POZ Community Forums
HIV Prevention and Testing => Do I Have HIV? => Topic started by: jazz1986 on July 08, 2006, 03:34:12 pm
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Hey everyone and thanks for reading.
I have been seeing this girl over a month now and its going great. Just last week we were kissing around and then she ended up giving me a blowjob and I went down on her. Throughout that time, she told me that she is on birth control and that if I wanted to go inside her. I did not because I did not have a condom. She also told me that in her past relationship she did not use a condom because they were both virgins. Now should I be concerned about anything that fact that I went down on her and she gave me a blowjob and she has not used a condom with her last boyfriend?( we are both 19 by the way).
Just last night we did go all the way and I used a condom. I kept checking to make sure that it was not broken or anything, but it was also a little dark in the room and maybe I missed something...but it looked fine when I took it off. Also, when I was inside her, the comdom kept sliding forward and I had to always pull it back, but my whole penis was always covered, just that the tip of the comdom got bigger as I was inside her after a while. I dont know if I am explaining it right or not...but I just wanted to know it I am ok and If I did anything wrong.
Thank you so much.
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No concerns here, just keep using those condoms.
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I don't see any cause for concern here as long as you always use a condom for intercourse.
Until such time as you may find yourself in a securely monogamous relationship in which both partners test negative together you should alway use a condom for intercourse. It doesn't matter what you think you know about your partner's history or how great she looks or anything. A condom is a must.
This time out I don't see any cause for concern or for testing.
Cheers,
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Andy and RapidRod,
Thank you so much for your reply. So even though I went down on her, I have nothing to worry about even though she did not use a condom in her first relationship? Becasue now I feel that after I went down on her and she told me about her past, I dont feel very comfortable going down on her. Any advise again. Thanks again in advance.
~Rod--Jazz1986~
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Rod,
You should never do anything sexually that makes you feel uncomfortable.
However, feelings aren't facts and the fact is, going down on a woman is not a risk for hiv infection.
Ann
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Ann,
Thank you for your response. Now last night we were having sex again and I thought I would be confortable enough for it. Well it happen and after I started rolling up the condom to take it off, noticed there was blood on it. Would I be at any risk if say when I rolled up the condom all the way up to the tip of my penis before taking it off and some fluids may have gotten on my penis? She told me that she thought her perios was over, but I guess it was one of those last days. I feel as everytime we have sex, something wrong is always happening. Thank you in advance
Rod
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Sorry, but to add something else. I just came out of the shower and I noticed that I have this red bruise on my left side of the penis, right below the penis head, and it hurts a little. Plus my penis seems kinda swollen on the right side. I am so worried. What to do please? Thanks again.
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jazz,
You do NOT need to worry about the blood on the condom. Condoms prevent hiv transmission whether there is blood present or not. Don't worry about the rolling and the fluids etc either. If fluids getting spread around through rolling a condom off was a problem, then condoms wouldn't protect against infection, would they. But they DO protect, even when rolling them off afterwards.
Nobody on the other end of an internet connection can tell you what is up with your penis. Whatever it is, it won't be hiv causing it. If it continues to bother you, go see a doctor.
You had no risk through protected intercourse, blood or no blood. Relax.
Ann
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Here I am once again going through the same stuff over and over. Some of you may think that I am just plain stupid and should just move on and forget about it and take the great advice that I have been given. But for some reason I can't. Well the girl I was with left me a month ago and ever since then, I have been a mess. I am trying to cope with this breakup, but my fears of HIV came up again. I keep thinking about the past and how there was blood on the condom and how it freaked me out and what if what it the condom was broken and I did not see this. All sorts of what ifs are coming up. I feel guilty for what happened because she left me and I fell for her. I don't know anymore. My mind is a mess. I don't know if I have OCD over this or what. I have dreams about HIV that freak me out and I feel as if they might be real and all sorts of other things. IS my mind playing a game with me or what. I keep analysing the past and it gets worse and worse. I want to get over this and move on, but its so hard. This is crazy and I am being crazy and I don't know anymore. I am going to stop writing because I don't even know anymore. I should be studing for class instead of this.
As always Thank YOU.
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Jazz,
While you do not need to specifically test over the bloody condom incident, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.
If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.
If you've never tested, go test and put your mind at rest. As long as you've always used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, you can fully expect a negative result.
If you cannot keep your mind off hiv, maybe it's time to talk things over with a counselor.
Ann
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Ann,
Thank you once again for taking the time to reply. I have had three test done before over an incident that happen 3.5 years ago of having unprotected sex for like 3-5 seconds.I dont really know if that is considered anything for those 3-5 seconds. The test were done after, the last one being done two years after the incident. I did come here to the old forum and post and you and many others gave me advice, even advice about kissing. Since the last test, I have not had any sexual activity, expect french kissing. This girl was my first true sexual relationship. Like I posted in the previous post from the start, I did use a condom both times we had sex. The second time is when there was blood on the condom and I noticed it after I rolled it off. Could the condom have broken, I hope not and the best I could see since it was a little dark, it was not broken, but there is always the what ifs. So I am a mess now, maybe its not HIV, but the fact that she left me after everything we had.
