POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => I Just Tested Poz => Topic started by: matthewreal on August 24, 2006, 03:43:09 pm
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Matthew here,
Well I too recently found out I was positive. I got tested 6 weeks ago. There have been so many great changes in my life recently that I was in such a great place mentally in my life that I decided to get tested. I went with someone I had just met about a week prior. He had come to my work one day and I told him that I was going to go get tested, They were offering the test for free at a local gay comunity center.He decided to join me. I really didn't think I was positive, for one I have never gotten sick like the stories I have heard. Needless to say I went to the center. It was a huge room where they have meetings and functions for us gays. I must say that while we were waiting for our number to be called, I felt a bit nervous. I was telling my friend what a horrible place this would be to find out that one was positive. It was definitely government funded. Very dark, kind of run down... Well they call my number , then his. So then we wait twenty minutes or so and for some reason she came out and said just a little more time. I almost swallowed my stomach. Fanally after about 40 minutes she calls my number and I go in. Not feeling the ground beneath me. Just feeling numb for some reason. I sit down, Palms sweating and i sit there while she says nothing and pushes this test towards me.And I smile and say its negative right. She had a hard time telling me. Her face was blank and she said no I'm sorry Its not. I said not what' At this point I was in a cloud..... :-[ Numb from head to toe. My new friend waiting in the other room for me to come out. I didn't understand. I said it could be false right, are you sure? could it be something else, hepatitis ,.... something... She said no I'm sorry but its pretty accurate. She said are you OK. I said I don't know. My friend is in there Oh no hes going to know. I told her OK I'm leaving. she said wait.. wait, we need to do another test. I said how long will that take. My friends going to find out because Ive been in here so long. Cause I remember the people before me going in for there results were real quick like 2 minutes..... Well I agreed to another test, a swab.. I sat down she was obviously concerned. I felt so alone, scared, empty, numb, nauseous, dizzy, sweating...
Well after the test I got up and left the room. I was walking over to my friend, which let me tell you seemed like a ten mile walk.. He said to me negative right. I didn't answer him his face went long. Mine very blank. I started to cry. He grabbed me. And held me I told him I would be OK.... He was great....
Then she called him in. He wouldn't let go of me and told me to come in there with him. She said she could not allow me to come in. He was angry cause he did not want to leave me alone. So he said I will be right out. It was less than 15 seconds and he opened the door and said come in. He was negative. Needless to say what a blessing it was for me to have a friend like that. He truly held me together. That's my story. I will write more when I'm a little less emotional. Thanks for listening. Matthew
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Hi Matthew,
Your message is short so I am guessing that you just tested positive...
If, so, I am very sorry you did but I am also glad you found this place right away. It is the best source of information and round the clock support I have found in the four years I have been HIV+.
A very warm welcome to you!! Let us know how you are and someone will respond with good advice. There are people here who have dealt with the virus for over 20 years... they know.
Pat :-*
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Hi back, Matthew
:)
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Welcome to the Fourms, Matthew. :-* It's nice to have another member of the League of Matthew's here. We rock. ;)
Matty the Damned
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Hello Matthew, it is Eldon. I wanted to extend a warm Welcome to you here in the forums. Here you will find the love, understanding, encouragement, support, and many answers to your questions relating to HIV/AIDS. There is a lot of information here on this site.
I am sorry to hear that you tested positive. However, it is a good thing that you do know now so that you can take better care for yourself. It truly is a blessing that your new friend was there right beside you to give you the support you need.
The BEST thing you can do now is educate yourself on HIV/AIDS. If taking medication, take it as your doctor has prescribed it. Eat a healthy diet, get plenty of exercise, drink plenty of fluids, and get plenty of rest.
Again, Welcome!
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I am sitting here and reading this, and crying, and that is okay. I am tired of being the solid, strong one. I am so sorry about your news, however, I am crying because I am so happy for you that someone was there to hug you at such an ugly, undescribable time. I remember the day, the utter, complete disbelief, and walking out by myself. Bless your friend, your resolve not to do this alone, it will help you so much in the future. Thank you for sharing your story and I wish you the best!
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matthew
Hello and welcome to the forum!! Ive been here for a few days myself and its great here.Im sorry about your testing positive.I too tested positive July 31st. It is a bit like a rollercoaster emotionally right now but we have each other and the people here and they are such a godsend!!
Lets keep in touch and share this new journey if youd like..........................
Many hugs
MC
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Hi Matthew:
Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I also, thought, I couldn't be positive....I'm so healthy and do everything to take care of myself and I've never had a cold for the like the past year and half and then all of sudden I swollen lymph node.
In the back of my mind, I thought I had been careful, but apparently something happened. The best thing you can do now is focus on you.
