condom broke

[drgonzo89]

1 week agoi had sex with a guy i met online. he stated he was clean and before i did, asked if i had condoms, i told him i did and what kind and he had the same kind and brought them as well. i entered him after some trouble causing my erection to go down but kept the condom on, i entered him and about 30 seconds to a minute after i pulled out noticing the condom had broken and was at the base of my penis. i am uncicrumsized too. i asked again that he was forsure clean. he said yes and i asked hen his last hiv test was. he said march. i put on another condo and finished within another min or 2 ejaculated in the condom and it was done. i texted him the same night after he dropped me off asking again if he knew he was clean he said yes i told him i was paranoid and he said not to, that it barely whent in and it was not like we were fucking hard and deep for hours. a day later i tested to see if he would repeat the same month he said he took hhis hiv test and that i was worried he said i have nothing to worry bout that it was in march 2013 and he wanted to hook up again, but this time he would put on the condom

this was a 30 seconds to a min of bare insertion, me being the top, uncircumsized with a guy who has repeated over that he is clean. i didn't tink muc of it till i had sex with my girlfriend, i know i feel so bad but it was an urge i wanted to subdue before i marry this girl, and she took the condom off and without thinking had sex bare with her for a minute or 2.

regardless i am still going to test after 6 weeks then again at a month. i would just like some feedback abouut my situation from someone who knows more than me

[jkinatl2]

Your exposure was a very brief insertive anal sex due to condom breakage. It is extremely low risk, but low risk does not equal no risk.

You are correct that a test at six weeks is unlikely to change, but for the time being we still use the three month test as a definitive test. In the meantime, of course, you are advised to use a condom with your partner -as you should be doing anyway, since you are not in a monogamous relationship. HIV is not the only pathogen out there, and many can circumvent the use of condoms.

Now about the word "clean."

You used it an awful lot in your post. Please don't. It's offensive.

I'm clean. I shower every day, twice a day when I go to the gym or that Mexican place where you come home smelling of fajitas. "Clean" is an old, outdated (and did I mention offensive?) term that has NO place in modern discourse.

It implies that people with HIV are "dirty." It perpetuates stigma and intolerance.

The whole discussion of HIV status is truly theater of the absurd. If someone has HIV and is on medication and has his virus under control, he presents roughly the same risk as a person with unknown status using a condom - essentially none.

Also, serosorting (which I assume you do) is ONLY effective for HIV positive people. It is useless and dangerous when HIV negative people try. It discourages testing, encourages slopy safer sex practice, and idoesn't account for people who:

 A) are afraid to know their status and therefore don't test.

B) who have seroconverted since their last test, and as a result might have a huge viral load and not know it

C) who choose not to disclose, for a myriad of reasons. Some logical, some not.

Thing is, you simply have to assume that every partner you have is HIV positive and behave accordingly, until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship and have reliably tested negative together. Your partners, of course, should assume the same thing of you.

As should your girlfriend, of course. HIV is not the worst thing you could give her.

[drgonzo89]

i truly apologise for using the word clean. i asked the person if he had any sti and is hiv neg and he said he is clean so i have been using it since. i again apologise and did not mean to offend.

i know it is not the worse but giving her anything from being unfaithful to her makes me sick and is true about what you said because i didn't think at all. i was so uneducated in the fact i did n ot even know what a pep was till after this and other forums.

i read on other forums and google that uncircumsized men, since they have a mucus membraine, have just a slightly lower risk then someone who is the bottom.
and that anal mucus in the bottom is high in levels and does not just need blood exc to infect a top.

i regret very much trying out this experience and at this point regardless of a low risk, hope so much i test negative. i am taking this as a very big life lesson, again thank you.

[drgonzo89]

? please, about being uncircumsised, does this increase my chance of infection dramatically? one site said it is not much under the risk of being the bottom. is my scenario still extremely unlikely as you said, being i am uncircumsised and it was in for a minute give or take. with a guy lets say is un aware he is infected. i would have thought it would have been higher risk but you saying it is extremely low has lowered my heart rate as of late  which i am thankful for. the is my last free post. after my initial test then the 3 month i will post the results.(which on some sites said can be taken at 3 weeks the earliest and is a very very very encouraging result but also said to take at 3 then 6. s the 3 weeks thing true?) i hope i will not be the unfortunate statstic of a condom break in the insertive role. thank you for all your help thus far and in the future

[jkinatl2]

Your hysterics aside, my advice and risk assessment remain the same.

[Ann]

drgonzo,

I don't put much stock in the stuff you read about uncircumcised insertive intercourse being as risky as receptive anal.

I was with an uncircumcised man for a year and a half before I was diagnosed with hiv. (With hindsight, I knew I'd been infected a few years before starting this relationship) In all that time we never used condoms - yet he tested hiv negative. We stayed together for a total of over eight years and he is hiv negative to this day. Of course we did use condoms after my diagnosis, but not for a year and a half beforehand. And just like any other couple in the first year or two of a relationship, we had plenty of sex.

I'm in complete agreement with Jonathan when he says that your risk was very low. You are highly unlikely to end up hiv positive being the insertive partner - uncircumcised or circumcised - following a condom break. In over twelve years of giving risk assessments on this forum, I have yet to see a man in your position test positive and I do not expect you to be the first.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence. Make sure you do this - a correctly used condom rarely breaks.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann