Author Topic: what has happened to the forums ? (Read 6550 times)

Hard Times · « **on:** April 23, 2008, 02:08:07 pm »

i havent been to aids meds forums for some time now . i used to visit it daily !
stopped going here because of some of the things that were being discussed, were way out of line for this site !
now i return ! some of the things i read today ! WOW
i thought this site was for info. & support ! now it seems to be a place for NIT PICKING , bashing, & arguring ! or is it flaming wars ! i am totally dissapointed in seeing this stuff on here !
i know the rules are the rules , i have to follow them & so does everyone else !!!
when i try to come here for support, all i get is NOTHING ! (there a very few here who are supportive), (you know who you are).
i have questions & comments, but i'm afraid to post here ! some treet you like shit, others just don't care !
some give no useful info at all ! (just bullshit).

as of today i'm homicidal / suicidal , just ready too KILL any asshole that gets in my way !!!!! my relationship with my partner is almost non exsistance ! i am totally alone here ! i'm down to one friend !
and you know what keeps me going ? some one has to feed the dogs !

oh i could carry on but why ? my dog is more understanding than most people out there !

there you have it i said my piece ! thats all !!!
and to the caring ones , THANKS very dissapointedly Tommy j.

Ann · « **Reply #1 on:** April 23, 2008, 02:37:57 pm »

Tommy,

I'm sorry you are feeling down. There seems to be a lot of that going around this spring. Have you considered seeing a counselor? I know many forum members have a therapist and they say it helps tremendously.

As for the forums changing, well, we haven't had one of those threads here in a while! We were getting them regularly for a while.

The thing is, the forums are always changing as we get new members, old members become too busy in their lives or just drift off. It's always been the same. In fact, around here, the saying "the more things change, the more they stay the same" seems apt. Most people get out of this place what they put into it.

Good to see you posting again. Don't be such a stranger.

Ann

AlanBama · « **Reply #2 on:** April 23, 2008, 02:40:22 pm »

Hey Tommy

I'm sorry things are looking so bleak for you right now. Many of us have relied on our pets to keep us "functional", so that is no disgrace. Are you seeing a therapist/counselor? taking anti-depressant medications? Those things are certainly no disgrace either (I do both).

I'm also sorry things are not good with your partner. I know how difficult that makes day-to-day living.

Hoping for brighter days, and keeping you in my prayers....

Alan

Hard Times · « **Reply #3 on:** April 23, 2008, 03:05:11 pm »

i was seeing a therapist, just when we were getting to the roots of trying to cope, & what my problem was .
my therapist just up & quit , leaving me hanging onto nothing ! all the shrink does is just push pills on you, & sends you on your werry way . mental health around here is almost non exsistance ! (kingman az.)
i've been searching the web for help, but no luck there .
well this is a start, thanks.

Andy Velez · « **Reply #4 on:** April 23, 2008, 04:52:27 pm »

Tommy, I'm glad you spoke up.

Now you may be able to call me out about this, but I suspect if you open a thread in LIVING WITH or LONGTIME where the focus is on what's going on in your life and what you need help with, I'm betting you will get support.

That's an unhappy experience to have a therapist bail on you. Not all are pillpushers although I do agree that's way too common for my taste these days. I'm for working at putting things into words either verbally in treatment or in other appropriate settings like here.

Keep talking and telling here. I've always found that members rise to the occasion when someone needs support. So I urge you to continue what you're doing. Telling your truth and asking for help.

Cheers,

GSOgymrat · « **Reply #5 on:** April 23, 2008, 06:03:45 pm »

Sorry you are feeling so angry and depressed. If your therapist quit he or she should have set you up with another therapist who would be able to work with you. Most psychiatrist only focus on medications and leave the talk therapy for the therapists. To be honest, I think online support is helpful, but it is limited. Face-to-face with a therapist, family member, friend, support group or clergy would be better. I hope things in your life improve.

AndyArrow · « **Reply #6 on:** April 23, 2008, 10:14:59 pm »

Tommy,

I'm sorry to read that things are all pilling on to get at you. Sometimes, it seems like it's just one thing after another. Talk-therapy with someone is often very help full to some people. I'm not really one of those people so I can't share any great experience on that front.

I can understand about your dogs. Pets are always there when you need them I've had my cat for 17yrs and don't know what I'd do without her.

People here have been very kind to me and it has helped me a great deal to get things out in the open on these forums. I hope you are willing to give it a try again.