Did they give you 'next steps' and/or tell you to go see your PCP?
Peace
Jordan
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Mathiew... My mind sees your entire story unraveling before me... I can almost picture you and your friend in that old building and how your friend held you... Very moving.. Somethng you will not forget for the rest of your life... But, life moves on and will continue to change and evolve.. Your life honey will be one of what you want to make out of it. This is when those gates that you have had locked up for so many years comes open. The emotions will turn you head over heals, but always, reach out for a hand to steady you. Never try and do this by yourself... Allow us to shoulder your burdon and allow you some peace of mind that you will get through this in good shape...
Have you found an HIV Doc as yet? As well, have you started to get a bit of lab work done to find out how you are in the scheme of things....
Remember to breath, ask questions and talk to people whom you feel you can gain comfort..
Love
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Thank you guys for writing me. I have been dealing with this one day at a time.
I went to see an hiv doc the very next day. I am so lucky because I have insurance that just kicked in. I had every test taken and this is the scoop
vl 49,000
tcell 237
33%
I was so shocked when I got my Tcell count. Like I said I didn't ever feel sick. Its like finding out all over again that I am hiv +. I thought my t cells would be allot higher. I think I was infected about a year ago.So my doctor said we needed to take an aggressive approach. I have been on Atriplla for exactly four weeks today as of August 25th. I also had my blood work done today to see where I stand now. I will let you know next week when I find out. I'm very nervous. Ever since I have been on the meds I haven't had a good night sleep. I have the most intense vivid dreams. Very realistic in a way. I toss and turn all night. I have been taking Lanesta which helps me fall asleep but doesn't keep me asleep. I'm starting ambien for the first time tonight. I hope for at least one night of good rest. Well please let me know if you have any good ideas. Thanks so much Matthew
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Hey Matthew,
Don't panic about those numbers. Your CD4 % is 33 and that's very, very good. Absolute counts can fluctuate a lot. I'd recommend you read our lessons on what your blood test results mean. You'll find the link in the upper left hand corner of the page.
By way of comparison, when I last had my bloods done (June) my CD4 absolute count was 305 but my % was 19, so it's important that you learn how to interpret your results properly.
Fondly,
MtD
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Mathew... as MtD said, don't worry to much about your Cd4 count. It fluctuates just like the tide.. 100's in a day sometimes depending whats going on in your system... You may want to visit with your doctor about when you are dosing. AM / PM as well, I have found working out prior to bed time put me out for the duration of the night. If you continue to have wrestless sleep, let your doctor know... Its crucial that you get quality sleep. As far as taking sleep aids, be careful as these are addictive and become less effective over a short period of time... If Atripola continues to cause you sleepless nights, you may ask your doctor for a better combo for you...
I would not be nervous on your follow up visit, I think you will be pleasantly surprised about how your body is now fighting its way back to health with your regimen you are taking...
Best!
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Hi
I'm MC and have a question considering the CD4 percentage? I currently don't know mine and makes me a Little nervous to call and ask, or just wait for my next results in 2 weeks?
with my test results (tested 4 weeks ago)
CD4 320
VL 900,000
I'm in primary stages and with these numbers do you think its a possibility i could have a low CD4 percentage?
My paranoia is getting me a bit................
anyhow any advice?
thanks,
MC
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MC,
You know Im not sure what it would be. I to am learning myself. But I would call up and ask. I think that the tests you already have taken should tell you the percentage. I had to call back up and ask because they didnt tellme at first untill a friend asked me what my percentage was. You would think that they would explain that to you ::) Keep your head up, Matthew :)
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Hey Mattew, sorry to hear that you've been tested positve. I have found out 5 months ago. I was in a similar position, thinking that my life was just amazing, university going well, being seeing this guy for couple of months and everything was too good to be true. And then I just had a random check, not expecting at all and there it was....I can still remember the exact moment and the way I felt.
All I can say is that things will get better over time. As you have said, try to take one step at a time. No matter how hard you will try to feel good in last could of months it is not going to happen overnight. Once the primary shock is gone then you will be looking forward to live again.
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Hey Matthew, wish I could welcome you here under another circumstance, but welcome aboard the love boat.
I'll say to you what everyone said to me almost a year ago, buckle up for one big rollercoaster ride, but you are going to be okay. This is a great place, and you will find endless support here, if and when you need it.
From one of several forum Matt's to another.
Big hugs!
Matt
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I'm so sorry to hear about the recent news Matthew. Just know that you've come to the best place here at AIDSmeds. With each day you'll learn more and gain and understanding of things, and with that you'll be able to cope more and more. Things do get easier with time, hang in there.
