The Waiting

[northernguy]

I'm curious to hear from others who are going through/went through this stage:
I was diagnosed in April cd4 600,vl10,000, 3 months later cd 800, vl 9,600.  Due for my next set of labs next week (woohoo).  My doc, who has a lot of HIV patients, said numbers are good, won't need to go on meds for a few years.

So now what?  I feel like I'm in this weird limbo, waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Should I be looking for a new job, in place of my current less-than-satisfying one?  Should I be out living to the fullest, damn the cost (ie. debt)

I feel tired but that's just as likely due to my sleep apnea.  And I've got dry flaky face/scalp that makes me feel self-conscious, along with a face that sometimes flushes bright red!  I sort of assumed that with those numbers I wouldn't be symptomatic for a while, was I wrong?

[Life]

NG - I would not let a flushed face keep you in.  Your numbers are spectacular and probably have nothing to do with your dis-ease...   Put your life back on track my friend.  There is no more shoes to fall..  Get back to what you want to do in life prior to HIV.  Keeping your stress in check would be my only recommendation.   All of this, all of these feelings will continue to evolve and change for you.  Its up to you to steer clear of the bad feelings and stay on a brighter path.  Your fear is your biggest foe... FUCK FEAR...  EMBRACE LIFE..

Love

[newt]

Hey hello

Yes to what Eric said. 

Yr immune system is normal, your viral load is shit low, so what are you waiting for? It's yr life, go live it.

Having said that, it does take time to appreciate yr not gonna die/get ill here n now, so take the time, but please don't wait yr life away.  Going on meds is not the beginning of the end, it's the end of the beginning most times.  Even if you weren't HIV-positive, would you really wanna stay in a less than gd job for long eh?

Debt: personally I wouldn't max the credit card just yet, you will prob be sitting there with a big bill n not much happening medical wise n thinking "why did I do it".  Go do the things you wanna do, but don't bank on it being the last trip to the moon.  A gd thing about sommat like an HIV-positive diagnosis is it provides a reason to think about what you really wanna do, rather than just drifiting along doing what you should do perhaps. 

- matt

Now playing: Bruce Springsteen, Nebraska

[wellington]

A CD4 of 800 is entirely envious. No need to fret about shoes dropping for some time to come. Anytime the CD4 count is above about 300, you're well beyond being easily compromised. Even if your CD4 starts to drop, continue to monitor and consult your doctor as frequently as you think it is needed to maintain your physical and equally important emotional/spiritual health.

If you're not enjoying your job, then it's definitely time to at least look at something else. Work SHOULD be enjoyable. We spend, on average, a 1/3 of our day working, so why settle for something that merely pays the bills when you could do so much more? It would be an added bonus to find employment with health benefits, but there are plenty of options if this isn't a possibility. First and foremost should be satisfation.

While it may be tempting to max the credit cards, be responsible! You've likely many years ahead of you still.

What do you do for your dry/flaky skin? Take care of yourself, whatever that demands. Go for a facial every once in a while - it's relaxing, therapeutic and damn they can really improve one's self-image. I wouldn't worry too much about the flushed face. If either of these bother you, check with medical personnel to express your concerns and see if there is anything recommended.

Neither of these events is really a symptom of being HIV+. So, you're not wrong

[emeraldize]

*

[bear60]

What Eric and everyone else said!!!
For god sakes dont go out and throw your life away and spend or over spend.  Its ok to pamper yourself with maybe a better vacation than you would NORMALLY TAKE but dont spend beyond your means. It will be the biggest mistake you ever made if you dont just try to live your life to the best you can. You can even pretend HIV doesnt exist some times.

[allopathicholistic]

hi, agree with those who said stress, dermatologist and live life. aromatherapy oils are good for destressing and when stress is reduced, the skin responds favorably, usually.

we're here for you sweety,
love,
A

[Cliff]

Should I be looking for a new job, in place of my current less-than-satisfying one?

Yes

Should I be out living to the fullest, damn the cost (ie. debt)

Yes and No.

[alisenjafi]

I have been having patchy flaky skin around my nose eyebrow areas and found out hypo allergenic baby oil is the tickit. What everyone elses I would agree.
Cheers
Johnny

[tigger2376]

Take care of yourself, live life to the max, but don't max the cards! Did it 5 years ago, cashed in the pension, got loads of credit, now a (very well dressed) pauper! Your stas are great, don't wait for the HIV to catch up with you, start moving forwards, keep well x

[aztecan]

Hey Northern,

As others have pointed out, your numbers are great. Even if they weren't, my advice would be the same.

Live baby, LIVE!

Don't settle for a job you don't like. Go for what you want. If that means going back to school, by all means, do it!

As far as living life the fullest" YES! Maxing out the credit NO! Been there. In the early 90s I felt much as you do. I wish I hadn't. It took years to pay it all off.I
Not fun.

As Newt pointed out, even if the time had come to start meds, which for you isn't an issue right now, it isn't the beginning of the end. It is simply another step along the path we follow.

Without the meds, I might not be here today to enjoy the sunrise. After more than a decade on meds, I can safely say whatever adjustments they caused me to make in my life were certainly worth it.

HUGS,

Mark

[northernguy]

Thanks everyone   Its great to get some perspective!  The job thing was worrying me a bit, because of getting a new health plan, LTD,  disclosure and all that.  But is it worth spending 20+ years in a job you don't enjoy?  You're right - it's not.

[red_Dragon888]

NG - I would not let a flushed face keep you in.  Your numbers are spectacular and probably have nothing to do with your dis-ease...   Put your life back on track my friend.  There is no more shoes to fall..  Get back to what you want to do in life prior to HIV.  Keeping your stress in check would be my only recommendation.   All of this, all of these feelings will continue to evolve and change for you.  Its up to you to steer clear of the bad feelings and stay on a brighter path.  Your fear is your biggest foe... FUCK FEAR...  EMBRACE LIFE..

Love

you are a sweetheart for giving such strong and emotional support.  I really love reading what you wrote.
Joe

[Eldon]

Hey Northernguy,

Live your life!



Make the BEST of each Day!