Hopefully, things will start looking a little brighter soon for you.

All the best,
AA

Desertguy · « **Reply #7 on:** April 23, 2008, 11:14:04 pm »

Hey Tommy

I must say hang in there. My dog is the only thing that I had when I was informed I was +, yes they do seem to understand you more than a human. The only thing I pray for is that he doesn't start answering me back !! LOL
As far as your partner thing goes I was married for almost all my life and never thought I could be/live by myself but have been that way for over 2 years now and have found it not too bad a thing really. Do you have an other counslor to go too.

As far as getting help in your area I totally understand where you are coming from as I live about 50 miles away from you. (Fort Mohave, AZ) Same thing here so I use my Golden Retriver as a Counslor and its cheaper.
I never thought I would find anyone close by to me you are the 1st.

Hang in there Tommy things will get better. just remember that "IT's ALL GOOD"

Dennis

Jeff G · « **Reply #8 on:** April 23, 2008, 11:28:06 pm »

Hi Tommy
I have dealt with my share of depression and I can relate to the pain you must feel . I went through a tough time with a relationship while dealing with a health crises and the loss of a job . If it hadn't been for my dog Zita I may not have found the strength to get up or go on each day , she means the world to me . I want you to know there are people here that care , I'm am one . If you ever want to strike up a conversation with a stranger I'm your guy .

Tempeboy · « **Reply #9 on:** April 23, 2008, 11:49:04 pm »

Quote from: tommyj on April 23, 2008, 02:08:07 pm

i thought this site was for info. & support ! now it seems to be a place for NIT PICKING , bashing, & arguring ! or is it flaming wars ! i am totally dissapointed in seeing this stuff on here !

Noooooooooooo, surely not here.

No qliques, agression or bullying either.......

It's interesting that your concerns have been turned back on you.

David_CA · « **Reply #10 on:** April 24, 2008, 09:10:49 am »

Hi Tommy,

I've been a member of these forums for a bit over two years. When I've asked for help or suggestions, I've gotten 'em. When I've needed information, I got information. When I've just needed understanding, I've gotten that, too. I always try to ask nicely and thank those who bother to respond to my questions or conderns. Occasionally, I see a member post what I consider a bitchy response, but shit happens. Generally, though, when a member honestly needs something, he or she gets it. If they come in with a real need but has a bad attitude, they'll often get some not-so-nice responses mixed in with the helpful ones. These forums are a lot like a mirror. They reflect the attitudes and personalities of the members who make it up.

I've had days when I feel like what you posted. Those days everybody and everything get on my nerves. Those days I don't post much here, either. Fortunately, I don't have many of those days. I had a counselor right after my diagnosis that helped a lot. I understand you lost yours, but all that means is that it's time to find another one. I hope things improve for you soon. Take care.

David

Florida69 · « **Reply #11 on:** April 24, 2008, 10:07:04 am »

Quote from: tommyj on April 23, 2008, 02:08:07 pm

i havent been to aids meds forums for some time now . i used to visit it daily !
stopped going here because of some of the things that were being discussed, were way out of line for this site !
now i return ! some of the things i read today ! WOW
i thought this site was for info. & support ! now it seems to be a place for NIT PICKING , bashing, & arguring ! or is it flaming wars ! i am totally dissapointed in seeing this stuff on here !
i know the rules are the rules , i have to follow them & so does everyone else !!!
when i try to come here for support, all i get is NOTHING ! (there a very few here who are supportive), (you know who you are).
i have questions & comments, but i'm afraid to post here ! some treet you like shit, others just don't care !
some give no useful info at all ! (just bullshit).

as of today i'm homicidal / suicidal , just ready too KILL any asshole that gets in my way !!!!! my relationship with my partner is almost non exsistance ! i am totally alone here ! i'm down to one friend !
and you know what keeps me going ? some one has to feed the dogs !

oh i could carry on but why ? my dog is more understanding than most people out there !

there you have it i said my piece ! thats all !!!
and to the caring ones , THANKS very dissapointedly Tommy j.

Hi Tommy, I can relate to your feelings on the forum. I have to tell you more often than not when I post I get exactly what you described. I am resilient and refuse to let bitter people get me down or run me off. However, there are still those of us that come here for support and to support the people that we care about that are inflicted with this disease. I have learned that the best thing to do is to ignore the folks that give you hard time, most are disgruntled and seek some type of power. Please don't give them the power. They have probably always been that way, and most of the time their life with this virus has put them in a bitter spirit. I too do not post that often for that reason. I hope at some point, like in life the bad ones will weed themselves out.