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Well I went on this past Friday to have some blood work done. I found out this morning that my liver is functioning great and can you beleive it my VL 238. It was 49,000 one month ago. Im so excited. I dont do a tcell count until 90 days on the meds. Keep your fingers crossed. Thanks to everyone that has written me. ;D Love you all Matthew
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Matthew,
your good news is the first thing I read this morning. Very encouraging, I am happy for you!
Pat
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Well I went on this past Friday to have some blood work done. I found out this morning that my liver is functioning great and can you beleive it my VL 238. It was 49,000 one month ago. Im so excited. I dont do a tcell count until 90 days on the meds. Keep your fingers crossed. Thanks to everyone that has written me. ;D Love you all Matthew
so glad to hear about your liver and lower VL. keep up the good adherence with the Atripla. remember, success depends on YOU baby :-*
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Hello Matthew, welcome, sorry to here your bugger bit of news. The good news is that a good response (like viral load under 1,000) after a month is predictive of long-term success with the meds. So book a nice holiday :)
- matt
Now playing: for once, nothing at all
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Hello Matthew, it is Eldon:
It is good to hear that your VL has gone down considerably within the first month. As Newt said; You have a predictive long-term success with your meds. Remember to take your meds as your Doctor has prescribed them to you.
Eat a healthy diet, drink plenty of fluids, get some exercise, and get your proper rest.
Have the BEST Day.
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Hello,
I was swallowing my atripla pill the last night and it was a bit hard to swallow. I didnt think anything about it untill tonight. I noticed on the roof of my mouth is a lump. Its hard it doesnt really hurt but i do notice it when i swallow now. Someone please let me know if this is something related to hiv or the meds Im on. I did a google search and all I see is cancer of the mouth. Im scared... Is it the atripla , Hiv, ' ???Ugh, Now I for sure wont be able to sleep. Matthew ???
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Hey Matthew... Did the pill, rather large after all, graze your palate with some force while you were atempting to swallow? It's probably just a small laceration caused by that. Similar to the grazed/lacerated top-of-the-palate that occurs sometimes when I/we swallow a pizza with a hard crust or some other "hard" food. Relax, just put some over-the-counter oral balm on it, it'll most probably heal in a few days, like any mouth sore.
Jay
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Hi Matthew, I found out last November, '05. Like you I was in a NYC Dept of health building when I found out, but alone. I was sick with a flu that never materialized. It was a nightmare. But worse than that was the treatment (or lack thereof) I received at a well known and doubly recommended place for us in the city. Thankfully now I have found a new doctor and staff place much closer to me. They're awesome people and did so much to/for me in the first visit, that was never done in NYC during 7 months of visits(hep testing, TB testing, vaccinations, etc) They even neglected to test for CD4's on my 2nd labs!!! I was 369/57000 three months after finding out. will never know cd4's for 6 months, but VL was 37000. 1st test at new place showed 349/9500. I also don't know about percentages. I was so pissed off at the city place, I let my new doc keep those results-lol. Anyway, my new doc wanted me to start Atripla last visit, but I wasn't ready. So instead of letting me go 3 months, she has me back in 6 weeks for my next test!! Sept 19th. So I'll probably be starting a whole new phase of this, and God, I hope I'll be able to sleep at nite!!
I thought I did a good job of aclimating myself to the reality of this over the long winter I spent holed up in my house (excepting work and anything I HAD to do). I even signed up to a dating site for us, and went on 2 dates with a guy! (no sex because thats the last thing on my mind these days). Anyway, Around the same time as my original 'flu', I had a little white bumpy thing in my lip. Not knowing what it was, I chewed on it, played with it, and eventually went to a dermatologist. He didn't know what it was either, cut it out, and the lab report said it was a wart??!! Not like any wart I'd ever seen. Anyway, it went away, but a new one grew right next to where it had been. Long story short, they've been multiplying , as have my trips to the derm! They spread from shaving! I also stupidly used my hand to get spit from my mouth while masturbating (earlier on), and then discovered tiny little bumps on my penis. Now they have me putting Aldera cream on it, and I go to the derm every two weeks to get zapped with the freeze thing. What was horrible was having to disclose to the cutest little PA at the derm's that I was HIV positive. But she was awesome about it, and told me we were gonna get rid of these things! So now I have two great docs that make me really comfortable.
But I'm starting to realize that I don't read much about anyone with HIV also having this problem, and I'm beginning to realize that I just may be alone for the rest of my life. Thats the scariest thought of it all. I don't know if getting on meds will help clear these little buggers up or not, but I sure do hope so. A side note- my new doc didn't see them when I showed them to her ?????lol
Anyway, if anything I hope this letter serves to show you it could be alilttle bit worse!!!lol
And guys, sorry for this long rant, but it helps!
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Thanks for that, I did some more googling and I beleive this is what I found out. Torus palatinus its on the roof of my mouth its very hard but, i do think that the pill is so large that i scrapped the roof of my mouth. I think Im just over parenoid at this point and I think I need to relax a bit. Thanks again Matthew ;)
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Matthew,
While it's hard to imagine, you're lucky that that test was accurate. I spent a year symptomatic and had three tests come back false negative. I carried PCP from CA to AZ to TX to Lousiana to AL to TN to MI to OH to NJ and back to NM before anyone figured out I had AIDS. I was first told by a Dr. in an ER in a part of NM so rural that my blood work was sent to a lab in UT. My western blot that was done the same day as my viral load came back "inconclusive" and the viral load was >750k.
Glad to hear you're doing well. ;D
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Hi there,
I went to the mouth hygienists for a regular check-up, she saw white marks on my tongue, so asked me to go to fam doc for blood test, rest history!
Never liked the dentist or mhygienist, next day sent doc & mh flowers as I would like to think that their job is shit too, especially if they deliver this news! Since then? MH & doc are best friends.............! Get on with your life and think of HIV as just another challenge! Do not let it take over your mind, then if it does, it has beeeeeeeeeeeeeetttttten you! Do you want that?
take of yourself
marshall
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marshall is right!
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Ok I think Im a hypochondriac. I went out this past weekend and drank way to much. I actually got drunk and ended up throwing up. I have felt like crap ever since. This was Sunday night and here it is Tuesday night. I missed my dose of Atripla that night. I have a sore throat and it looks like little white bumps on the back of my throat. Is this Normal to feel like this after drinking alot and being on hiv meds? my glands feel swollen under my tongue.
::)Thanks alot guys, Matthew
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Ok I went to my doc and I have strep throat. I am now on antibiotics. I already feel better. In case anyone was wondering.
Matthew :)
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Matt,
Adherence is a very important issue. Please try and do your BEST not to miss any doses of your meds. Please DO take them as your Doctor has prescribed them to you.
Get well with the sore throat and try to slow down on the drinking as well.
Have the BEST Day!
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[email]Hi Matthew,
I have been living with HIV for 21 years and AIDS for 10 years. I am not going to say I'm sorry because I believe saying that does not come close to consoling you. Reading your post brought me right back to that summer in August of 1985 when the doctor told me to get my personal affairs in order and expect to die in about a year. Driving home to my apartment where I lived alone, I cried like I have never cried since.
What I am trying to get across to you is, life is not over for you and no matter how long it takes for you to grieve through this, and I recommend you grieve as best you can. Once that passes you can... pick up the pieces... and you can start to move forward. While you have had to make a sudden turn in your life, it can turn out to be the best turn. I came to realize that HIV turned out to be a blessing for me, it forced me to leave behind my partying ways and get rid of bad associations. I have created the best group of people in my life since then and now have a 7 month old son with my friends Josephine and Heather. I have become a teacher in the public school system and in the next seven years I will be endeavoring to open a charter school here in NYC.
You can do it kiddo, you can make it through this worst of times. The fact that you have found this website shows you have a good head on your shoulders. I am, while I am anonymous stranger, I am behind you. Look deep within yourself and you will see me and thousands of others who travel this road along with you, who will pick you up when your down and maybe when your ready you will be able to do the same for one of us. I send you all my love and support and all my convictions and belief in your inner power and strength that will, if you listen for it quietly, it will carry you forward into a rich and vibrant future that awaits you. ;)
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Your first entry took me right back to the same spot in my life, the day I found out three years ago. I can tell you, it does get better. I Promise. The day I found out, the entire universe seemed to shift and spin out of control. Your job right now is not not let anything get in the way of your meds. Get a watch, set the alarm on it to go off when it is time to take your meds....don't let partying and alcohol get in the way. I found that drinking did get in my way of taking my meds, I had to give it up. I am not saying you have to....but take what ever steps necessary. The alarm on the watch really helped me, and might be a practical hands on tangible simple tool to help you. I find now that when my alarm goes off, it is a grounding minute in my day--kind of like checking in and saying: 'yes, i do care, and yes, I am taking care of myself." Be well.
PS. I had the same dream issues--and lived with not sleeping for a long time--there are other options if it becomes too much, ask your doctor.
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OK got my recent labs in. ;D
TCell 3 months ago 237 today 442
Viral load 3 months ago 49,000 today Undetectable
Percentages 3 months ago 33% today 36%
cholesterol today 150
I'm very happy, Matthew
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Great News Matthew ;D
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OK the latest is that I am still having strange dreams and not very good sleep.
I switched from atripla to Truvada and viramune. Its been two day and i slept pretty good last night. I'm not really having any side effects. ;D
Matthew