At the end, it doesn't really matter because I/we can't change my/our status and have to move on. I also think we are ultimately responsible (EVEN IF WE THOUGHT WE WERE ALWAYS BEING SAFE) for our own actions and whatever has happened cannot be reversed. I think I have now accepted my status and I know I can't turn back time and have no choice but to look forward.
I just needed to get this off my chest. [/left]
Your second to last paragraph, "it doesn't really matter" contradicts the rest of your text and the point of your post.
What exactly do you want to happen in this forum? HIV+ people to reach a consensus that "always protected sex" results in seroconversions? The minuscule risk of oral? That would be counter productive to one of the agendas of this forum. Its not going to happen.
Just tell yourself that you fall into the "unknown risk" category, which certainly does exist. Nobody contests that category. You simply can't identify the risk.
You haven't moved on yet because you're putting yourself and everyone else into categories for some reason or another. Despite your last words here.
The only point in making this post was that some of us truly believe/know that we got infected notwithstanding condoms being used every single time and some people constantly doubting our version of events or telling us that we are making it up, is frankly quite insensitive. That’s all.Well you got a point. I am in the unknown risk category. Online I got slapped into the party line and after some time I understood it made sense (the party line). In daily real iife, nobody was incredulous or insensitive about my bewilderment - how did i get it.
Yes, I am open to accepting the above possibilities. Maybe I was drunk and slipped up, or maybe I got it from oral- who knows. But that is not my point in making this post.
why can't others accept the possibility that there are people like me who do everything to protect themselves but still get infected.
why can't others accept the possibility that there are people like me who do everything to protect themselves but still get infected. Why is it so hard to accept that there is only 'safer' sex and no such thing as 100 % safe sex? Surely, mine is not an original case.
I thought spacebarsux stated that he barebacked with his ex-boyfriend.
I am not sure what you are suggesting by this post, but it seems to me that you are judging methods of becoming infected, as if there is both a right and wrong way to become poz. I also think you are having a difficult time in adjusting to your being poz and that is perfectly normal and understandable. However, you must remember, that just because we "feel" something, that does not make it true.
There is nothing wrong with you because you are poz. We all know that and hopefully, with time, so will you.
...who allegedly tested negative three months after their last encounter, but Space hasn't seen proof.
On the assumption that we both were negative, the only person I did have unprotected sex with was my ex, and he tested negative 3 months after last exposure with me. I have seen the test results so I know for certain that I didn’t get my infection from him.
I got my infection by living as a human sperm sponge, and I don't care who knows it.
The OP said he/she did see the results.
I think you should've posted this in Am I Infected ;)
Results, as everything, can be doctored.
Trust no one. :)
Results, as everything, can be doctored.they don't even have to be doctored. As I was recently counseling a guy who was wanted "paper proof" from a potential partner, I pointed out that the piece of paper was only good for that exact moment in time. What if his soon-2-be sexual hookup went out the night after the test and was infected, before coming to visit this guy several days later? That's why, especially for a negative person, you have to behave like everyone you have sex with could be/is positive and take precaution. Documents mean nothing.
Trust no one. :)
But you're right, anything can be faked these days. I remember faking a doctor's note when I was 17 by scanning their letterhead and typing what I wanted it to say.
Why do so many members on this forum and/or other poz people find it so unbelievably hard to believe or accept that some of us got infected despite taking precautions every single time that we can recall?
Now I don’t claim to be an innocent virgin. I did sleep around, but AS FAR AS I CAN REMEMBER, I had protected sex every single time with every single guy (except my ex bf). Don’t remember a single slip up or condom break. Not one. In fact, I didn’t even have anal sex too much and mostly stuck to oral.
...
...It would be refreshingly honest to hear more people say something like this:not "admitting" to how you got infected often has to do with the many stigmas surrounding HIV - the biggest one just being a prudish attitude towards sex. Many people are secretive about their sexual activities and are then a little leery about proclaiming that is was via sex that they were infected, much less that it was through a specific act.
I HAD UNPROTECTED SEX AND BECAME INFECTED WITH HIV
So we're not unsympathetic, just doubtful that there are so many proclaimed "immaculate infections".
Henry
But there those of us that were not "a sperm sponge", that made the right decisions to practice safe sex. Then you meet what you think is the love of your life, you both go and get tested, even wait the six months and get tested again and then make the choice to have unprotected sex. I know my partner sorry ex partner and I said no unsafe sex outside the relationship. It makes it hard to except (or at least for me) that I am now positive because of another's lies and betrayal. I feel that this is happening alot and for those of us it makes the mental aspect of having this a hard pill to swallow
The ex and I were together around a year before condoms came off. I only used the term "sperm sponge" because someone else used it. I'm not passing judgement but when you put yourself in a high risk it would be hard to be surprised that you caught it. Once again no judgement. For me mentally it just sucks that I didn't get to have the fun but I got the punishment.
