guy cannot be in love with him.  Oh, and I have to be included.  This guy obviously wouldn't want to include me.               

[GSOgymrat]

My partner is the charming, chatty one of us who interacts with servers and salespeople, so it is typical for him to receive all the attention. I'm sure he would feel flattered by the flirtatious server but he would have been very upset that I was being disrespected. Being disrespected is one of his "buttons" and someone disrespecting me would really set him off.

[mecch]

Sounds to me that you are looking at this a bit screwy.  Why would a server, who's wage is based on leaving you satisfied, flirt aggressively with your partner while flagrantly cutting you dead? Well, if your portrayal is accurate, that is a pretty dumb waiter who isn't going to make much money.

[denb45]

Teddy ,I used to have the same problem way back when I 1st met Bob my otherhalf, but we were only 39 yrs. old back then 

and as the yrs. went by, we don't get a lotta of that much anymore, most younger guys that are waiters usually cater to both of us, as we tip well ( if the service is good) 

I really wouldn't worry too much about it, but, if someone is disrespecting you
in front of your BF, my otherhalf just won't go for any of that, as I won't as well 

[mecch]

Anyway, at least your bf got his ego stroked, we all like that!

To answer your question, yeah I once had a sublime bf in Paris, successful working model, (not one of those Gaultier runway freaky types of the time).  Any time we stopped in a cafe, the rubbernecking would begin.  Without fail, there would be double, triple, quadruple back of the shoulder stares and usually at least one or two repeat stroll pasts in the opposite direction.  He was so radiant and handsome.  It think its when you get the two combined - the extreme universal good looks combined with some kind of magnetism or radiance or just good vibes.  You can't blame people for looking.  He would get tired of it all though. 

Broke my heart when we broke up but also I was forever cured afterwards of beauty being much of a criteria in the dating game.