As for you and your partner, I have learned that some communication can be helpful. Tell him how you feel, maybe set up a quite time with just the two of you just to watch a movie or dinner. Sometimes that helps overcome the communication barrier. It has been proven that animals are sometimes the best medicine for depression and isolation. I have two cats, and I just picked up a stray, I know I need another animal like I need a hole in the head. He is sweet though. Counseling can be a very positive thing for everyone. I was a psychology major in college, and really enjoyed the behavioral portion of my studies. I apply it in everyday life more often than one would think. If you don't have a counselor and are feeling suicidal, then it is time to seek one. I too have those days where I understand why people give up. I have thought about it too, but you have many things to live for, besides those dogs. Keep fighting the good fight, and we are glad you found your way back. Take care, D

Dachshund · « **Reply #12 on:** April 24, 2008, 10:23:40 am »

I hope things are looking a bit brighter for you today, if not feel free to rant away. We all have those days and with good reason.

I hope you recognize the folks who are truly offering you advice and sincere wishes of support from those who use your personal feelings to try and get their personal licks in against the forums and our members.

Hang in there kid.

woodshere · « **Reply #13 on:** April 24, 2008, 10:40:10 am »

We all have bad days, I hope today you have awoken to a better one and the dogs have greeted you with big sloppy kisses.

As far as the forums, true they are a place of support, but they are no different than any other type of organization. Having been in a 12 step support group, which is very much a place to go to deal with life's stresses and find support, there were people I couldn't stand. Either they were too bitter and complained every meeting or felt all the time should be devoted to them or knew the answer to everyone's problem. Didn't mean I stopped going. I just looked for what I could within the context of the entire meeting that helped me and gave me support. Hell if you think about it, when you bring a group of people together that have a common goal very seldom will everyone get along. Think of your family. I love my mom and sister dearly, but damn they make me so made sometime. Doesn't mean I terminate my relationship with them. May take a break from talking awhile, but I know they are there and soon we will be fine.....until the next blow up.

Hang in there,
Woods

DanielMark · « **Reply #14 on:** April 24, 2008, 01:59:10 pm »

Hi Tommy,

Got to agree with the folks who advise taking what you need from the forums and ignoring the rest. I don't feel the need to post often here, but I do read some of the topics a few times a week. I just can’t get into things here as deeply as many seem to do. We’re all dealing with HIV (or most), but we’re still all individuals with varying levels of need.

What's that old saying? Don't throw the baby out with the bath water?

Hope you're beginning to feel a little better today. (((HUG)))

Daniel

Hard Times · « **Reply #15 on:** April 24, 2008, 03:27:42 pm »

hi all ;
i'm all teary eyed . thanks for all the SUPPORT & kind words . i don't feel so alone now !
Woofdog is laying at my feet snoozing away, Shug is in reach for a quick hug, MoJo has FINALLY STOPPED & layed down. it's a nice day out there, the birds a chirping, nice breeze, almost serene.
mentelly better thanks to you all ! hell i even went to town this morning, met my friend for coffee & donuts.
we even had some good laughs !
one major problem yesterday was, my partner = Kirk decided to declare bankrupsy !! i said HUH

?
that toped the cake !!! i had no one to talk to ! so thats why i came back to the forums . so glad i did .
i'm turning my problems off for a day or a week ! i'll see how it goes .
i see the shrink the beginning of next month, & i'm asking for another counselor.

WOW i just had a desent phone conversation with Kirk ! what a nice surprize .

well all i think it's time to have a smoke (you know what i meen) & take a nice little nap with Woof, until Kirk gets home.
and again THANKS FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT & KINDNESS . & I'M THANKFUL FOR THIS SITE.

Tommy

Andy Velez · « **Reply #16 on:** April 24, 2008, 03:54:36 pm »

Glad to know you're having a better day, Tommy. Keep coming back...

Cheers,

Hard Times · « **Reply #17 on:** April 24, 2008, 04:28:11 pm »

hay Oz ;
i couldn't get thoes links to work, microsoft is having a little problem i guess. i'll try again later.

BT65 · « **Reply #18 on:** April 24, 2008, 07:11:59 pm »

Tommyj, although I didn't contribute earlier (mainly because I thought everyone else said it well), I have been following this. I'm relieved that you're feeling better.