Ann for the time you take and spend reading out post, I thank you once again
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Oh and I forgot to mention one more thing. In the old forums, you advised me to go for counceling and I did for about a year. I don't think it has helped, because I everytime somethings happens I think about hiv. So I don't know anymore.
Thanks again.
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Ok, this has to be the last time I post because this is just getting to the point of going crazy. Since I have had three test done 2 years ago like I decribed on top, and have had no sexual contact since then,only kissing, and just this summer was my true sexual contact with this girl. Should I test, even though I feel as if testing might not even help me with my fears and anxiety? Just the whole blood thing on the condom freaked me out when I saw it and I keep playing the same images over in my mind if the condom was broken or not. Please advise, I am really trying to move on, it just feels like the mind is the worst enemy and I am trying to accept all the advise that was given to me since I started this thread.
Thank you so much, and I am sorry for bothering all the experts with this stuff.
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You are right, you are going around in circles and there is nothing anyone can help you with here. You did not have a risk and there is nothing more anyone can say. You won't find the help you need on the internet. Seek the help of a professional to get on with your life.
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Jazz,
You say you went for counseling and it didn't work. There are many other counselors out there and many different counseling styles and programs. Something called CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) can be an excellent tool for getting out of the habit of unhelpful, "round in circles" thinking. Try to find a CBT practitioner and give it a go. Like anything, it's something you have to work on everyday, not just once a week for the hour you're in the counselor's office. We cannot teach you CBT techniques here, you need to see someone face-to-face.
Here's the bottom line where your situation is concerned.
Condoms are effective for the prevention of hiv transmission, even in the presence of blood.
When condoms break, it is very obvious. You WOULD have noticed.
You did NOT have a risk of hiv infection.
For your own sake, please seek out a new counselor and give it another go. I recommend CBT, but you'll have to decide for yourself if it's right for you. There are plenty of counselors and counseling practices to choose from, find one that works for YOU.
Ann
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Dear Ann,
Most of all , Thnak you. I have started to look into CBT therapist in my area since my college does not offer that type of counseling. I am trying very hard to move on and lately I have had a killer headaches that will not go away and sleep does not even help. I have began to educate myself on the condoms, even thought a little late since I already used them. I just keep running the incident over and over in my head with the whole blood on the condom thing and I truely hope that when I was rolling it off blood did not get on my penis head because I noticed the blood after the whole condom was off. And I hope the condom was not broken, since I do not know what it feels like a condom to be broken or what to look for. I guess this is part of growing up and learning.
In your expert advice on everything I have said here on this thread, if I was to test would I test negative??
PS- To all the experts here on the forum, thank you for all your time and effort that you put in and the advice that you have given to people like me. I wish there was more we can say for the things you do. Thank you. :)
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if I was to test would I test negative??
Jazz,
If you test over this incident, I would fully expect a negative result. You should too.
Ann
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Hi everyone, I am back after so many months. I know that all the experts will think I am being crazy and stupid for coming back, but I just cannot stand this anymore. Nothing much has changed since my last posts, but I still worry about this and I will tell you why. As crazy as this may seem, please read..thanks.
I keep playing the incident in my head over and over again, thinking that I missed something. What bothers me still is that I noticed the blood on the condom after I took it off me. What if some of the blood got on my penis and I did not see it? It was a little dark since we only had the nightlight on.
When I rolled off the condom, my penis was a little wet. I don't know if it was from the lubricant because the condom was the Trojan lubricated one in the blue box or from any fluids. This worries me alot. I really hope the condom was properly used and that it did not break, and maybe I did not see the hole if it was broken.
This last thing is something that I don't know how to take. Either my mind is playing a game or I am just going crazy. Ever since the incident, there are times when I would be reading something, such as a book or paper, and HIV would show up in the writing. Or I would hear about it on TV and it would happen again the next. Or me and my friend would be talking, and he would say something about HIV. WHY??? Are these signs telling me I have this or is it my mind playing a game? And while my ex and I were together before she left me, her brother said something one day jokingly about my ex having HIV and other STD's. Plus he is only 14 years old, but it look like he meant it when he said it.
To all the experts, I am sorry for bringing this up again and I know I must sound really crazy. I am not a sexually active person. That was my first real sexual experience. Since then I have not had any sexual contact, nor do I plan because I am scared. Thank you once again for reading.
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You weren't at risk.
You're long past the necessary waiting period of 13 weeks. If you're going to continue to obsess about it then get tested, collect the inevitable negative result, let it go and get on with your life.
There's really nothing more to add to what you have already been told.
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I strongly urge you to seek the help of a mental health professional. The instances where you "hear" and or "read" the word HIV in your everyday life were always there BEFORE your no risk incident, you just did not notice them. But your anxiety is apparently pretty severe and only a trained professional will be able to help you deal with that.
Good luck.