POZ Community Forums
Off Topic Forums => Off Topic Forum => Topic started by: thunter34 on August 13, 2007, 04:06:20 pm
-
My folks can spout some gems. Some wise, some weird. Nearly all hilarious. How about yours?
I'll start: When Mom saw me watching this band on TV years ago, she said:
"Who is that?"
"The Cure."
"Looks more like the illness."
[attachment deleted by admin]
-
In the early days of space exploration, my mother, clearly mulling over current events, asked me in a slightly annoyed and disbelieving tone, "Do you believe in outer space?"
-
after coming out to my parents and mom getting over the shock she asked me one day..."are you a top or under?" ::)
-
after coming out to my parents and mom getting over the shock she asked me one day..."are you a top or under?" ::)
"Bottom", she replied.
Which was an under statement.
;D
-
"Bottom", she replied.
Which was an under statement.
;D
oh honey, more like a walking black hole :o
(edit to correct spelling)
-
You should have shown her your "Under Where?" collection ! :D
(http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k186/Smallzworld/KermitKlein.jpg)
Milker.
-
After my last live-in relationship, Mom said, "Well, I think your next boyfriend, should you choose to date a man this time, should be an American doctor."
Guess she was over the Mexican hairdressers.
-
oh honey, more like a walking black hole :o
(edit to correct spelling)
And Andy's mom would again ask "Do you believe in outer space?" ;)
-
mum when I got a new job last year 'oh but you'll be great at that, your'e such a good fellatiator!' Presume she meant facilitatator...and just didnt have the heart to explain why I laughed so hard I was in tears, (and how did she KNOW?) ;D
-
My Paw always said "Hard heads make sore asses" Now, that has 2 meanings! Being hard headed will get you a spanking or rough sex could cause some pain!
:o
-
My grandmother used to say "I ain't never heard tell of __________" when she hadn't heard of something before. We say it now, but say it as "I ain't never heard tail, but I sure have smelled one before". I'm not sure which is worse; what my grandmother said out of ignorance or what we say out of humor.
-
I brought my first "real" boyfriend home to meet the family in 1983. After he left my mother said he looked "AIDSEY". He didn't & to this day remains HIV-. Funny, I'm the "Aidsey one" now.
Dan
-
Working class Australian women are veritable fonts of this sort of stuff. Whenever someone would say "shit" in the presence of my unbelievably Presbyterian grandmother she would immediately follow up with:
" . . . said the King and 40,000 arseholes strained in the dust. For in those days the King's word was law."
MtD
-
Intersting topic. In wish I'd remember a funny comment my parents have made on this subject. They probably have but I don't remember now. I do remember one time a coworker of my Dad was having a few beers with him years back. The guy was complaining that he thought one of his kids seemed to be growing up gay. "What do I do with him if he turns up homosexual?" My Dad had a slight buzz on him already but his words I loved and have always stayed in my mind: "You do nothing. Teach him good discipline, let him make his own decisions, and love him anyways because he is your only living blood when you die." I say no more...and my dad is a retired mean sob from the United States Armed Forces, and very macho in his ways! :)
-
My grandmother used to say "I ain't never heard tell of __________" when she hadn't heard of something before.
Um....I say that now.
-
Um....I say that now.
DADDY!
-
DADDY!
ROTF.
It's true.
-
My mother would make gay jokes when I was a little kid.
When I was like 13 she said, "Homosexuality was god's way of population control"
Little did she know that I would tell her a couple years later I was a raging mo!!!!
Like a friend of mine says, "I wanna be buried like I lived my life.....face down and ass in the air.....and hey, that would give you something to put the flowers in"
If only the walls in my house could talk...
-
Little did she know that I would tell her a couple years later I was a raging mo!!!!
You're fucking joking right? Unless the poor dear is blind, deaf and has no sense of smell, how could she NOT know?
MtD
-
Its because I'm pretty duh! LOL i dont know
I guess every parent wishes their kid wasnt gay! DUH!!!
Little did she know that I would tell her a couple years later I was a raging mo!!!!
You're fucking joking right? Unless the poor dear is blind, deaf and has no sense of smell, how could she NOT know?
MtD
-
When I was like 13 she said, "Homosexuality was god's way of population control"
Wishful thinking I imagine.
-
Um....I say that now.
Well, you ARE from Georgia, after all. They live next door in Alabama.
-
Well, you ARE from Georgia, after all. They live next door in Alabama.
Then I reckon I orton to go visit 'em sometime.
-
Its because I'm pretty duh! LOL i dont know
I guess every parent wishes their kid wasnt gay! DUH!!!
Rich says,
"Bless his heart"
-
Rich says,
"Bless his heart"
I want you have my anal baby, Rich.
-
Bless his heart
I'm not sure the frilly little thing is a "his" . . .
MtD
-
my aunt says bottom sides upwards for upside down.
-
Bless his heart
I'm not sure the frilly little thing is a "his" . . .
MtD
Im not sure you even have Testosterone. And what is up with that Avatar? Talk about "Jessica being gay"
If this was the olympics you would deff get the gold!
-
Im not sure you even have Testosterone. And what is up with that Avatar? Talk about "Jessica being gay"
If this was the olympics you would deff get the gold!
Honey, that's a good one. You should remember it and tell it at dinner parties. ;)
MtD
-
All the malls must be closed.
-
Im not sure you even have Testosterone. And what is up with that Avatar? Talk about "Jessica being gay"
If this was the olympics you would deff get the gold!
Honey, that's a good one. You should remember it and tell it at dinner parties. ;)
MtD
Oh rubbish!!
I have more important things to talk about than your dim-witted comments at my dinner parties. I mean I bet my friends and I could laugh at how insecure you must be pestering a 19 year old boy.
-
You're a boy?
MtD
-
You're a boy?
MtD
Last time I checked my results I posted on here say MALE... So yea I am a boy... Sorry to disappoint you...
I know I am as cute as they come... :P
lol
-
My daddy use to say, "if I want any shit out of you, I'll squeeze your head. I think daddy was right.
-
LOL
-
Jessem~~
I know you are new here but I think you should be careful what you say. MtD is a valued member here and although I know you think you can hold your own, Matty may just have to give you one of his famous verbal tongue lashings. Trust me, the comments he has made towards you so far can be considered a spanking if you will.
-
I don't think I should take anyones verbal abuse.
I like to play nice, but as soon as I am pestered with foolish comments I will stand up.
-
Trust me, the comments he has made towards you so far can be considered a spanking if you will.
More like a wag of the finger.
-
More like a wag of the finger.
Well I don't have anything against the guy, but I don't let insulting things fly by.
If that is acceptable in your book, Hey! more power to ya.
But to me there is no valid reason in which to let someone make you feel "ant" high.
Ok enough said I don't like the back and forth sharing of words.
-
Just glad we have that little IGNORE button on here when things get out of hand. To bad it would not totally delete someones account.
-
On that note and with the theme of this thread...Momma use to say....Don't let your mouth write a check that your ass can't cash.....
(damn whippersnappers) ;D
-
Or as my uncle use to say, "if I want any lip off of you I'll scrape my zipper"...oops I'm sorry, that was supposed to be for another thread in mental health. :P
-
Mom always had a saying I brought you into this world and I can take you out!
-
Whenever I smelled something bad and commented on it, my dad would always tell me that it was my upper lip. I didn't know what that meant, but it sounded bad.
-
Or as my uncle use to say, "if I want any lip off of you I'll scrape my zipper"...oops I'm sorry, that was supposed to be for another thread in mental health. :P
Um, why does that sound incestuous to me......
-
Mom always had a saying I brought you into this world and I can take you out!
Always loved that one but none of my kids made me have to use it..
-
You made you bed now lay in it. She told me this when I was having problems with my xwife. :P
-
Matty the Damned's male parental unit has a saying that seems to be particularly appropriate today:
"You can't put brains in a statue."
MtD
-
y'all need to quit pissing on my leg and telling me it's raining.
-
"You gonna eat that?"
-
Always wear clean underware, becuase you might get into a bad accident.
Won't work today because most of us never wear any. :P
-
Always wear clean underware, becuase you might get into a bad accident.
Won't work today because most of us never wear any. :P
word.
-
"You gonna eat that?"
And I would reply..."yes, but please leave the $20 next to the clock..."
-
When Mom found my stash of BlueBoy's under my bed and presented them at dinner time to me (age 15). Do you like boys Eric? Dah....
-
Whenever it would rain while the sun was out, they would say, "the Devil must be beatin' his wife." I never have understood that one.
-
My mother, an extremely conservative Roman Catholic, always ended every phone conversation in the 60s and 70s with "I get down on my knees every night and pray for your soul."
And I would respond: "I get down on my knees every night, too, Mom."