BubbaPat · « **Reply #19 on:** April 24, 2008, 08:09:35 pm »

Hey Tommy,

I know exactly what your feeling. Your current state as well as with regard to the forums.

More often though, I've found the forums helpful. We all make mistakes and sometimes gripe more than help but we've all go to pull together and make more good than bad.

I myself made an error on the forums and can only apologize and not make the same mistake again.

Hope your day gets better and I hope you and your partner can give each other a good hug. I like hugs!

bubba hugs,
Patrick

Florida69 · « **Reply #20 on:** April 25, 2008, 09:31:03 am »

Quote from: tommyj on April 24, 2008, 03:27:42 pm

i see the shrink the beginning of next month, & i'm asking for another counselor......

I'M THANKFUL FOR THIS SITE.

I am so glad that are getting the help you need, and were able to enjoy some quality time with your friend... We are all thankful for this site and the things that it gives to us, but with all things in life you only get what you give. Take care buddy, and I am so glad that you feeling better. Feel free to hit us up anytime. Take care, D

Hard Times · « **Reply #21 on:** April 28, 2008, 12:41:38 pm »

hay all ;
i'm glad that episode is over . i mentally rested over the weekend, feeling better today.
9 more days to go , for to see the shrink . this time i'm not holding anything back !!
they call me low matinance . have i got news for them !!

i've also noticed that i have lost FAITH !! (but thats a different story).

i'm on the road to re-recovery.
i'm sure the drug hoilday i was on didn't help much eather.
back in november i went to hiv dr. & was complaining about the side effects of rayataz/norvier (blah yuck).
thoes kidney stones sure HURT on the way out !! (my poor pecker!) hasn't been the same sence !
so i started my drug holiday in Dec. as of then my cd4 was 864. . so the holiday went on. then my blood work for Feb., cd4 count DROPPED to 249 !!! i was sick AGAIN !!!! started meds on the 1st of Feb.
he put me on Isentress/Truvada combo. then March bloodwork, cd4 count went up to 444 .
more blood work on the first of April.
so i guess when your cd4's are low , so are you.
what can i say but THANKS TO ALL ! T

Andy Velez · « **Reply #22 on:** April 28, 2008, 12:58:38 pm »

Good to know things are on the upswing, Tommy.

And yes, those stones are "pearls" of great price. OUCH!

Just keep going...

Cheers,

Hard Times · « **Reply #23 on:** April 30, 2008, 01:04:12 pm »

hay all ;
i'm still hanging in there. counting down the day's till i see the shrink ! IT'S THE WAITING THAT GETS YA !
i am feeling ok, so far today !

andy; i guess if i saved all the pearls , i'd have a whole neckless by now ! LOL !

Hard Times · « **Reply #24 on:** May 22, 2008, 01:45:22 pm »

if any body is still reading this !

i went to mental health on may 7 . . what a joke that was !! talk about shove you in & then out.

i got to spend a whole 6 minutes with the shrink !

. i told him i was suicidal / homacidal,
he looked at me like i was NUTS !!!

i ask for a new counslor, & that was the end of that !!
so a week later they call me & ask what they could do for me. i told them & i havent heard from them sence !

(way to go mohave mental health clinic of az.).

!!! i'm still wishy washy, but better .

Jeff G · « **Reply #25 on:** May 22, 2008, 09:05:53 pm »

I also have had to fight sometime to get what I need to stay mentally and physically healthy .
I'm doing well now because I refused to give up , I went through very tough times and I'm thankfull I finally made it out of the depression into a better place . I hope you do the same .

Please let us know how things are going for you ....Jeff

BubbaPat · « **Reply #26 on:** May 23, 2008, 03:32:57 pm »

Hey Tommy,

Its good to know you're still hanging in there. Don't give up and just make sure you give yourself some "mental" time. Light some candles, take a bubble bath, take time to relax.

Today's world is tough and I think we all forget that.

Bubba hugs!!!
Patrick

Hard Times · « **Reply #27 on:** May 23, 2008, 05:02:46 pm »

patrick;
that sounds good. maybe i'll lite some insence & hop in the jacuzzy, (with a pipe load), & just look out the windows.
it's suppose to rain today & tommorrow, lightning & thunder & all that go with it,
now thats entertainment !

thanks Tommy

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Author Topic: what has happened to the forums ? (Read 6550 times)