The ex and I were together around a year before condoms came off. I only used the term "sperm sponge" because someone else used it. I'm not passing judgement but when you put yourself in a high risk it would be hard to be surprised that you caught it. Once again no judgement. For me mentally it just sucks that I didn't get to have the fun but I got the punishment.
For me mentally it just sucks that I didn't get to have the fun but I got the punishment.
See, to me there's not much difference in being an outright "sperm sponge" and being someone that enters into a condom-free relationship with a guy you've only known for a year. You rolled the dice and you got burned. Surely you knew that there was a significant chance that someone you only knew for a year would turn out to not actually be faithful.
if someone can explain to me why a gay couple would even want to forego using protection anyway?
Not knocking anything here, but I'm just wondering if someone can explain to me why a gay couple would even want to forego using protection anyway? I mean, is it because it's a sign of the ultimate commitment and love for one another? It feels better?
So there's no plausible solution, except for a cure. And I see some scientists and activists realizing that, what explains the more recent push for finding one.
I've never shared my infection story. I accidently fell on a huge cock loaded with the HIV.
Are there studies showing how many poz gay folks got infected while thinking they were in a monogamous relationship, and not from dating, hook-ups, etc?
'Cause getting the AIDS while in a monogamous relationship is far more acceptable to society that from dating and hook-ups.no, not that getting it is more acceptable but more surprising. Obviously a person in a 5yr monogamous relationship shouldn't be expecting a wayward partner or a diagnosis of HIV. I doubt people will ever live their "married" lives together having safe sex because they expect the other partner to cheat. Quite the opposite, people expect honesty and commitment in a marriage/partnership.
that kind of study Teddy suggested could surprise us and show how few, fragile, and rare truly monogamous gay relationsips actually are.
One would think with the clamouring for gay marriage that monogamous gay relationships were actually the norm. If gay relationships are not that monogamous after all, then why the hoopla for the marriage since they'll just end up with divorce costs (or worse, HIV) when the supposed monogamy turns out to be a failure.
that kind of study Teddy suggested could surprise us and show how few, fragile, and rare truly monogamous gay relationsips actually are.
no, not that getting it is more acceptable but more surprising. Obviously a person in a 5yr monogamous relationship shouldn't be expecting a wayward partner or a diagnosis of HIV. I doubt people will ever live their "married" lives together having safe sex because they expect the other partner to cheat. Quite the opposite, people expect honesty and commitment in a marriage/partnership.
that kind of study Teddy suggested could surprise us and show how few, fragile, and rare truly monogamous gay relationsips actually are.
Every American should have the exact same civil rights and what we might do with those "rights" has no bearing on our right to have them.
Just the gay ones, dear?
What I was getting at is that discussions about a cheating ex infecting you vs being a whore and becoming infected translates to me like a victim vs. you got what you deserved scenerio. Does it really matter??
'Cause getting the AIDS while in a monogamous relationship is far more acceptable to society than from dating and hook-ups. I guess its a better form of HIV if contracted in a so called "monogamous" relationship.
So, I was trying to get at whether there is data that being in a gay relationship proves to be no safer than just hooking up on Manhunt, or somewhat safer, or way more safe.
So, I was trying to get at whether there is data that being in a gay relationship proves to be no safer than just hooking up on Manhunt, or somewhat safer, or way more safe.
Makes absolutely no difference!! Once you decide to do it raw the risk is there no matter who you are with. I still go back to victim vs. whore. I think that when someone gets hung up on the fact that their partner cheated/lied and infected them it some how sets that person apart from someone who became infected through a hook-up, etc. Almost like, as has been alluded to earlier, the hook-up person shouldn't be surprised. In the end both are infected. I suppose it's all a matter of coming to terms with being HIV+, some of us accept the fact immediately, others struggle.
I am of course referring to infection via barebacking as opposed to the OP's original statement that as best as he can remember he was infected performing oral sex.
Well, it does matter. Many gays, especially, get into relationships not just for companionship, but to reduce their chances of teh AIDS.
Well, it does matter. Many gays, especially, get into relationships not just for companionship, but to reduce their chances of teh AIDS. If gay relationships prove to not provide much safety from HIV, then I'm saying maybe campaigns should tell gays in relationships that they shouldn't feel safe like their straight brother or sister can. I wasn't making any value judgments that some deserve it or shouldn't be surprised.
OMG MY PARTNER INFECTED ME WE WERE MONOGAMOUS AND BAREBACKING HE BROUGHT HOME TEH AIDS I HATE HIM
...
Many gays, especially, get into relationships not just for companionship, but to reduce their chances of teh AIDS. If gay relationships prove to not provide much safety from HIV, then I'm saying maybe campaigns should tell gays in relationships that they shouldn't feel safe like their straight brother or sister can.
...
Well, it does matter. Many gays, especially, get into relationships not just for companionship, but to reduce their chances of teh AIDS.
If gay relationships prove to not provide much safety from HIV, then I'm saying maybe campaigns should tell gays in relationships that they shouldn't feel safe like their straight brother or sister can.