She never understood what I was really saying.
-
When Mom found my stash of BlueBoy's under my bed and presented them at dinner time to me (age 15). Do you like boys Eric? Dah....
::gasp::
our mothers must've played bridge together or something. totally from her playbook.
-
My mother, an extremely conservative Roman Catholic, always ended every phone conversation in the 60s and 70s with "I get down on my knees every night and pray for your soul."
And I would respond: "I get down on my knees every night, too, Mom."
She never understood what I was really saying.
I LOVE IT!
(http://img463.imageshack.us/img463/4841/onyourkneesyb6.jpg)
(http://img477.imageshack.us/img477/5708/loosetonguecj1.jpg)
-
praise
[attachment deleted by admin]
-
praise
I don't get it.
-
Why is itnot surprising that you don't get it.... :P
-
Why is itnot surprising that you don't get it.... :P
Why can you be nicer and help me get it? Instead of trying to make me feel stupid?
-
praise
LOL, us girls got it.....
-
Here is something I don't get.
When I was a little boy, no more than 5 or 6, my mother once said, "A pint's a pound the world around.". I have never forgotten that.
To this day I still don't know what it means.
Translation?
-
Why can you be nicer and help me get it? Instead of trying to make me feel stupid?
Now Now, lil pup...I was not trying to make you feel stupid, figured that your age was the reason why you didn't get it....Now if you feel stupid that is not because of anything I said.... ;D
-
Robert you Mum was just drunk when she spoke to you those first few years... :D
-
I lost my Mom Betty 10 years to cancer, I miss her dearly. She said many many funny things. One of my favorites is, Honey, life is the same circus over and over, they just change the clowns around!
I complained of not having much of a butt to her and she said, Honey, it's what's up front that counts!
-
My Mum used to quote Jacques Brel, a famous Belgian singer, when talking about me:
"Il est beau, beau, et con a la fois"
Con is very hard to translate, francophones will know, but basically it says "He is handsome, handsome, and dorky/stupid/jerk at the same time"
She also had her favorite, when having a J&B: "Water is where fish have sex".
Milker.
-
Once again Matty the Damned recalls the sage words of his astonishingly protestant grandmother. For the Americans here, I'll preface this by saying that in Australia "fanny" doesn't mean "butt", rather it means "pussy".
"Love is an itch in your fanny that you can't get at to scratch."
The dirty old bitch.
MtD
-
eric...your're right about that...scotch and soda. That was her standard. Every night. She went into the horsepistol 2 night before she died and took her bottle of scotch with her. Scotch always did the trick, even when she was 82 years old and it was time to cash in her cards.
By the way, I guess I was clumsy when I was a kid. At least once a day she'd tell me I had "...gone ass over tea kettle again, haven't you?" (think about it~~)
robert
-
When someone would ask my Dad how he is doing he always replied" I'm finer than frog hair".
& some of my own... About bleached blondes with dark roots...
She has lovley blonde hair, I don't know why she dyes her roots black.
Dan J.
-
Dear All,
I've pulled a racist quote which was posted here as quickly as I saw it before it got noticed by more than a couple of people.
This is a fun thread. Let's keep it that way.
Racist stuff has no place here. No matter how superficially it may seem funny to some, it promotes bigoted thinking and it's hurtful.
Cheers,
-
Thank you Andy
-
As a kid whenever I offered excuses as to why I couldn't complete something, I always received two stock answers from me dad...
...it was either "can't never could"
or, "if, if and or but, were candy and nuts, oh what a merry christmas it would be."
This little ditty while driving in our merry oldsmobile drove this five year old crazy.
Father: Pete and Repete were sitting on a log. Pete fell off, who was left?
Son: Repete?
You get the picture
typo
-
Of course, I tortured mine with something similar. Sing it with me!
This is the song that will not end
It just goes on and on, my friend
Some people started singing it-
Not knowing what it was
And they'll continue singing it
Forever just because-
This is the song that will not end....
-
I had been dating a guy about 6 months and we were over at my mother's house. Without acknowledging my boyfriend's presence she and I chatted for a while. Finally she turned to him, cigarette in hand and deadpans "So... you're still with us, eh?"
It's become a family catchphrase.
-
my granny brought me up, very conservatively, and I remember at age 8ish, the TALK...she made sex seem the worst thing on earth and then said 'but if you do it twice a month you might get more housekeeping!'
Those good old christian values ;D